- If brains were dynamite you wouldn’t even have enough to blow your nose.
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- The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
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- If you haven’t much education you must use your brain.
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- If brains were taxed, he’d get a refund.
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- The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
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- Okay, brain. You don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let’s get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
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- The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
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- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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- If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we’d be so simple we couldn’t understand.
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- I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
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- I like noise. I need noise. When it’s too quiet, I can hear my brain cells dying.
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- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
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- The closest thing he had to a brainstorm, was a slow drizzle.
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- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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- Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains.
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- I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
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- No brain is stronger than its weakest think.
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- The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
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- I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out
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- See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time
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- Knowledge fills a large brain; it merely inflates a small one
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- God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I’ve ever met
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- If little else, the brain is an educational toy
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- Books: the children of the brain
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- I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.
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- The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.
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- Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think
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- Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.
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- Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
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- I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
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- I’ve got the brain of a four year old. I’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it
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- A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally
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- A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal
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- Ambition is the last refuge of the failure
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- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same
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- Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months
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- I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying
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- The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
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- I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid
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- The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘cheque enclosed
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- If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to
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- A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree
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- Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery
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- Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion
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- Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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- A joke is a very serious thing
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- He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
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- History will be kind to me for I intend to write it
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- I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly
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- tart every day off with a smile and get it over with
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- I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally
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- A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her
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- Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad
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- Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry
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- Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think — in a deeper voice
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- Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home
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- Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.
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- If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.
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- Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own
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- Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from
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- The Wonderbra is not a step forward for women. Nothing that hurts that much is a step forward for women.
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- When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
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- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me
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- I’m not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop
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- Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade
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- Never trust a man with short legs – his brains are too near his bottom
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- He’s completely unspoiled by failure
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- In California, they don’t throw their garbage away – they turn it into TV shows
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- My brain? it’s my second favorite organ.
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- You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred
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- Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end
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- There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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- I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one
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- The river Trent is lovely, I know because I have walked on it for 18 years
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- They say Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that particular job
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- The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused
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- It’s useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk, or running for office
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- Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. It’s where all the fruit is
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- A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth
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- A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth
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- England and America are two countries separated by a common language
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- If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion
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- I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence
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- Sure I love Liam, but not as much as I love Pot Noodles
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- Just because you sell lots of records it doesn’t mean to say you`re any good. Look at Phil Collins
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- I’m equal part genius, equal part buffoon
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- Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
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- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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- The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
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- The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not
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- To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
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- Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
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