sms 102

1. 
   
2. Relatives giving money to newborn child's mother. 
3. That's how 'Cash on Delivery' was invented.
4. ===============================


5. Our body completely replaces all our cells every 7 years.
6. So technically, the person you are married no longer exists.
7. 
   
8. ===============================
9. A woman is like a 'Tea Bag' you never know how strong she is until you bring it to 'Boiling Point'.
10. 
    
11. ===============================
12. I wish I loved exercise as much as I love getting drunk and eating everything around me.
13. 
    
14. ===============================
15. Always have a crush. On a person or a place, a goal, a car, a lifestyle or anything.
16. It just helps you live better and work harder.
17. 
    
18. ===============================  
19. Wishing you a beautiful and a adventures day with shades of happiness and peace.
20. Good Morning!
21. 
    
22. ===============================
23. May your New Year be filled with adoration, happiness, warmth and cheer;
24. And may you pass on these to those around you too.
25. Wish you a Happy New Year!
26. 
    
27. ===============================
28. May the year be brighter than the one gone by; enveloped in goodness, well being, bliss and wealth.
29. Happy New Year!
30. 
    
31. ===============================
32. May God's blessings spread peace and happiness all around you and your family!
33. Happy New Year!
34. 
    
35. ===============================
36. The best Pranayam: 
37. Exhale the Past without any Regret, 
38. Inhale the Future without much Expectation, 
39. Hold the Present with Pleasure. 
40. And then Enjoy 2016!
41. Happy New Year
42. 
    
43. 
    
44. 
    
45. ===============================
46. I wish that the New Year turns out to be a very special one for you - keeping you in pink of health, wallowing you in wealth, surrounding you in life's luxuries and blessing you with peace and serenity.
47. A very Happy New Year to you!
48. 
    
49. ===============================
50. As the New Year begins, let us pray that it will be a year full of love, peace, happiness and prosperity.
51. Happy New Year to my dear friends!
52. 
    
53. ===============================
54. As this year is ending, I wish all the negativity and difficulties also end and 2016 brings success and desired results for one and all. 
55. Happy New Year!
56. 
    
57. ===============================
58. As the new year renews all the happiness and good tidings, hope the joyful spirit keeps glowing in the your heart forever!
59. Happy New Year!
60. 
    
61. ===============================
62. Jeeto: Till what time have you been sleeping?
63. Pappu: Till the time you didn't wake me up!
64. 
    
65. ===============================
66. Whoever said money can't buy happiness clearly never paid for a divorce.
67. 
    
68. ===============================
69. Some idiots say that behind every successful man there will be woman.
70. But nobody knows the fact that most women choose only successful men!
71. 
    
72. ===============================44
73. Modern Mehmangiri:
74. When guests visit your home, you should be a good host and ask "Kya lenge, Chai, Cold Drink Ya...
75. .
76. .
77. .
78. .
79. .
80. .
81. .
82. Wi-Fi Password?"
83. 
    
84. ===============================
85. As the New Year approaches us with hopes new, here is wishing you and your family a wonderful year ahead. 
86. Happy New Year!
87. 
    
88. ===============================
89. Have no fear, 
90. Lend an ear, 
91. Shed a tear, 
92. Have a beer, 
93. Oh my dear, 
94. Happy New Year!
95. 
    
96. ===============================
97. 
    
98. 
    
99. Start your day with ur ambition, passion, satisfaction and reach towards your mission.
100. Have A Good Day!
101. 
     
102. ===============================
103. I surely am going to go to Hell... because I lie everytime my wife asks me - Honey, how am I looking today?
104. 
     
105. ===============================  
106. Girlfriend: Hi Jaanu, Kya Kar Rahe Ho?
107. Boyfriend: Paise Jod Raha Hun.
108. Girlfriend: Aaaaawww, I Know Mere New Phone Ke Liye Aap Paise Jod Rahe Ho Na Baby, How sweet of you Muaah!
109. Boyfriend: 10 Rupaye Ka Note Phat Geya Hai, Usko Jod Raha Hun Tape Laga Ke!
110. 
     
111. ===============================
112. Men are nice people. It's proven by Friendship Day survey results.
113. 88% wives hate their husband's friends;
114. Whereas 98% husbands love their wife's friends.
115. 
     
116. ===============================
117. I distrust camels, anyone else who can go a week without a drink!
118. 
     
119. =============================== 
120. May the coming year be for you:
121. Awesome Jan
122. Mind-blowing Feb
123. Wonderful March
124. Super Duper April
125. Funfilled May
126. Victorious June
127. Amazing July
128. Carefree Aug
129. Rocking Sept
130. Cheerful Oct
131. Prosperous Nov
132. Blissful Dec
133. Have a fantastic year ahead.
134. Happy New Year!
135. NEW YEAR   
136. Morning is a beauty of natural colors of tress, rainbow, birds.
137. So today let us enjoy the beauty and fill the natural colors in our life!
138. Good Morning
139. 
     
140. =============================== 
141. Behind every angry woman there is a man who has no idea what he did wrong again.
142. 
     
143. =============================== 
144. In Delhi:
145. Doctor: Kitni Sharab Peete Ho?
146. Santa: Even Days Mein 2-4 Peg Aur Odd Days Mein 3-5 Peg!
147. 
     
148. ===============================  
149. Every time I lose some weight i find it again in the refrigerator.
150. 
     
151. 
     
152. ===============================
153. 
     
154. To all my friends:
155. I need to be more active and spend less time on the computer, so December 31st will be my last day on Facebook for the year. I will return at the start of the new year on January 1st. Thank you for understanding.
156. 
     
157. ===============================  
158. When Ekta Kapoor was born, doctor said, "Mubarak Ho, Mubarak Ho, Mubarak Ho, Kaun Hua Jaanne Ke Liye Dekhiye Next Episode".
159. 
     
160. ===============================
161. Last year, at a time like this, a friend of mine sent me 10,000/-as a NEW YEAR gift, 2 weeks later, he got a promotion at his workplace. Another friend of mine bought me gift for NEW YEAR, immediately after NEW YEAR, he won a car through his bank. Another one sent me shopping vouchers worth 50,000/, and believe me, he won the US Green card. You could be the next lucky friend, you never know. Feel free to try your luck. 
162. However, some friends ignored these good luck signs and only sent me sms greetings, their wives made them wash clothes and dishes for full one year.
163. Don't ignore, act now for a lucky new year.
164. 
     
165. ===============================  
166. New Years marks a new beginning.
167. New people to meet, new adventures to enjoy and new memories to create. 
168. Wishing you the Happiest New Year 2016 ever.
169. 
     
170. =============================== 
171. Don't blame the Holidays, you were fat in August.
172. 
     
173. ===============================
174. You may see me struggle, but you'll never see me quit.
175. 
     
176. =============================== 
177. Not everyone is meant to be in your future. Some people are just passing through to teach you lessons in life.
178. Good Morning!
179. 
     
180. ===============================  
181. Pakistan requests Modi not to visit Pakistan.
182. The 1st visit is followed by an earthquake.
183. 
     
184. ===============================  
185. Difference between addiction to smartphone and diarrhea:
186. Both will make you sit in the toilet for long time but diarrhea can be cured.
187. 
     
188. =============================== 
189. In a bar, they had a new drink on the menu ' RUM Fillip' 
190. Customer: What's this drink? 
191. Bar Tender: It's a cocktail of Rum mixed with milk and sugar. 
192. Customer: Why sugar? 
193. Bar Tender: Sugar gives energy. 
194. Customer: What about milk? 
195. Bar Tender: Milk will give you strength. 
196. Customer: Why Rum? 
197. Bar Tender: Rum will give you ideas about what to do with strength and energy.
198. 
     
199. 
     
200. ===============================
201. 
     
202. New Interpretation:
203. Ladies feel a sense of relief when they see their maid in the morning, that is why she is called... 'Calm Wali'!
204. 
     
205. =============================== 
206. Bunty: What would you call the colourful Russia?
207. Pappu: RangRussia
208. 
     
209. ===============================
210. Doctor told the Painter to write like this in front of his clinic. 
211. Dr. B. E. SHARMA Psychotherapist 
212. Painter wrote: Dr. BESHARMA PSYCHO THE RAPIST
213. 
     
214. ===============================
215. After success of the 'Ek Tha Tiger' 
216. Salman Khan's next suspense movie ' Kaun Tha Driver'!
217. 
     
218. =============================== 
219. The night is the time to dream, 
220. To catch the dream by its hands. 
221. The night will welcome you to land of dreams, 
222. As for the bright tomorrow you make your plans.
223. Good Night!
224. 
     
225. ===============================
226. Every exit has an entry somewhere. 
227. Every end has a new beginning.
228. And every black cloud has a silver lining. 
229. Never leave hope, life means possibilities. 
230. Good Morning!
231. 
     
232. =============================== 
233. Christmas gift suggestions:
234. To your enemy, forgiveness.
235. To an opponent, tolerance.
236. To a friend, your heart.
237. To a customer, service.
238. To all, charity.
239. To every child, a good example.
240. To yourself, respect. 
241. Merry Christmas!
242. 
     
243. ===============================
244. Joy resounds in the hearts of those who believe in the miracle of Christmas!
245. Wishing you all the peace, joy, and love of the season!
246. Wish you a Merry Christmas!
247. 
     
248. =============================== 
249. May Christmas tree bless your life with plenty of love, good charm,best future and gift of happiness to you and your family.
250. Wish you and your family a Merry Christmas!
251. 
     
252. =============================== 
253. Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; 
254. Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.
255. Merry Christmas!
256. 
     
257. 
     
258. ===============================
259. 
     
260. Let us Celebrate today...
261. The Blessings of Peace
262. The Beauty of Hope
263. The Spirit of Love
264. The Comfort of Faith
265. May these be your gifts this Christmas.
266. Merry Christmas!
267. 
     
268. ===============================  
269. Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind.
270. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy is the real spirit of Christmas.
271. Merry Christmas!
272. 
     
273. ===============================
274. Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, 
275. a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends.
276. A Merry Christmas to all of you.
277. 
     
278. =============================== 
279. Amar Akbar Anthony is back . . . 23 Dec Hanuman Jayanthi 24 Dec Eid Milad 25 Dec Christmas
280. EID MILAD-UN-NABI   
281. What did the hamburger name it's baby?
282. Patty
283. ONE-LINERS   
284. So Mastani was Bajirao's 2nd wife and he loved her the most.
285. Mumtaz was Shahjahan's 8th wife and he loved her the most. 
286. Apparently, no one loves their 1st wife.
287. 
     
288. ===============================   
289. Girls really have lots of patience.
290. Varna Itni Saari Selfies Mein Difference Nikaal Kar Delete Karna Koi Bachhon Ka Khel Nahi Hai!
291. 
     
292. ===============================  
293. Newton's fourth Law:
294. A body at rest will continue to be at rest... until the wife notices and finds some work for him!
295. 
     
296. ===============================
297. Hope that you are guided by your faith in the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and shine in His divine blessings.
298. A very happy Eid Milad-un-Nabi!
299. 
     
300. ===============================
301. I wish the warmth of Christmas brings peace to your home. May you find happiness, love and friendship right beside you and wherever you may go.
302. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
303. 
     
304. 
     
305. ===============================
306. 
     
307. Romantic relationships are based on expectations and responsibilities. 
308. Professional relationships are based on gains and losses. 
309. But friendship is based on smiles and laughter.
310. 
     
311. ===============================
312. Life is just a script to play. The good news is, you can choose a character you want to play. 
313. Good Morning!
314. 
     
315. ===============================
316. What kind of a father are you if you don't drink?
317. I mean, Woh Kaisa Pita Hai, Jo Pita Nahi Hai?
318. 
     
319. ===============================
320. Teacher: Kanjus Kise Kehte Hain?
321. Pappu: Jo 100 Messages Send Karne Par Bhi Reply Nahi Kare.
322. Teacher: Very Good, Ek Example Batao...
323. Pappu: Aapki Beti!
324. 
     
325. ===============================
326. How girls respond on Achhi Baat and Gandi Baat:
327. Achhi Baat - AWWWWW...
328. Gandi Baat - HAWWWWW...
329. 
     
330. ===============================
331. May the joy of Christmas give you key to every closed door;
332. Light to dispel any darkness in your life and may God grant you peace and favour.
333. Wish you a Merry Christmas!
334. 
     
335. ===============================
336. God's love is like an ocean;
337. You can see it's beginning, but not it's end.
338. Good Morning!
339. 
     
340. ===============================
341. Ghazab Haal Hai Aaj-Kal Ke Ladkon Ka Samne Rehne Wali Pinky To Set Hoti Nahi Aur...
342. .
343. .
344. .
345. .
346. .
347. .
348. .
349. .
350. .
351. .
352. Friend Request Saale America Rehne Wali Angel Ko Bhejte Hain!
353. 
     
354. ===============================
355. What do you call people who did not watch Dilwale? 
356. .
357. .
358. .
359. .
360. .
361. .
362. .
363. .
364. .
365. . 
366. Dimagwale!
367. 
     
368. ===============================
369. CEO of Google is an Indian 
370. CEO of Microsoft is an Indian 
371. CEO of Pepsico is an Indian 
372. CEO of MasterCard is an Indian 
373. MD of Jaguar, Land Rover is an Indian
374. And...
375. .
376. .
377. .
378. .
379. .
380. .
381. .
382. .
383. .
384. Admin of our group is also an 'Indian'!
385. Feeling proud!
386. 
     
387. 
     
388. 
     
389. 
     
390. What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
391. Swimming trunks!
392. 
     
393. ===============================  
394. Detox your life in 4 easy steps:
395. Eliminate anyone who
396. 1. Lies to you
397. 2. Disrespects you
398. 3. Uses you
399. 4. Puts you down
400. 
     
401. ===============================  
402. As you climb the ladder of success, check occasionally to make sure it is leaning against the right wall.
403. Good Morning!
404. 
     
405. ===============================
406. Kaju Ki Barfi Pe Chandi Ka Varq Kyon Lagate Hain?
407. Chinese: Wrong question
408. American: No idea
409. Japanese: Don't know
410. .
411. .
412. .
413. .
414. .
415. .
416. Santa: Oye Puthi-Siddhi Da Pata Lag Janda Is Vaaste!
417. 
     
418. ===============================
419. Banta: Why is Santa Claus always a man?
420. Santa: Because no woman will wear the same dress year after year!
421. 
     
422. ===============================
423. Height of positive attitude:
424. On chat:
425. Boy: I love you
426. Girl: hahahahaha
427. .
428. .
429. .
430. .
431. Boy to his friend: Bhai, Maan Gayi 5 Baar 'Ha' Boli!
432. 
     
433. ===============================
434. Pinky called on Customer Care:
435. Customer Care: How may I help you?
436. Pinky: Is there any problem with your network?
437. Customer Care: No, what happened?
438. Pinky: Its been 4 hrs. and nobody has liked my DP yet.
439. 
     
440. ===============================
441. As you celebrate the miracle of this special season, may your heart be filled with joy and peace.
442. May these holiday blessings linger in your home and stay with you throughout the year.
443. Wish you a Merry Christmas!
444. 
     
445. ===============================
446. Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it's your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.
447. 
     
448. ===============================
449. If you need knowledge, keep adding something new to your mind everyday; 
450. But if you need wisdom, then keep deleting a few things from your mind everyday.
451. Good Morning!
452. 
     
453. ===============================
454. 
     
455. 
     
456. Santa: I will admit I am wrong if you will admit I am right.
457. Jeeto: I agree! you go first.
458. Santa : Ok, I am wrong.
459. Jeeto: Yes, You are right!
460. 
     
461. ===============================
462. If a woman asks you a question, it's better to tell her the truth because...
463. .
464. .
465. .
466. .
467. .
468. .
469. .
470. .
471. Chances are she's asking you as she already knows it!
472. 
     
473. ===============================
474. If you can't find your 'Better Half',
475. .
476. .
477. .
478. .
479. .
480. .
481. .
482. .
483. .
484. .
485. Just remember, Liquor is available in 'Quarters' also!
486. 
     
487. ===============================
488. How to get rid of dark circles around your eyes?
489. 1. Open Whatsapp
490. 2. Go to Settings
491. 3. Deactivate your account
492. 
     
493. ===============================
494. Care is to 'Express' not to 'Impress' people.
495. When care is 'Expressed' truly, people will get 'Impressed' naturally!
496. Good Morning!
497. 
     
498. ===============================
499. Santa invited Banta to his home for dinner and gave him directions for Vasant Kunj. 
500. Santa: Oye! Mahipalpur Se Aana Aur Teesri Red Light Se Left Le Lena. Phir Dusri Red Light Se Right Le Lena! Hours passed... but no sign of Banta, so Santa called up to ask where he was.
501. Santa: Oye Banta, Where are you? 
502. Banta: Oye Yaar, Main To Jaipur Pahunch Geya... Because Sari Lights Green Thi, Koi Red Light Mili Hi Nahi!
503. 
     
504. ===============================
505. On Christmas, everyone says: Santa Aayega.. Santa Aayega.. but, deep in our hearts we all know...
506. .
507. .
508. .
509. .
510. .
511. .
512. Ghanta Aayega!
513. 
     
514. ===============================
515. Don't be too excited about this New Year stuff.
516. Only the calendar has changed. The spouse, job and targets remains the same.
517. 
     
518. ===============================
519. One person sets status as "I have become a father" he gets 100+ messages. 'Congrats! boy or girl?' 
520. He clarified, "Bhai Church Mein Naukri Mili Hai Father Ki"!
521. 
     
522. ===============================
523. True people and well wishers in our life are just like stars,
524. They constantly shine but often we don't see them until the dark hours come in our life. 
525. Good Night!
526. 
     
527. ===============================
528. 
     
529. 
     
530. PICSMSTEXT
531. What did Bacon say to Tomato?
532. Lettuce get together!
533. 
     
534. ===============================   
535. We need 'Strength' while doing the Possible but we need 'Faith' while doing the Impossible.
536. Good Morning!
537. 
     
538. ===============================
539. Banta: You can save your phone battery by turning off the internet.
540. Santa: Jab Internet Band Hi Rakhna Hai Toh Battery Bacha Ke Kya Karunga?
541. 
     
542. ===============================
543. Bridegroom: And now, dear, that we are married, let us have a clear understanding about our affairs. Do you wish to be president or vice-president?
544. Bride (Sweetly): Neither. You be both. I'll be just the treasurer!
545. 
     
546. ===============================
547. Agar Koi Ladki Saj-Dhaj Kar, Nai Dress Pehan K Kahin Party Mein Ja Rahi Hai
548. Toh Samaj Lo Thodi Der Mein Uski DP Badalne Wali Hai!
549. 
     
550. ===============================
551. The audience see a joker as a joker;
552. But the joker sees himself as a performer.
553. No matter what others think about you, it's your life - just go on with confidence!
554. 
     
555. ===============================
556. Wake up greet the day and make a promise to yourself its going to be a good day and no one will change it no matter what happens.
557. Have a Good Day!
558. 
     
559. ===============================  
560. ਤਿਲਕ ਜੰਵੂ ਰਾਖਾ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਤਾਕਾ॥
561. ਕੀਨੋ ਬਡੋ ਕਲੂ ਮਹਿ ਸਾਕਾ॥
562. ਸਾਧਨ ਹੇਤਿ ਇਤੀ ਜਿਨਿ ਕਰੀ॥
563. ਸੀਸੁ ਦੀਆ ਪਰ ਸੀ ਨ ਉਚਰੀ॥੧੩॥
564. 
     
565. ===============================
566. He protected the forehead mark and sacred thread (of the Hindus) which marked a great event in the Iron age. For the sake of saints, he laid down his head without even a sign.
567. 
     
568. ===============================
569. Boy: Tum Mujhe Pyaar Karti Ho?
570. Girl: Yes Baby!
571. Boy: But Tumhein Toh Meri Koi Parwah Hi Nahi!
572. Girl: Pyaar Karne Wale Kisi Ki Parwah Nahi Karte!
573. 
     
574. ===============================
575. The only problem I have with alcohol is not having enough money to keep on buying it.
576. 
     
577. ===============================
578. 
     
579. 
     
580. Lose weight by taking 3 simple steps! 
581. And then take 3 more steps. 
582. Basically, keep walking until you've lost the weight.
583. 
     
584. ===============================  
585. If days are smarter, nights are brilliant.
586. Life is too short to have boring dreams, So dream excitedly to live delightful life.
587. Good Night!
588. 
     
589. ===============================
590. A lengthy year 2015 passed peacefully, but three questions left unanswered.
591. 1. Why katappa killed Bahubali?
592. 2. Who was driving Salman's car?
593. 3. How many husbands did Indrani have?
594. 
     
595. ===============================   
596. Robert and Sonia are only two persons in this country who are proud of their mothers-in-law!
597. 
     
598. ===============================
599. Patient: Doctor Main Roj 100 Rs. Ki Dawa Lekar Ja Raha Hun But Koi Faida Nahi Hua!
600. Doctor: Achha Chalo Aaj Se 80 Rs. Ki Lekar Jao.
601. Patient: Usse Kya Hoga?
602. Doctor:Arre 20 Rs. Ka Faida Hoga!
603. 
     
604. ===============================  
605. Ek Ladki Class Mein Gana Ga Rahi Thi,'O Zara-Zara Touch me, Touch me, Touch me...' Tabhi Pappu Utha Aur Ladki Ko Chhu Liya, Aur Bola, 
606. "Himmat Hai To Aage Ga...!"
607. 
     
608. ===============================Cell phones bring you closer to person far from you.
609. But it takes you away from the ones sitting next to you!
610. 
     
611. ===============================  
612. Christmas brings family and friends together; it helps us appreciate the love in our lives we can often take for granted.
613. May the true meaning of the holiday season fill your heart and home with many blessings.
614. Wish you a Merry Christmas!
615. 
     
616. ===============================  
617. Whatever you do always give 100%,
618. Unless you're donating blood.
619. FUNNY   
620. The breath that you just took... that's a gift.
621. Good Morning!
622. 
     
623. 
     
624. ===============================
625. 
     
626. Pappu: Papa Mujhe 180CC Pulsar Bike Hi Leni Hai...
627. Santa: Beta Tu 180CC Pulsar Le Ya 350CC Ki Bullet, Picha Tune 100CC Ki Scooty Ka Hi Karna Hai..
628. 
     
629. ===============================
630. Breaking News from Silicon Valley:
631. Google looses its patent on the driverless car to an Indian by the name of Salman Khan.
632. 
     
633. ===============================
634. Breaking news:
635. Delhi govt. announces that anyone who can remember all the exemptions to the #OddEvenFormula will be exempted from it.
636. 
     
637. ===============================
638. Santa: What do you want for your birthday? 
639. Jeeto: Give me one ring... thats enough. 
640. Santa: From landline or mobile?
641. 
     
642. ===============================
643. Child: I am confused... I don't want to study.
644. Dad: What happened?
645. Chile: Biology teacher told me cell means basic of life in the body. Physics teacher told me cell means Battery. Then Economics teacher told me sell means selling things. And History teacher told me cell means prison. What is this? Now you are telling me that cell means mobile. I don't know what's right.
646. 
     
647. ===============================
648. Pollution levels alarming, in Delhi... Breathing becomes difficult... Kejriwal suggests breathing with left nostril on odd days and right nostril on even days.
649. 
     
650. ===============================
651. While getting married, most of the guys say to girl's parents that, "Main Aapki Beti Ko Shaadi Ke Baad Bahut Khush Rakhunga!" 
652. Has any girl said something like this to boy's parents anytime?
653. 
     
654. ===============================
655. It takes thousand workers to build a castle, million soldiers to protect a country but just one woman to make a happy home! let's thank...
656. .
657. .
658. .
659. .
660. .
661. .
662. .
663. The Kaamwali!
664. 
     
665. ===============================
666. Hey get up, because it's a lovely day, 
667. Go ahead and have your say, 
668. All the things are waiting for you, 
669. You just have to choose your way, 
670. Wish you a very Good Morning!
671. 
     
672. ===============================
673. Himesh: Jai Mata Di, Let's Rock!
674. Pritam: Jai Mata Di, Let's Xerox!
675. 
     
676. ===============================
677. 
     
678. Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband,
679. The Poor King can take only one step at a time... while the Mighty Queen can do whatever she likes.
680. 
     
681. ===============================
682. A boy and a girl on chat:
683. Girl: Hi baby
684. Boy: Hi... how are you?
685. Girl: I am fine... could you please send me 15k?
686. Boy: 15k! for what?
687. Girl: 5k for my clothes, 7k for my hair+nails and 3k for my shoes.
688. Boy: It's ok my love... take it...
689. k
690. k
691. k
692. k
693. k
694. k
695. k
696. k
697. k
698. k
699. k
700. k
701. k
702. k
703. k
704. Count it, it's 15k and take extra 2k
705. k
706. k
707. That's for your perfume!
708. 
     
709. ===============================
710. Kejriwal's next Krantikari reform, bath alternative days to save water:
711. Gent's: Monday, Wednesday, Friday
712. Ladies: Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday
713. Kids: Sunday only
714. #OddEvenFormula
715. 
     
716. ===============================
717. May your day filled up with your beautiful smile and positive energy to make your day a remarkable moment of your life.
718. Good Morning!
719. 
     
720. ===============================   
721. Listening to wife is like reading the terms and conditions of website.
722. You understand nothing, but still you agree.
723. 
     
724. ===============================
725. There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same!
726. 
     
727. ===============================
728. Preeto: Honey my stomach is getting bigger, I think I am pregnant.
729. Banta: Yeah, and I know who are the daddies.
730. Preeto: Who?
731. Banta: McDonald's... Dominos... SubWay... KFC!
732. 
     
733. ===============================
734. A small sad love story:
735. Boy: Hi
736. 
     
737. 
     
738. 
     
739. 
     
740. 
     
741. 
     
742. 
     
743. Girl: Haan Bhaiya Bolo!
744. 
     
745. ===============================
746. On an Average Men Spend...
747. 30% of life Sleeping
748. 29% of life Working
749. And balance is spent...
750. .
751. .
752. .
753. .
754. .
755. .
756. .
757. .
758. Apologising to Women!
759. MEN AND WOMEN  8
760. Banta: What is the most popular food of India?
761. Santa: 'Khao Meri Kasam'
762. 
     
763. 
     
764. 
     
765. There are two types of people in this world:
766. People you want to drink with and people who make you want to drink.
767. 
     
768. ===============================   
769. A status by a Wife:
770. I trust you... but remember... My trust and your bones will break simultaneously.
771. 
     
772. =============================== 
773. A wise man once told his wife...
774. .
775. .
776. .
777. .
778. .
779. .
780. .
781. .
782. .
783. Nothing! He was a wise man you see!
784. 
     
785. ===============================  
786. If you develop a habit of praying to God for others, you will never need to pray for your own self.
787. Have a blessed day!
788. 
     
789. =============================== 
790. Banta: What is a wedding tragedy?
791. Santa: To marry a woman for love, and then find out she has no money.
792. 
     
793. ===============================
794. Reporter: Sir, How do you propose to reduce the increasing incidents of rape in Delhi?
795. Kejriwal: Very simple, Bas Ek Din Sirf Purush Bahar Niklenge Aur Doosre Din Sirf Mahilayen!
796. 
     
797. ===============================
798. Mini: Another bad pic. Baby am I ugly?
799. Pappu: No, You are beautiful baby. Bas Photographer Bewkoof Hai Tumhara.
800. Mini: But Yeh To Selfie Hai!
801. 
     
802. ===============================  
803. New diseases of Whatsapp users:
804. 1. Wrong post in wrong group syndrome
805. 2. Non-reading earlier post dystrophy
806. 3. Repeated posting neurosis
807. 4. Late replying psychosis
808. 5. Non-immune religionists
809. 6. Sudden disappearances
810. 
     
811. ===============================
812. When you drive in Kanpur, you get that "Chak De India" feeling...
813. Isne Left Indicator Chalu Kiya Hai, Ye Left Mudega Par Nahi Iska Face Right Ki Taraf Hai Ye Right Mudega. 
814. Ya Khuda! Ye To Beech Raaste Mein Chal Raha Hai... Iska Matlab Ye Gutkha Thookne Ke Liye Rukega!
815. 
     
816. ===============================
817. #DelhiOddEvenLogic
818. Guy1: Bhai, Ladai Hogayi Hai, Gaadi Mein Ladke Bhar Ke Le Aa.
819. Guy2: Gaadi Ka Number Even Hai, Aaj Odd Day Hai, Maar Kha Le!
820. 
     
821. 
     
822. ===============================
823. 
     
824. 
     
825. Matrimonial ads in Delhi soon:
826. Wanted fair, tall, cultured girl with odd number plate, Manglik boy with even plates.
827. 
     
828. ===============================
829. A guy went for job interview.
830. HR Manager: Will you be able to work under pressure?
831. Guy: I've a girlfriend.
832. HR Manager: Congratulations! You're hired.
833. 
     
834. ===============================
835. In other countries dogs are known as dogs, but in India dogs are known as...
836. .
837. .
838. .
839. .
840. .
841. Dekh Tera Bhai Ja Raha Hai!
842. 
     
843. ===============================
844. Offered lift to a friend on way to home, he politely refused saying - "Sorry man, in a hurry today" and continued walking.
845. #TrafficJam
846. 
     
847. ===============================
848. Happiness is only a state of mind. If you are happy in the mind, it will reflect on your face. So always stay happy.
849. Good Morning!
850. 
     
851. ===============================
852. Itni Thand Mein Bhi Koi Hug Dene Wali Nahi Hai.
853. Yeh Intolerance Nahi To Kya Hai!
854. 
     
855. ===============================
856. She: Surprise me.
857. He sends the pic of un umpire signaling four runs.
858. She: What is this?
859. He: Chauka Dene Wali Pic!
860. 
     
861. ===============================
862. Maria: Hey, what are you eating?
863. Me: Poha
864. Maria: I'm so hungry.
865. Me: Hey Maria, will you Sharapova with me?
866. 
     
867. ===============================
868. Dear Liver,
869. This month will be rough, stay strong!
870. 
     
871. ===============================
872. In our life, happiness is more important than smile because smile comes from lips but happiness comes from heart.
873. So be happy forever!
874. Good Morning!
875. 
     
876. 
     
877. 
     
878. ===============================
879. 
     
880. Sometimes liquor is the only thing that can lubricate the grindstone we call life!
881. 
     
882. ===============================
883. A wife got so mad at her husband so she packed his bags and told him to get out. 
884. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
885. He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
886. 
     
887. ===============================
888. Air Hostess to Lalu,
889. "Sir, are you vegetarian or non-vegetarian?
890. Lalu: I'm Indian.
891. Air Hostess: No, no sir, are you Shakahari or Masahari?
892. Lalu: Hatt Sasuri... I am Bihari!
893. 
     
894. ===============================
895. Everything is easy, when you are crazy about it and nothing is easy, when you are lazy about it.
896. Good Morning!
897. 
     
898. ===============================
899. American: Do you guys call your wives 'Honey' in your native language? 
900. Santa: No, we call them 'Bee-Bee' - they sting twice as hard as the honey bee!
901. 
     
902. ===============================
903. A student wrote a letter to his father from hostel:
904. Dear Dad,
905. No money, no fun...
906. -Your son.
907. His father replied:
908. So sad, very bad...!
909. -Your dad.
910. 
     
911. ===============================
912. The temple Pujari came very close to Banta and asked, "Got Rum?"
913. Banta: Yes, Old Monk. 
914. Pujari became angry and Banta was thrown out of the temple. Later Banta realised that Pujari was asking about his "GOTRAM"!
915. 
     
916. ===============================
917. To 
918. HR Manager, 
919. I'm not feeling safe in India. Please send me onsite to any foreign country.
920. Awesome reply from HR manager... 
921. I just came to know we have open positions in Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Iran, Egypt, Turkey and all over Africa. Kindly initiate your VISA process for the same.
922. Employee: Sir, I have lost my passport.
923. 
     
924. ===============================
925. Problem of my life:
926. Whenever I try to fall in love with my books,
927. My cell phone proposes me.
928. 
     
929. ===============================
930. Army Officer: I have not linked my account to Aadhaar. But I still got gas subsidy.
931. Bank Employee: That's not the gas subsidy. That's your 7th pay commission hike in your salary.
932. 
     
933. 
     
934. ===============================
935. 
     
936. 
     
937. Son 'Gives suicide note to his father'
938. SBI Father: Peeche Account Number Aur Mobile Number Likho.
939. 
     
940. =============================== 
941. Success is a tasty dish.
942. Patience, intelligence, knowledge and experience are its 'Ingredients'.
943. But 'Hard Work' is that little salt that makes it 'Delicious'.
944. Have a successful day!
945. 
     
946. ===============================  
947. Goodbye November, Hello December
948. Please be a good month and bring smiles and happiness to family and friends.
949. 
     
950. ===============================
951. I am going to change all my passwords to 'Women'.
952. Because... Nobody seems to figure them out!
953. 
     
954. ===============================  
955. Idea Ki Internet Sharing Ad Mein 100 MB Share Karke Aise Expressions Dete Hain Jaise...
956. .
957. .
958. .
959. .
960. .
961. .
962. .
963. .
964. .
965. Apni Aadhi Jaaydaad De Di Ho Kisi Ko!
966. 
     
967. ===============================  
968. Philosophy - The questions that may never be answered.
969. Religion - The answers that must never be questioned
970. 
     
971. ===============================
972. Nehru Ji Ke Kapde Dhulne Britain Jaate They.
973. Modi Ji Ke India Aate Hain.
974. 
     
975. ===============================   
976. Whenever someone asks you for a relationship advice,
977. Just point him in the direction of the nearest liquor store!
978. SANTABANTA / ALCOHOL   
979. If she expects you to pay for everything... congratulations, you're no longer in a relationship... you're a career choice!
980. 
     
981. ===============================  
982. When we build a house, every brick counts. 
983. But when we build our character, every thought counts.
984. Feed our mind daily with positive thoughts.
985. Good Morning!
986. 
     
987. 
     
988. ===============================
989. 
     
990. 
     
991. Whisky is a brilliant invention.
992. One double and you start feeling single again.
993. 
     
994. =============================== 
995. Latest to join the bandwagon of famous people who want to leave India is Vijay Mallya.
996. Mallya says, "Indian banks are not tolerant enough."
997. 
     
998. ===============================
999. Main Bhi Country Chhod Dunga. . . 
1000. .
1001. .
1002. Sirf English Piyunga!
1003. 
      
1004. ===============================
1005. According to a research "Tall people are the 'Selfie Stick' of every group".
1006. FUNNY   
1007. Who is spreading this rumour that when PM took his seat in LS today he was looking for his 'Seatbelt'!
1008. 
      
1009. ===============================  
1010. "Happy birthday Suresh Raina, you are a good fielder, good part time bowler and you can do a good high five too."
1011. 
      
1012. =============================== 
1013. Plot changed for BB2. Now Salman goes to Pakistan to drop Kiran.
1014. 
      
1015. =============================== 
1016. Alia Bhatt - You are right Kiran, even I am scared of living in this country, would soon shift to a new country, maybe Delhi or Bangalore.
1017. 
      
1018. =============================== 
1019. How lucky is Aamir Khan that his wife is scared of something.
1020. Hamari Wali Toh Kisi Se Nahi Darti!
1021. 
      
1022. ===============================   
1023. Banta: How do you catch a squirrel?
1024. Santa: Climb onto a tree and act like a nut.
1025. 
      
1026. 
      
1027. 
      
1028. ===============================
1029. 
      
1030. 
      
1031. I am feeling very unsafe at home due to my wife's comments that I am intolerant.
1032. So I am planning to migrate to Pattaya!
1033. 
      
1034. ===============================
1035. The way Indians reacted for Aamir's statement, if they could have reacted similarly for corrupted politicians, India would have been a developed country by now!
1036. 
      
1037. ===============================
1038. If anyone wants to leave the country for good, they are free to go anywhere they desire.
1039. .
1040. .
1041. .
1042. .
1043. But... no one dare leave this group!
1044. 
      
1045. ===============================
1046. Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.
1047. ~ William Arthur Ward
1048. Happy Thanksgiving!
1049. 
      
1050. =============================== 
1051. Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.
1052. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
1053. Happy Thanksgiving!
1054. 
      
1055. ===============================
1056. Thanksgiving is a time when the world gets to see just how blessed and how workable the Christian system is.
1057. The emphasis is not on giving or buying, but on being thankful and expressing that appreciation to God and to one another.
1058. Happy Thanksgiving!
1059. 
      
1060. ===============================
1061. Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.
1062. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.
1063. Happy Thanksgiving!
1064. 
      
1065. ===============================  
1066. May the good things of life be yours in abundance not only at Thanksgiving but throughout the coming year.
1067. Happy Thanksgiving!
1068. =============================== 
1069. Whatever is beautiful,
1070. Whatever is meaningful,
1071. Whatever brings you happiness...
1072. May it be yours forever!
1073. Happy Thanksgiving!
1074. 
      
1075. ===============================
1076. A special greeting of Thanksgiving:
1077. Time to express to you our sincere appreciation for your confidence and loyalty.
1078. We are deeply thankful and extend to you our best wishes for a happy and healthy Thanksgiving Day!
1079. 
      
1080. 
      
1081. 
      
1082. ===============================
1083. 
      
1084. God is one, but He has innumerable forms.
1085. He is the creator of all and He himself takes the human form.
1086. 
      
1087. ===============================
1088. ਨਾਨਕ ਦਾਸੁ ਇਹੈ ਸੁਖੁ ਮਾਂਗੇ ਮੋਕਉ ਕਰਿ ਸੰਤਨ ਕੀ ਧੂਰੇ ।।੪।। ।।੫।।
1089. 
      
1090. Nanak your slave, begs for this happiness:
1091. Let me be the dust of the feet of the Saints!
1092. Wish you all a very Happy Gurupurab
1093. 
      
1094. ===============================   
1095. ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਨ ਸਿਮਰਹਿ ਸਾਧਸੰਗਿ ਤੈ ਤਨਿ ਉਡੈ ਖੇਹ ॥
1096. ਜਿਨਿ ਕੀਤੀ ਤਿਸੈ ਨ ਜਾਣਈ ਨਾਨਕ ਫਿਟੁ ਅਲੂਣੀ ਦੇਹ ॥੧॥
1097. 
      
1098. ===============================
1099. That body, which does not remember the Lord's Name in meditation in the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy, shall be reduced to dust.
1100. Cursed and insipid is that body, O Nanak, which does not know the One who created it. ||1||
1101. Happy Guru Nanak Gurpurab!
1102. 
      
1103. ===============================
1104. Such is the karma of those upon whom He has cast His glance of grace,
1105. O Nanak, the Merciful Lord, by His grace, uplifts and exalts them on this auspicious day.
1106. May Guru Nanak Dev Ji bless you and your family at all times.
1107. Happy Gurupurab!
1108. 
      
1109. ===============================  


1110. May the teachings of Guru Nanak reflect goodness and compassion in you; and brings the happiness & prosperity into your life.
1111. Wish you a very Happy Gurpurab!
1112. 
      
1113. ===============================   
1114. 
      
1115. After filing of police complaint against Aamir now Kiran may feel...
1116. Bachchon Ki Baat Chhodo Yahan To Bachchon Ke Papa Bhi Safe Nahi Hain!
1117. 
      
1118. =============================== 
1119. I showed my 12 year old son an old floppy disk,
1120. He said, "Wow cool! you 3D printed the save icon!"
1121. 
      
1122. ===============================
1123. So, you hate your job?
1124. Whenever you think you have a dumb boss, just think about...
1125. The IAS officer, who will be reporting to a 9th standard pass Deputy CM, who couldn't take his oath in one attempt.
1126. And they can't even change their jobs!
1127. 
      
1128. ===============================
1129. Preity Zinta to marry GoodEnough.
1130. Wasn't Ness Wadia GoodEnough?
1131. 
      
1132. ===============================
1133. Globally, countries are mainly classified into two:
1134. 1. Modi already visited
1135. 2. Modi yet to be visited
1136.