Funny Whatsapp Status Now New 2017

1.     @Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
2.     Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
3.     People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
4.     A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
5.     A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
6.     No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
7.     I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.
8.     I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
9.     Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
10.     I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
11.     Do not worry about av@oiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
12.     Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.
13.     My life needs editing.
14.     Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.
15.     Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
16.     I never said most of the things I said.
17.     If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
18.     Reality continues to ruin my life.
19.     If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.
20.     I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
21.     All men are equal before fish.
22.     I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
23.     If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
24.     TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
25.     If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
26.     I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.
27.     I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
28.     If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
29.     There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.
30.     As for our majority… one is enough.
31.     I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
32.     We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect.
33.     Turn up the lights. I don’t want to go home in the dark.
34.     I love to go to switzerland – if only to be near my m
35.     I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
36.     Include me out.
37.     One man is as good as another until he has written a book.
38.     I saw a stationery store move.
39.     Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
40.     Everything is funny, as @long as it’s happening to somebody else.
41.     Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
42.     I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I’m funny, and I’m a good person.
43.     To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
44.     You can’t really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
45.     It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
46.     I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary.
47.     If something is shocking without being funny it’s hard to justify.
48.     I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom.@
49.     You know what’s funny to me? Attitude.
50.     If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that’s what I’d be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong.


51.     Everybody’s funny if you love them.
52.     Everythings funnier when youre supposed to be quiet..
53.     Who needs television when there is so much drama on Whatsapp.
54.     I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
55.     I have a date, um how do I get skinny by tomorrow?
56.     A wise man once told me, no matter how HOT she is, somebody somewhere is sick of her….
57.     If you need more TIME go and purchase a watch.
58.     Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.
59.     No one is listening until you make a mistake.
60.     People who have Mobile Contacts like ‘Mom 2’, ‘Dad 2′ scare me:|
61.     My favourite type of people are the relatives who give me bucks when they leave. ?
62.     You look like a before picture.
63.     Well I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
64.     3 AM my cell is ringing…hey there you asleep?? No I’m Skydiving.
65.     People said to follow your dreams so i went back to bed.
66.     All my life a thought air was free…Until I bought a bag of chips.
67.     Great power comes with great electricity bills.
68.     Silence is Golden. Duct tape is Silver :3
69.     On the other hand…you have different fingers.
70.     I pretend to work. They p@retend to pay me.
71.     Most of the fruits I know now and did not know were existed – Is only because of the shampoo
72.     When you are on a 1% battery anyone who sends a message, Or calling, Becomes the enemy
73.     A lazy person is the one who can turn a call into a missed call.
74.     I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
75.     I hate math but I love countin@g money.
76.     I really wanna work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun ?
77.     I love cakes and cakes love me back perfect relation happy ending
78.     I try to avoid things that make m~e fat …… Like weighing scales , mirrors , photographs … ?
79.     When people don’t laugh at my jokes I just assume that they’re not up to my level of comedy.
80.     we live in world of smart phones and stupid people ?
81.     Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
82.     It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
83.     Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
84.     Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! ?
85.     My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
86.     I don’t like people who buy gym memberships just to walk on a treadmill. WALKING IS FREE.
87.     I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough ?
88.     I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
89.     Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
90.     When I was a kid, I used to wake up e~arly just to watch cartoons.
91.     I don’t always have time to study… but when I do, I don’t.
92.     I feel my phone vibrate sometime even when it s not in my pocket
93.     I was watching a tutorial on Whatsapp about how to sleep but it was so boring that I fell asleep
94.     I love car rides so much that I actually get disappointed when we reach our destination.