Latest jokes for whatsapp


  • Man Asks Wife- What Would You Do If I Won The Lottery ?

  • Wife Says- I-d Take Half n Leave You…..

  • Husband- Perfect !

  • I-ve Won $10 , Here-s $5

  • Now Get Lost………

  • ===============================
  • What do you call a bee that has come from
  • America ???
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • “USB”
  • No claps please…. :p 😀

  • ===============================
  • Best way to propose a girl
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Take her to sea, ask her to sit in a boat..
  • .
  • .
  • Then take the boat in the middle of sea… .
  • .
  • Then say Marry Me or leave my boat…!

  • ===============================
  • When U Breathe,
  • U Respire.

  • Wah wah

  • When U Breathe,
  • U Respire !

  • Wah wah

  • When u Don’t Breathe,
  • U Expire….. :p 😀

  • ===============================
  • Boy : You Look Exactly Like My Wife..!
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Girl : Ohhh..! What’s Your Wife’s
  • Name..?
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Boy : I’m Not Married Yet..!!
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Moral : Learn New Methods To
  • Propose..!!

  • ===============================
  • Girl To Her Boy Friend : Darling, Do You Know Handsome And Smart Boys Always….
  • Get Stupid Girl Friends..!!
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Boy: Thanks For The Compliment Darling..!!

  • ===============================
  • Teacher: “Where’s Your Book?!”
  • Student: “At Home.”
  • Teacher: “And What’s It Doing There?”
  • Student: “Having MOre Fun Than Me.”

  • ===============================
  • After massive demands from all husbands……….

  • A new app called ‘Panic’ is launched for smart phones..

  • You just say…..
  • ‘Wife’..
  • and it closes all websites, hides all chats, hide all special folders and best of all.
  • puts your wife’s photograph as a wallpaper……..

  • ===============================
  • A plane was transporting mentally impaired patients & they were making too much noise. One of the mad men entered Pilots cabin.

  • MADMAN: Hey Mr Pilot Teach me how to fly a plane.

  • PILOT: I will but under one condition.

  • MADMAN: Whats that?

  • PILOT: If only you can get your friends to keep quiet.

  • MADMAN: Okay.

  • (5 minutes later the plane is quiet).

  • PILOT: Wow, how did u get em to keep quiet?

  • MADMAN: I opened the door & told them to go and play outside.

  • ===============================
  • A little boy was in a taxi eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another …
  • .
  • A man next to him said “Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth”
  • .
  • The boy replied, “my grandfather lived for 132 years”
  • .
  • The man asked ” was it because of eating chocolate ?”
  • .
  • The boy replied, “No, he was always minding his own business”


  • ===============================
  • Sonu Rings a call centre:
  • My internet is not working properly
  • Officer: Ok, Double click on “My computer”
  • Sonu : I can’t see ur computer
  • Officer: No no, click on “My computer” on ur computer
  • Sonu : How can I click on ur computer from my computer?
  • Officer:listen, There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur computer, Ok double click on it
  • Sonu : what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..?
  • Officer : Double click on ur computer
  • Sonu : On which Icon i’ve to click
  • Officer: “My Computer”
  • Sonu : Tell me where is ur office. I’ll come there and click on ur “Computer.”

  • ===============================
  • Beggar: Sir please give me rs. 6 For coffee.

  • Man: Coffee? Its rs. 3 only.

  • Beggar: 1 for my girlfriend!

  • Man: Wow! you too made a girlfriend?

  • Beggar: No sir, girlfriend made me a beggar.

  • ===============================
  • A line written on a Husband’s T-shirt :
  • ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • OF THEM..:-P

  • Leave a comment
  • Height of Good Luck ……..!


  • E-Mail This
  • Height of Good Luck …!

  • Teacher: Hey! Stand up.Tell me two pronouns.
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Student: Who? Me?

  • Teacher: Very Good, Sit down 😀

  • ===============================
  • Roses are red; Violets are blue

  • Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.

  • Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too

  • Not in cage but outside, laughing at you…….. 😀

  • ===============================
  • Some times small small things in life hurt a lot…. If u don’t agree with me
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • TRY TO SIT ON A PIN

  • ===============================
  • Behind every successful person, there is a
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • DEACTIVATED FACEBOOK ACCOUNT….

  • ===============================
  • Boy: I heard you failed in English?
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Girl: who TELLED you? It’s unpossible, I will checked the results yesterday and I passed away…….. :p

  • ===============================
  • This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat,
  • keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,
  • 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

  • ===============================
  • “DRINKS”
  • D-elicious aftr 1 Peg.
  • R-omantic aftr 2 peg.
  • I-nterested aftr 3 peg.
  • N-aughty aftr 4 peg.
  • K-ing aftr 5 peg.
  • S-nake aftr 6 peg…..

  • ===============================

  • Teacher: where is Everest?
  • .
  • Student: I don’t know Mam….
  • .
  • Teacher: You Stand on the desk!
  • .
  • Student: Still cannot see ma’am

  • ===============================
  • What’s the most most embarrassing moment in one’s life?
  • .
  • ..
  • When nobody likes your Facebook status! :'( :p

  • ===============================
  • What did the male dog say 2 the female dog in the cool night with bright moon light?
  • .
  • .
  • THINK ??
  • .
  • .
  • BOW BOW! What else can a dog say?

  • ===============================
  • Height of Addiction: Just bofore a prisoner was ready to be hanged to death the officer asked him about his last wish..!!
  • He said- I want to update MyFACEBOOK status as DIED ..!!

  • ===============================
  • 4 Stages of marriage:

  • 1. Mad for each other….

  • 2. Made for each other….

  • 3. Mad at each other….

  • 4. Mad bcoz of each other…..

  • ===============================
  • Before Marriage:-

  • He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait

  • she: Do you want me 2 leave?

  • He: No! don’t even think about it

  • She: Do you love me ?

  • He: Ofcourse! over n over!

  • She: Have u ever cheated on me?

  • He: No!y r u even asking?

  • She: will u go on wid me on picnic?

  • He: Every chance I get!

  • She: Will u hit me ?

  • He: R u crazy?I’m not that kind of person!

  • She: Can I trust u?

  • He: Yes..

  • She: Darling!

  • After marriage…
  • Now simply read from bottom to top

  • ===============================
  • A good teacher according to students is One who :

  • -Should Be Absent At Least 3 Times A Week
  • -Should Come In Class 10mins Late And Left The Class 10 Mins Earlier
  • -Should Not Give Any Homework And Assignments
  • -Should Not Ask Any Questions To Students
  • -Should Not Disturb The Students By Teaching While They Are Talking

  • ===============================
  • Preet: Meet my wife Tina
  • Gagan : Oh! I know her
  • Preet : How?
  • Gagan : We were caught sleeping together
  • Preet : What the hell?
  • Gagag : During lecture in maths class

  • Think +ve:)

  • ===============================
  • After an accident….
  • A very angry driver Say : I showed you the headlights & told u 2 go by side.

  • Man : I also started the wipers & said No, no..No no. 😀

  • ===============================
  • A girl & boy were sitting alone, that boy started touching the girl…..

  • Girl : don’t touch me, all this only after marriage.

  • Boy : ok call me when you are married.


  • What is a girl friend?

  • Addition of problems,subtraction of money,multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

  • ===============================
  • Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
  • Bittu: No! I will not be able to attend it.
  • Teacher: Why?
  • Bittu: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!

  • ===============================
  • Million Copies Of A New Book Sold In Just Two Days Due To Typing Error In Title i.e.
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • “AN IDEA CAN CHANGE YOUR WIFE (LIFE)” 😛

  • ===============================
  • Wife comes home Late at Night & Quietly Opens the door to her bedRoom.

  • From under the Blanket She Sees 4 Legs Instead Of 2.

  • She reaches for a Baseball Bat & Starts hitting the Blanket as hard as She can.

  • Once She’s done, She goes to the Kitchen to have a drink..

  • As She Enters, She Sees Her Husband there, Reading a Magazine..

  • “Hi Darling” He say; Your Parents have come to Visit us, so I Let them stay in Our bedRoom. Hope U have said Hello!

  • ===============================
  • WIFE: What would you do if i died?

  • Would you get married again?
  • Husband: No…

  • Wife- Why not?
  • Don’t you like being married?

  • Husband: Of course i do.

  • Wife: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

  • Husband: Ok, ok, i’d get married again…

  • Wife: Would you live in our house with your new Wife…?

  • Husband: Yes, it’s a great house.

  • Wife: Would you let her drive my car ?

  • Husband: Yes, its almost new, dear .

  • Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?

  • Husband: No.. I am sure she would want her own..

  • Wife: Would she wear my shoes..?

  • Husband: No, her size is ’5

  • Wife: –silence-

  • Husband: ‘shiiit’…!!!

  • ===============================
  • 4 dangerous weapons in the world bigger than nuclear bomb:

  • 1. Wife’s Smile
  • 2. Wife’s Tear
  • 3. Wife’s Looks

  • And the most dangerous,

  • 4. Wife’s Missed Call.!

  • ===============================
  • Father : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
  • Son : Not that much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

  • ===============================
  • Man to a Lady In a Crowded mall: I have Lost My Wife, Will you Please talk to Me for A second
  • Lady: why?
  • Man: because whenever I Talk to Ladies She Appears From nowhere like a ghost…..

  • ===============================
  • A Kid On His Way 2 Home With His Mom Saw A Couple Kissing On The Road,
  • He Suddenly Shouted & Said: Look Mom look, that boy and girl Are Fighting For A Chewing GUM.

  • ===============================
  • Exams are like girl friends
  • – difficult 2 understand
  • – too many questions
  • – more explanations are needed And results are most of the time failure…..


  • ===============================
  • Birdy birdy in the sky
  • Dropped a poopy in my eyes,
  • I do not worry I do not cry
  • I am just happy that cows don’t fly!

  • ===============================
  • Double Heart Attack Message By A Girl To A Boy:
  • .
  • .
  • Girl Msg: “lets Break Up Now,its All Over.
  • .
  • .
  • Boy Msg: “sorry, Sorry,
  • .
  • .
  • Girl Msg: “Sorry! That Was Not For You……..”

  • ===============================
  • In A Nursery School Canteen,
  • .
  • .
  • There Was A Basket Of Apples With A Notice Written Over It:
  • ”Do Not Take More Than One, God Is Watching”
  • .
  • .
  • On The Other Counter There Was A Box Of Chocolates,
  • .
  • .
  • A Small Child Went & Wrote On It
  • ..
  • “Take As Many As You Want, God Is Busy Watching The Apples……..
  • ===============================
  • Dad:” Give me ur Mobile for a Minute..
  • .
  • .
  • Son:” Wait dad, Let me Switch it on..
  • .
  • Gf Pic delete, Gals Number list delete, Phone call Received delete,Delete, Delete, Delete, Memory Card Format..
  • .
  • .
  • Son:” Here it is..
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Dad:” Thanx I Just want to see the time………

  • ===============================
  • Wife : U had lunch ?
  • Husband : ( in a fun mood ) U had lunch ?
  • Wife : I’m asking u.
  • Husband : I’m asking u.
  • Wife : R u copying me ?
  • Husband : R u copying me ?
  • Wife : Lets go shopping.
  • Husband : I had lunch.

  • ===============================
  • Wife is CUTE, when she is MUTE
  • Husband is HONEY, when he gives money…. 😀

  • ===============================
  • Boyfriend: can you be the moon of my life?

  • Girlfriend: Awww Yes sweetheart..!

  • Boyfriend: Great! then Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!!

  • ===============================
  • Girl : What are you doing ?
  • Boy : killing mosquitoes
  • Girl : how many did you killed?
  • Boy : 3 females, 2 male, total 5 !!!
  • Girl : how did you know that?
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Boy : 3 sitting on mirror, 2 near beer..!

  • ===============================
  • Science Teacher: Oxygen is a must for breathing & for life. It was discovered in 1773.

  • Student: Thank God ! I am born after 1773 otherwise,I would have died without it.

  • ===============================
  • Wife: Look at that man who has drunk a lot..
  • Husband: Who is he?
  • Wife: 10 year ago, he was my boy friend and i denied him for marriage.
  • Husband: Oh my god, he is still celebrating!!
  • ===============================

  • Two Tigers were resting under a tree Suddenly A RABBIT passed very fast Tiger could not make out & ……Asked
  • “What was that?”
  • 2nd Tiger smiled & said,
  • “FAST FOOD”

  • ===============================
  • Husband message to wife

  • Hi,what are you doing darling???
  • Wife-i am dying…!!
  • Husband- Jumps with joy but
  • types-oh my dear, how can I live without U???
  • wife – You idiot i am dying my hair
  • Husband -Damn English!!!!

  • ===============================
  • Girl: hi baby..

  • Boy: hii jaan…(sending failed)

  • Girl: r u here??

  • Boy: yes yes..i m here…(sending failed) …

  • Girl: r u ignorng me or what?? :s

  • Boy: honey i m nt..i m ryt here..(sending failed)

  • Girl: its over..dnt u evr talk to me again !! :@

  • Boy: Damn ! go to hell.. :@ (message send)

  • ===============================
  • A Five year old boy was trying to write a letter

  • Dad: What are you writing my son ??

  • Son: Love letter to my girlfriend !!!

  • Dad: Do you know how to write ??

  • Son: No!!! So what…
  • She also doesn’t know how to read. It’s Love Dad you won’t Understand….

  • ===============================
  • A boy was driving a car,a girl was trying to overtake him rashly.

  • Boy: “Hey…Buffalo!”

  • Girl Shouts back: “You Pig, Donkey, Stupid!”

  • Then she accidents and hit the buffalo crossing the road.

  • Moral: Girls never understand what boys say!…

  • ===============================
  • A Student Wrote A Letter To His Father From Hostel:
  • Dear Dad,
  • No Money, No fun.
  • Your Son.
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • His Father Replied:
  • So Sad, Very Bad!
  • Your Dad

  • ===============================
  • Girls express their Feelings with lot of ‘TEARS’

  • &

  • Boys express their Feelings with bottles of ‘BEERS n CHEERS’ 😀

  • ===============================
  • Girl: What do u do?
  • Boy: PHD.
  • .
  • .
  • Girl: Wow! Doctorate.
  • Boy: No. Pizza Hut Delivery

  • ===============================
  • “SEMESTER” Change


  • E-Mail This
  • TEACHER:” Last year u were in love with that girl & this year u r in love with other..
  • What do u think of urself ??
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Engg Student:”SEMESTER” change.

  • ===============================
  • Aftr engagemnt!
  • Girl:Now stop looking at girls, u r commited now!

  • Boy:Oho what do u mean, if i m on diet, that doesn’t mean that i cant look at MENU . .




  • Little Tom: Mam,will you punish me for something that I didn’t do ?

  • Teacher : Not at all.

  • Little Tom : That’s good. Actually i didn’t do my homework!

  • ===============================
  • Why Girls Live Longer Than Boys???? ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • Scientific Studies Have Proved That ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • “SHOPPING”
  • Never Causes HEART ATTACKS, But, .
  • ..
  • “PAYING The “BILLS” Does.

  • ===============================
  • Husband To wife – “Wow Darling.., The House is So clean..!!! Was the Whatsapp Server down today…???”
  • Wife : No
  • Husband : (surprised !!!)
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Wife : I lost my phone charger, had to put things in place to look for it……….

  • ===============================
  • I Cried When I Failed In 2 Subjects,
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • But
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • I laughed When I Came To Know My Friend Failed In 5 Subjects……..

  • ===============================
  • I Hate When Teachers Say
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • You Should Know This
  • You Learned This in 10th standard !
  • .
  • Damn :
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • I Don’t Even Remember
  • What U taught in Last Lecture….

  • ===============================
  • Husband sent a text to his wife at night, “Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”

  • He sent another text, “And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car”

  • She texted back, “OMG really?”

  • Husband replied – “No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message”….!!!

  • ===============================
  • Tom stood up in the aeroplane & shouted

  • “HIJACK…”

  • Everyone started crying and screaming. . . .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Then JACK stood up

  • &

  • replied

  • “HI Tom .!!!”

  • ===============================
  • E-Mail This
  • Question: “How to kill an ant?”

  • Asked in an exam for 10 marks!

  • Student:
  • Mix chilli powder with sugar,& Keep it outside the ant’s hole

  • After eating, ant will search for some water near a water tank. Push ant in to it!

  • Now ant will go to dry itself near fire, When it reaches fire, put a bomb into d fire!

  • Then admit wounded ant in icu! And then remove oxygen mask from it’s mouth and kill the ant 😐

  • Moral: Don’t play with students! They can do any thing for 10 marks!!!!!!!!!

  • ===============================
  • Girlfriend setting password for her laptop with boyfriend sitting beside her.. .
  • .
  • . She types “BRAIN” as password
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Boyfriend fell down of his chair laughing, Bcoz .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Laptop replied: “TOO SMALL “…

  • ===============================
  • 80% Of Teachers are Suffering From Throat Pain by Teaching Students.

  • So Plz.

  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • BUNK the Classes As Much As Possible and Save the Teachers !!!

  • ===============================
  • Husband wife watching an a Cricket match together :
  • After 5 minutes:

  • Wife : Is this Bret Lee ??

  • Husband : No, this is Chris Gayle, Bret Lee is a bowler..

  • Wife : Okay, oh look, another wicket..

  • Husband : No, this is just a replay of the last one..

  • Wife : Hmm, looks like India is going to win this one..

  • Husband : It’s Austraila V/s west Indies

  • Wife : How many runs they need to win now ??

  • Husband : 72 runs in 36 balls..

  • Wife : Ehnn! That’s easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball..

  • Husband : *Turns off the TV*

  • Wife : Turns it on again and starts watching “Daily serial”

  • Husband : Who is she ??
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Wife : don’t disturb me………..

  • ===============================
  • Teacher:” What will u do after growng up.. ??
  • .
  • Student:” Facebooking
  • .
  • .
  • Teacher:” No! I mean what will u Become…??
  • .
  • .
  • Student:” Admin of facebook pages
  • .
  • .
  • Teacher:” O My G0d! I Mean what will u Achieve after u grow up…??
  • .
  • .
  • Student:” Facebook Admin Rights
  • .
  • .
  • Teacher:” Idiot! I Mean what will u do 4 ur Parents…??
  • .
  • .
  • Student:” I create a page for them on facebooK. “I Luv Mom n Dad..
  • .
  • .
  • Teacher:” Stupid! What do ur parents want from U…??

  • Student:” My facebook password..
  • .
  • .
  • Teacher:” Oh God! What is the purpose of ur Life ??
  • .
  • .
  • Student:” Facebook but never face a book…

  • ===============================
  • A student was asked 2 write a signboard for the traffic rules near da college campus
  • .
  • .
  • He wrote:-

  • “Drive Carefully! Don’t kill the students,
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • wait for the Teachers..!”

  • ===============================
  • Wife called hubby in office ..
  • Wife – window is not opening .. What shall I do ?
  • Hubby – Put some hot water n wait for while. It will open …

  • Wife (lil unconvinced)- r u sure ?
  • Hubby – ya trust me it will do the magic.. Try it ..

  • (After a while hubby calls back to check) … Did u do as I told u ! Did it do the needful trick ?

  • Wife – I don’t know about the trick or magic but NOW entire laptop is not starting…………………..

  • ===============================
  • A newly wedded girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.

  • She was asked to give a little
  • speech.
  • She addressed as follows; My dear family members, i thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family“, she said “Firstly, with my presence i would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that i don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.

  • “What do you mean my child?” asked her Mother-In-Law.
  • What i mean is; Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.

  • Those who cook should not stop on my account. Those who used to clean should continue cleaning. As for me, i am here just to control your son………

  • ===============================
  • Drunk man is stopped by the Police around 1 am. & is asked where he is going at this time of night.

  • The man replies, “I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health.”

  • Officer: Really….??? Sounds interesting, Who is giving that lecture at this time of night…..???”
  • Man replies “My Wife”!!!

  • ===============================
  • The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
  • All were busy writing except Monu. He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!”

  • ===============================
  • Dad writes on son’s wall
  • “Son, how have you been? Your mom & I Am fine, We miss you a lot Please Turn off your PC & come down

  • ===============================
  • E-Mail This
  • Preeto to maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary.
  • Kanta: I don’t believe it! You are just trying to make me jealous.

  • ===============================
  • Sweet Letter Written By a Small Child To Lays Company.
  • Dear Lays Chips Manufacturer.
  • You Forgot To Mention 1 Thing Under ingredients.
  • 75% AIR.

  • ===============================

  • A man buys a ticket for Rs 100 and wins the lottery of 1 crore. He goes to claim it.
  • Man: I want Rs 1 crore.
  • Lottery Agent: We give you 10 lakh today. The rest amount will be paid in next 6 months.
  • Man: Oh, no! I want all my money right now. If you don’t do it today, then I want my Rs 100 back.

  • ===============================
  • Teacher: How to kill a mosquito?
  • Student: Catch it alive,
  • Tie its legs
  • then make gudgudi in its stomach
  • and when it laughs,Catch its mouth
  • & pour a spoon of Poison
  • ===============================
  • My manager started like this “Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids”

  • ===============================
  • Tomorrow Call Your parents especially mother and father.

  • ===============================
  • Once Teacher Told “If you talk so loudly I will stand upping you”
  • ===============================
  • This is what my manager said, “Peoples, please sit down and take your seats”

  • ===============================
  • I have 3 daughters, all are girls

  • ===============================
  • Class teacher once said: “Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!”

  • ===============================
  • Once Hindi teacher said…. “I’m going out of the world to America.”

  • ===============================
  • Its a five minutes from home to the Bar.But its One hour walks from the Bar to home


  • ===============================

  • Teacher: Why are you late?
  • Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
  • Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?
  • Student: No. I was standing on it.

  • ===============================
  • Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
  • Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that Another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?
  • Son: No.

  • ===============================
  • Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
  • Teacher: Little Johnny, May I go to the bathroom?
  • Little Johnny: But I asked first!

  • ===============================
  • Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me.
  • No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
  • Doctor: Next please!

  • ===============================
  • Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
  • Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

  • ===============================
  • Examiner: Why are you under tension?
  • Did you forget admit card, ID, or calculator?

  • Student: No Sir!
  • By mistake I have brought tomorrow exam’s pharray (Cheating material) today

  • ===============================
  • Little Johnny: Mam, will you punish me for something that I didn’t do ?
  • Teacher: Not at all.
  • Little Johnny: That’s good..Actually I didn’t do my homework!

  • ===============================
  • There are two types of studies:
  • 1 – Hard subjects which cannot be studied.
  • 2 – Easy subject that doesn’t need to be studied

  • ===============================
  • A student grabbed a coin, flipped it in the air & said,
  • “Head, I go to sleep”
  • “Tail, I watch a movie”
  • If it stands on the edge “I’ll study”

  • ===============================
  • The funniest situation in student life when we have no idea what to write In the exam paper And the supervisor comes and says,
  • “Please cover your answer sheet”



  • The most “hungry + sad” moment
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • When you’re sitting in the examination hall,Feeling hungry
  • &
  • Then the invigilator is served Hot “tea with samosas”..

  • ===============================
  • Exams are like Girl friends
  • – Too many questions
  • – Difficult to understand
  • – More explanation is needed
  • – Result is always fail!

  • ===============================
  • I Cried When I Failed In 2 Subjects,
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • But
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • I laughed When I Came To Know My Friend Failed In 5 Subjects…

  • ===============================
  • When you Feel Sad….To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, “Damn I am really so cute” you will overcome your sadness. But don’t make this a habit….. Because liars go to hell

  • ===============================
  • A mobile is like women – Talks non-stop, Costs a fortune, Disturbs when You Are busy and when You need them urgently …They have no service.

  • ===============================
  • A Boy Was Going With His Girl Friend
  • Friend Asked: Who Is She?
  • Boy: My Cousin.
  • The Friend Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin. ..!

  • ===============================
  • I Will Gift You A Gold Ring With Diamond

  • Boy: I Love You..
  • Girl: Hahahahaha

  • Boy: I Won’t Live Without You..
  • Girl: Hahahahahahaha

  • Boy: I Will Die For You..
  • Girl: Hahahahahahahaha

  • Boy: I Will Gift You A Gold Ring With Diamond..?
  • Girl: Awwwww.. Promise ??

  • Boy: Hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha

  • ===============================
  • Boy: I want you …To be with me in a nice Restaurant
  • To have candle light dinner…. & to say those sweet three words to you….
  • Girl: What??
  • Boy: “PAY THE BILL”

  • ===============================
  • Style of break up:
  • Boy bought gift for His Girl friend-
  • Girl Friend: What the hell would I do with this rocket?
  • Boy: You wanted stars ….. !
  • Now sit on it and GET LOST
  • ===============================
  • I am your girlfriend:
  • Smart.
  • Intelligent.
  • Sweet.
  • Talented.
  • Excellent.
  • Romantic.
  • .
  • .
  • I Am Right ?
  • .
  • .
  • In short I am your S.I.S.T.E.R.



  • Boy: your teeth are like the stars
  • Girl: oh.. Thanks
  • Are they that much pretty?
  • Boy: no, far away from each other.

  • ===============================
  • Do you remember the day we traveled in a car?
  • I put my dog out of the window, you put Your face out,Then people started shouting ‘TWINS TWINS’

  • ===============================
  • Boy: how do I play the guitar????
  • Girl: You should be on TV for your talent:|
  • Boy: Am I so good???
  • Girl: if you were on TV, I can at least switch it off

  • ===============================
  • A Child was playing video game in his room.
  • His mother enters:
  • Mother: The weather is really good outside, Go and play outside.
  • Child : Okay Mom!!
  • The child takes the video joystick and goes out near the window and starts continuing his game!!
  • ===============================
  • Young Girl Praying – Please God Marry Me With Intelligent Man.
  • God Replied – That’s Impossible, Because Intelligent Men Don`t Get Married.

  • ===============================
  • BED LUCK

  • Girl: hi baby.
  • Boy: hi my lovely..
  • (sending failed)

  • Girl: are u there…??
  • Boy: yes ! yes i am here!
  • (sending failed)

  • girl: Are You ignoring me or what….??

  • Boy: honey i Am not…. i Am here..
  • (sending failed)
  • girl: OK! it’s over: don’t You ever talk to me again!

  • Boy: DAMN! go to hell !
  • (message sent)

  • ===============================
  • Teacher:- Okay,James In this exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question.
  • James:- How long do I get for the answers?

  • ===============================
  • You are A nice person
  • but You have to do two things early in the morning…
  • 1st- pray to God so that you can live….
  • 2nd- take a bath so that others can live…

  • ===============================
  • Two devils came in to my dreams.
  • They said,
  • “We want to disturb some good person.”
  • I suggest them your name.
  • They said,
  • “We cannot disturb our boss

  • ===============================
  • I just feel you,
  • Whenever I feel you,
  • I just miss you,
  • Whenever i miss you,
  • I just want to See You,
  • Do you know why?
  • It’s juts because…………
  • ” I LOVE CARTOONS ”



  • Difference between Ignorance & self-control?
  • When You See mirror & You don’t laugh at yourself, that is ignorance!
  • &
  • When i look at you & i don’t laugh, that’s called self control

  • ===============================
  • U Are Ultimate
  • U Are Lovely
  • U Are Likable
  • U Are Unique
  • In short ……
  • U Are ULLU !!!

  • ===============================
  • Ultimate insult..
  • I Love your smile Because..
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • My favorite color is “YELLOW” !!

  • ===============================
  • Husband & wife are like 2 tyres of a vehicle, If 1 punctures, the vehicle can’t move further
  • Moral: always keep a spare tyre…

  • ===============================
  • A man in Hell asked Devil: Can I make a call to my Wife?
  • After making call he asked how much to pay.
  • Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

  • ===============================
  • Husband asks:- Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
  • It means…Without Information, Fighting every time!
  • WIFE says:- No darling, it means:- With Idiot for Ever

  • ===============================
  • Wife: honey what Are You looking for?
  • Husband: nothing
  • Wife: why have You been reading our marriage certificate For an hour ?
  • Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date

  • ===============================
  • Wife: Do you want dinner?
  • Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
  • Wife: Yes and no.

  • ===============================
  • It is said that Husband is the head of the family,
  • But
  • Remember that wife is the Neck of the family.
  • And the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.

  • ===============================
  • Having “WIFE” Is A Part of Living…
  • But
  • Having “GIRLFRIEND” Along With the “WIFE” Is Art of Living



No comments :

Post a Comment