Funny Whatsapp Status New Message 2017

•  I look at people sometimes and think... Really??? That’s the sperm that won.
• 2. I want to go on a shopping trip whe~re I am the only one in the shopping mall and everything I want is free.
• 3. “Ladies first” was probably invented by a dude who enjoyed admiring women from behind.
• 4. So thankful my childhood was filled with imagination and bruises from playing outside. Instead of apps and how many likes you can get on a selfie.
• 5. When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.
• 6. My goal in life isn’t to become famous or powerful…it’s to make enough money to eat whatever I want.
• 7. My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.
• 8. I’m slowly becoming more una~ble to fit my hand into a pringles can… is this what growing up feels like?
• 9. Sometimes I forget how I did things without a smart phone like get directions, find recipes or have insomnia.
• 10. Nothing like trying to study to make you realize how cool the ceiling looks.
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• 11. I don’t know what’s worse –~ getting in the shower or getting out?
• 12. I will marry the girl, who look pretty in her Adhaar card.
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• 13. That awkward moment when people start stuff on your Facebook status and you just don’t want to get involved.
• 14. I love food and sleep. If I give you a bit of food or text you all night, that means something.
• 15. Have you ever just looked ~at someone and automatically felt annoyed?
• 16. Diets are hard because I get hungry.
• 17. You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone.
• 18. You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
• 19. It’s hard to tell if I’m d~ealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a shit.
• 20. I trust a lot of people not to kill me every day.
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• 21. I’m pretty sure my dogs only sit in the window and watch me leave so they know when it is safe to sit on the couch.
• 22. Some people should j~ust give up at engineering or medical. Like I have!
• 23. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.
• 24. Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.
• 25. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
• 26. AwesoME ends with ME a~nd Ugly starts with U.
• 27. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
• 28. God is really creative, I mean...just look at me :P
• 29. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours
• 30. I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy saving mode.
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• 31. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
• 32. God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.
• 33. Whenever i have a p~roblem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.
• 34. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
• 35. Women should not have children after 20. Really… 20 children are enough.
• 36. That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
• 37. If you can't Change a Girl.....Change the Girl.
• 38. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
• 39. I think my iPhone is n~ot working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
• 40. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
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• 41. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• 42. Behind every great man is~ a woman rolling her eyes.
• 43. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.
• 44. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
• 45. life is short…smile while you still have teeth.
• 46. People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.
• 47. I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.
• 48. Car headlights should flash at the same time the horn is pressed to alert people with hearing difficulties.
• 49. 500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
• 50. When two people are arguing and one person says “You know what…” , that argument is about to get awesome!
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• 51. We all know that one dude who’s existence just pisses us off.
• 52. My heart says hamburg~er but my jeans say salad.
• 53. There is no “i” in team…there is however an “i” in ‘win’, ‘achievement’, ‘prevail’, ‘triumph’, ‘first place’, ‘gold medalist’ and ‘champion’.
• 54. You don’t kill time, times kills you.
• 55. Asking if I’m hungry is like asking if I want money. The answer is always YES.
• 56. Life is short. Buy the ~damn shoes.
• 57. You live with what you tolerate.
• 58. True friends are those who have nice things to say about you behind your back.
• 59. Just because I find you att~ractive doesn’t mean I like you. You’re appealing to my eyes, not my heart or mind. It is not that deep.
• 60. I’m actually the meanest person when I’m stressed. I would literally yell shut up to anything that is making noise.
• 61. “F#%K It.” – my final thought before making most decisions.
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• 62. Hang on, let me overthink this.
• 63. I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
• 64. 7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
• 65. There’s no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think.
• 66. Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems. Look for someone who won’t let you face them alone.
• 67. If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
• 68. My boyfriend asked me for anal so I colour coordinated his sock drawer. I know what men want.
• 69. Some days you can’t play the music loud enough.
• 70. My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
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• 71. Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.
• 72. Behind every crazy women is a man who made her that way.
• 73. Beautiful people are not always good, but good people are always beautiful.
• 74. Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.
• 75. Never go to bed angry~. Stay awake and plot revenge.
• 76. Just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
• 77. I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.
• 78. My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
• 79. Never make eye co~ntact while eating a banana.
• 80. I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
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• 81. Facebook is the refrigerator of the internet. I keep going back to it expecting something to appear that I’ll enjoy.
• 82. Don’t jump to confusions.
• 83. When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
• 84. “I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional
• 85. I’m having trouble telling if it’s killing me or making me stronger.
• 86. Be f#%king polite. Please.
• 87. Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an ass.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very~ same thing.
• 88. Stop looking for trouble. I’m right here.
• 89. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
• 90. Sure, your prince might come. But just in case he doesn’t, God created wine.
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• 91. Few things turn me on like good grammar.
• 92. No one is ever “just kidding”.
• 93. Aaaaand I’m already over this day.
• 94. Never let anyone tell you you’re too young to do something. A baby shark is still a f#%king shark.
• 95. I like my coffee like I like my oxygen – CONSTANT.
• 96. You’re ridiculous. Want to be best friends?
• 97. I’m happy as long as I’m not hungry.
• 98. I feel bad for th~e people who change their birthday for April Fools Day and then their mom wishes them Happy Birthday :)
• 99. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.