Real Estate Ad Translated

1. Enormous potential: Enormous amount of work to do.
2. Low maintenance lot – No yard; the kids will have to play in the street
3. Close to school: close to vandals.
4. Outstanding: Sticks out like a sore thumb.
5. One-Of-A-Kind: Ugly as sin.
6. Above ground pool: Piece of leaky plastic filled with water.
7. Unique City Home: Used to be a warehouse.


8. Mint: Someone spilled mouthwash on carpet.
9. 1 car garage – You can drive your car into the garage but there is no room to open the door
10. Picturesque setting: Abandoned cars and waist-high weeds in neighboring lots.
11. Seasonal creek – Muddy ditch across the property
12. Absolute water frontage: Gets flooded out every ten years.
13. Bedroom in basement – Basement has a 1′ by 2′ window.
14. Desirable neighborhood – This little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
15. Wide-open floor plan: Previous owner removed supporting walls.
16. Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint.
17. Motivated sellers – Bank is about to foreclose.
18. Close to public transportation: Beneath railway line.
19. Territorial view – Good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
20. Delightful cottage: Garden is overgrown.
21. Executive style living: Has a spa.
22. Country in the city – A grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I.
23. Prime location: Next to a factory.
24. Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents.
25. Stunning house – The house is not ugly.
26. Leafy aspects: Trees block your view.
27. Investment Opportunity: Needs a lot of money spent to fix it up.
28. Lower-level family room: Ping-pong table over sewer opening.
29. Move-in condition: Front door missing.
30. Short walk to shops: 5 minute walk to shops. Minutes to shops: 10 minute walk to shops. Handy to shops: Nowhere near shops.
31. Usable land – All the trees are gone.
32. Must see inside – the outside is ugly.
33. Old World Charm: Has some woodwork. Needs cleaning.
34. Situated in rapidly progressing area: In the sticks.
35. Contemporary Feeling: Has no woodwork. Needs cleaning.
36. Three season sunroom – A small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate.
37. Tudor – Two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter.
38. Easy walking distance too ____: Two miles from ____.
39. Developers take note: The house is falling down.
40. Near transportation – Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night.
41. Wildlife nearby – Children and pets get ticks and fleas.
42. Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in.
43. Brand new: 1 year old. New: 3 years old. As new: 6 years old. Modern: 10 years old. Solid: 15 yeas old. Cottage: 25 years old. Full of character: 50 years old.
44. Easy to heat – See “cozy”.
45. Nothing to spend: After buying you'll have nothing left to spend.
46. Upper Bracket: If you have to ask...
47. Includes all the things that make a house a home: Has an indoor toilet.
48. Easy freeway access – Noisy arterial street close to freeway
49. Will not last at this price: Will not sell at this price.
50. Light, open spaces: Many holes in walls.
51. Sophisticated City Living: Next to noisy bar.
52. Neighborhood watch – Your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house
53. Close to lakes: Impossible to park on the street from April to October.
54. Updated kitchen: Sink no longer overflows.
55. Partially renovated: Owner gave up on a hopeless case.
56. Security system: Neighbor has dog
57. Handyman's delight: The roof is about to collapse.
58. Doll-house – Tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.
59. Beautifully presented: The lawn has been mowed.
60. Land suitable for a pole home: On a cliff.
61. Cape Cod – Styled after Third World slum dwellings.
62. Brilliant Concept: Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."
63. Tasteful: Carpeted.
64. Sunny corner lot – Noisy intersection of two busy streets
65. Convenient: Located on freeway entrance ramp.
66. Suit young kids: You can allow kids to run wild, nothing worth protecting from damage.
67. Not much mowing: No land.
68. Sophisticated: Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."
69. Close to all amenities – The backyard is a shopping mall parking lot.
70. Potential is immeasurable: Present value is minimal.
71. Retirement special: A good home to die in.
72. Pet friendly neighborhood – Organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn
73. A rare find: Rare to find a house built like this still standing.
74. Magnificent aspects: On a hill.
75. Cozy – Not a single room could fit a full size bed.
76. Loads of character: Bizarre.
77. Charming: Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."
78. Needs TLC - Major structural damage.
79. You'll Love It: No, you won't.
80. Recreation room with wet bar – Basement has been painted and has a faucet.
81. Prestige surrounds: All the other houses in the street are nicer.
82. Executive home: Overpriced.
83. Storybook – The house is old and the roof is not flat
84. Meticulously maintained in the original condition – The appliances are 50 years old
85. Lots of storage space – Basement too small to be called a family room.
86. Inner city living at its best: Close to muggers.
87. Build sweat equity – The house is not inhabitable
88. Generous built-ins: Has cupboards.
89. Country living – Too far from anywhere to drive to work.
90. Old charmer – An old and ugly house.
91. Efficiently designed kitchen – The kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time
92. Sought after location: Frequently broken into.
93. Large family room – Large basement.
94. Just available – Previous owner just died on the premises.
95. Must See To Believe: An absolutely accurate statement.