Parent Job Description New

1. Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
2. Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
3. 
   


4. JOB DESCRIPTION : 
5. Long term, team players needed, for challenging 
6. permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
7. 
   
8. Candidates must possess excellent communication 
9. and organizational skills and be willing to work 
10. variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 
11. and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
12. 
    
13. Some overnight travel required, including trips to 
14. primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless
15. sports tournaments in far away cities!
16. 
    
17. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
18. 
    
19. Extensive courier duties also required.
20. 
    
21. RESPONSIBILITIES :
22. 
    
23. 
    
24. The rest of your life.
25. 
    
26. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 
27. until someone needs $5.
28. 
    
29. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
30. 
    
31. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a 
32. pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in
33. three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from 
34. the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
35. 
    
36. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 
37. such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets 
38. and stuck zippers.
39. 
    
40. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 
41. coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
42. 
    
43. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings 
44. for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
45. 
    
46. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, 
47. an embarrassment the next.
48. 
    
49. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 
50. half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
51. 
    
52. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
53. 
    
54. Must assume final, complete accountability for 
55. the quality of the end product.
56. 
    
57. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 
58. janitorial work throughout the facility.
59. 
    
60. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
61. 
    
62. 
    
63. None. 
64. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, 
65. so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
66. 
    
67. PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
68. 
    
69. None required unfortunately.
70. 
    
71. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
72. 
    
73. WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
74. 
    
75. Get this!   You pay them! 
76. Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
77. 
    
78. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 
79. of the assumption that college will help them 
80. become financially independent.
81. 
    
82. When you die, you give them whatever is left.
83. 
    
84. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 
85. you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
86. 
    
87. BENEFITS :
88. 
    
89. While no health or dental insurance, no pension, 
90. no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 
91. no stock options are offered
92. , this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, 
93. and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
94. 
    
95. 
    
96. Forward this on to all the parents you know in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 
97. letting them know they are appreciated
98. for the fabulous job they do...
99. or forward with love
100. to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
101.  
102.  
103.      ** AND A FOOTNOTE   "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT"  --  EVER!