Girlfriend:Its 2 tight
Boyfriend:Dont worry,Ill put it slowly,
Girlfriend:Push it in,
Boyfriend:Ah..I cant,
Girlfriend:Its painful,
Boyfriend:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What? is a difference between
a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?
A kiss is so dear,?
A car is too dear and
A monkey is U dear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji & his wife going to city in auto.
Driver adjusted miror.
Sardarji shouted you are seeing my wife.
Go & sit back. I will drive auto...:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
You should know what you are,
And once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: I havnt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didnt u exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody
2 exchange in the lower birth..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nobody teaches
Volcanoes to erupt,
Tsunamis to devastate,
Hurricanes to sway around
&
no one teaches
How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Examiner:y r u under tension?
Did u forget admit card,ID,or calculator?
studnt:No Sir!
By mistake i have brought tomorrow
exam's pharray (Cheating material) today:
You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having 1 child makes you a parent
but having 2 makes you a refree.
Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right
and the other is always husband.
You can't buy love
but you pay heavily for it.
Wife and husband always compromise,
husband admits that he's wrong and wife too agrees with him.
Our language is called the mother tongue
because the father never gets a chance to Speak.!:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl Fell Down from 80th floor,
A boy caught her on 65th floor and asked her...
will u hug me...?
She replied.., offcourse not...
he dropped her.
...........
she was caught on 30th floor by another boy....
He asked her, will u kiss me..?
no not at all, she replied
he dropped her too..
she prayed for last chance when a boy hold her on 5th floor.
she immediately said...
ok i will hug u and kiss u..
The boy dropped her and saying.
Astagfirullah !!
mera roza hai :P [ I am fasting ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: Marry Me..?
Girl: Do You Have A House...?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do You Have A Bmw Car...?
Boy: No..
Girl: How Much Is Your Salary..?
Boy: No Salary, But...
Girl: No But.You Have Nothing.
How Can I Marry You? Leave Please!!
Boy: (talking To Himself) I Have One Villa, 3 Property
Lands, 3 Ferrari ' S, And 3 Porsche's. Why Would I Need
To Have A Bmw ? How Could I Get A Salary When
I'm The Boss!
& The Girl Lost Her Chance =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Devils went to Court to Prove
that he is The Most,
Cruel & wicked Guy on Earth.
But he Failed, He Came Out Angrily & Asked,
Yaar ye ALTAF BHAI kon hai?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Style of break up:
Boy bought gift for His Girl friend-
GF:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket?
Boy: U wanted stars na?
Now sit on it and GET LOST:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Call A Girl Pretty
& She Will Remember It For
5 Minutes..!
Call A Girl Ugly
& She Will Remember It
Forever..!"
Marriage is like a public toilet
Those waiting outside are desperate to get in
&
Those inside are desperate to come out..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aftr engagemnt!
Girl:
Now stop looking at girls,u r commited now!
Boy:
Oho what do u mean,
if i m on diet,
that doesnt mean that i cant look at MENU .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
boy: how do i play the guitar??
girl: u should be on TV for ur talent
boy: am i so good??? :D :O
girl: if u were on TV,, i can atleast switch it off
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between
Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message
&
Donkey deletes this message.
Choice is urs........:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar darvaze pe GUN liye khara tha
Wife: y r u standing here?
Sardar: Sher k shikar pe ja raha hon
Wife: To jao na..!
Sardar: Kase jaon baher KUTTA khara hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
"U r my Best Wife?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WANTED SINGLE GIRL,
Able To Cook,
Love And Have Job,
Must Have
HOUSE & CAR.
Plz Send Picture 0f
HOUSE & CAR ... =P =D
A Question Asked In A Talent Test
If U R Married To One Of The Twin Sisters,
How Would You Recognize Your Wife?
The Answer Came:
"Why Should I ? :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
ik benam si mohabbat mere nam ker do,
ik subha ko milo aur shaam ker do,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kaam ker do:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
Ik benam si mohabbat mere naam kerdo,
Ik subha ko milo aur shaam kerdo,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kam kerdo,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Of The Best Quote,
Always have a
BACKUP
BEFORE
BREAKUP! :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.
1st Guy To Second-What Will We Do Now?
2nd Guy-U Marry My Sis,
I Will Marry Ur Sis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Belated Teachers' Day
Its A Humble Request
"80% Of Teachers r
Suffering From Throat
Pain By Teaching Students."
So Plz
.
.
.
.
BUNK d Classes As Much
As Possible
n
Save Our Teachers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catch her by her waist...
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a ...
...nice drink...PEPSI
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four guys
1 from Harward:
1 Oxford
1 Texas
&
a Sardar from Pujab university
1 common question:
What is the fastest thing in world?
Oxford:Light
Harvard:Thought
Texas:Blink of an eye
Sardar:Its loose motions,
because last night I was lying in my bed
& before I could blink,think or turn on the lights,
it was over!
A recently fired
stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce...
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Love b4 Marriage*
Janu...tum nahe to mei nahe,
mei nahe to tum nahe...
*Love after Marriage*
"baghairta"...Aj tu nahe ya me nahe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SILENCE
Is d best Answer
for all questions
SMILE
Is d best Reaction
in all situations
Unfortunately
BOTH Never Help In
any EXAM, VIVA, REVIEW & INTERVIEW :P:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Night If Mosquito Bites,
What Should We Do.?
?
Just Scratch N Sleep Again
We R Not Rajnikant
2 Make The Mosquito Say Sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q- a parrots sits on an elephant and the elephant died!!
Prove how is this possible
.
.
.
Physics student:
assume that elephants name is parrot
&
parrots name is elephant:d:p:)
physics can prove anything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teri yaad dil se jane nahi denge,
Tere jesa dost khone bhi nahi denge,
Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo warna,
Ek kaan k niche denge or rone bhi nahie denge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Log ishq kartay hain baray shor kay sath,
Humne bhi kia bare zor kay sath,
Lakin ab karain gay thoray ghor kay sath,
Kyunke kal usay dekha kisi aur kay sath.
Sardar selected a short girl to marry.
Why?
Because guru ji told him
Musibat jitni choti ho utna acha hai .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taste this SMS
Did u feel da taste of ginger?
No?
Sure?
Well.....
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Impact of Movies:
Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student:- He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newtons Universal Law Of Love:
Every boy on earth is attracted towards a girl
with a force directly proportional to the figure of the girl
and
Inversely proportional to strength of her brother..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a Party A Handsome guy askd a gal,"r u going 2 dance?"
She felt so happy & said-"yes"
& d guy said-"dats gud,so can i hav ur chair?" :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: I Love You..?
Girl: Hahahahaha
Boy: I Won't Live Without You..?
Girl: Hahahahahahaha
...
Boy: I Will Die For You..?
Girl: Hahahahahahahaha
Boy: I Will Gift You A Gold Ring With Diamond..?
Girl: Awwwww.. Promise ?
.
.
.
Boy: Hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U are a BITCH
Beautiful
Intelligent
Talented
Cute
Hilarious
r u smiling now?
?
?
?
*YOU ARE REALLY BITCH
A person who surrenders when he's WRONG,
is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND.!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yash Johar is producing a new film
& is searching 4 new talent.
I've suggested ur name.
Pls go & meet him.
The movie's name is "AQAL HO NA HO"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kion har bar mosam ki tarah badal jate ho,
Har bar hamara dil dukhatay ho,
Yeh bat sun ker hamari roh tak kanp gaye,
Ae dost tum masjidon se chapal or lote churate ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy friend is fun,
&
Husband is gun,
Boy friend is light of moon,
&
Husband is month of june,
Boy friend is tooty fruity,
&
Husband is qismat phooti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Best Reply Ever By a girl
.
.
Karlo :p
Just do it :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Air & students hv d same mentality
How?
?
?
?
?
Both r turning d book's pages without reading.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did You Know . . .?
That
"HEELS" Are Man's Invention
To Make It Harder For A
Woman To Run Away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Perfectly Legal To
Kill Someone In Your
Dreams,
That's Why
I Wake Up With A Smile Everyday
Good Morning :-)I Made No Resolutions For The New Year.
The Habit of Making Plans,
Criticizing, Sanctioning
And Molding My Life
Is Too Much of
A Daily Event For Me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of Good Luck ...!
Teacher: Hey! Stand up.
Tell me two pronouns.
.
.
.
Student: Who? Me?
Teacher: Very Good, Sit down :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor
when they begin forgetting little things.
Their doctor tells them that many people
find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says,
"Dear, will you please go to the kitchen
and get me a dish of ice cream?
And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband,
"I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some
strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad,
" says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream
with strawberries and whipped cream.
I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen;
his wife hears pots and pans banging around.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen
and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks,
"Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rose
Lotus
Tulip
Orchid
Sunflower
Jasmin
Lilly
All flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,
Kyun K
Gobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Fill Up The Blanks :-
Your Name____
Percentage In SSC___
Gender_____
.
.
Now Read 'Only' The Answers..! :D :D ;) :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kehdo un parhne walon se,
Kabhi hum bhi parha kertay thay,
Jitna syllabus parh k wo top kertay hain,
Utna to hum choice per chor dia kertay thay,
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?
Sardar:Your honour,
it's easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bubbli got caugt on date
on Independance day
.
Major Rohail-
What is this?
.
Bubbli-
Dad today is freedom day,
so let me do what I want
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey friend remember that
without stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Specially dedicated to boys:
A kiss is like a stamp,
Once u stamp a gal,
she wouldn't go anywhere else
Guys r like stamp paper,
jitne bhi lagao kum hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Boy Was Going With His Girl Friend
Friend Asked : Who Is She?
Boy : My Cousin.
The Frend Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin.! :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing a Cockroach on ur bed
is nothing actually....!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Real Problem Starts When It Disappears...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar said to doctor:Pore jism main
kahin bhi ungli lagao to bohat dard hota hai,
Doctor suggested full body Xray
when he checked, Xray found fracture in "Ungli"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before marriage:
Roses are red, sky is blue,
O my darling! I love you...
After Marriage:
Roses are dead,
I have flu,
don't come near me,
Paray hatt tuu,
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 4.O bunty k pappa
Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any man who can drive safely
while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss
the attention it deserves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 5th standard kid wrote in his maths answr sheet:
Dear Math,
Im sick & tired of finding ur x
Jst accpt d fact dat she's gone!
Move On dude!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When u feel sad....
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
"damn I am really so cute"
u will overcome your sadness.
But don't make this a habit.....
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
koi chez be-wafai se barh ker kia hogi,
Ghum-e-tanhai judai se barh ker kia hogi,
Kisi ko deni ho jawani main saza,
to wo saza PARHAI se barh ker kia hogi:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman is like blue tooth ,
U r next 2 her,
she stays connected,
u go away,
she finds new device
Man is like wi-fi,
many devices can connect 2him at a time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
"what's on the TV?"
and ..... I said, "dust!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only true friends stand by u
during bad times.
I promise
I will attend ur wedding
Baharo phool barsao mera "DOST"aya hai.
Hoto pe muskan, gali me mehak laya hai.
Barso tak thi jise pani se "ELERGY"
Woh aaj "LUX" se nahaya hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil main he mere Dard-e-bhutto
"Dard-e-bhutto"
"Dard-e-bhutto"
Wo hasina wo nilam pari,,
hui thi wo election main khari,,
na jane kahan se goli chal pari,,
hamare lia ho gayi mushkil khari,,
Dil main hay mere
""Dard-e-Bhutto""
""Dard-e-Bhutto""
ha koi muqabla karne wala
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends Are like Priya Gold Biscuit Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newspaper Mein News Lugi K
"50% Of Sardars Are Donkeys"
The Sardars Protested.
Next Day News Lagi K
"50% Of Sardars R Not Donkeys"
The Sardars Celebrated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardars Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Dont Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate Bachelor Again.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is Married Again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a Guy does Something Wrong!
Girl : You broke my Favorite Lamp!
Boy : It was an Accident... I didn't mean to..!
Girl : I can't believe you did this.
Boy : I'm Sorry.
When a Girl does Something Wrong!
Boy : You Lost My Dog??!!!
Girl : It was an Accident. I didn't mean to!
Boy : I can't believe you did this.
Girl : I already feel bad about it..!! Stop making me feel Worse..!!
Boy : I'm Sorry..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Position of husband is like a split A.C.
No matter how loud he is outside,
but inside the house,
he is designed to remain
silent, cool & controlled by remote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
if sumone calls u crazy,dont mind,
if sumone calls u duffer,relax,
if sumone calls u stupid be cool,
but if sumone calls u "cute"
.
.
.
.
lagana thappar os pagal ke monh pe,
mazak ki b koi hud hoti hai
New Economic Analysis:
Its better to have a Long distance Relationship:
Because, S.T.D. rates are much Lower than Fuel Rates.... :-P ;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Funny fact always happen wid me:
Study for one Hour-
No One sees.!
.
.
But pick up mobile just 4 a second,
& Mom/Dad enters d room! ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey U Know
Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1
U Know Why??
If she accept its your luck
otherwise just tell April Foooooll.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
Mind u - it's really very very urgent,
damn serious and very imp ....
I'm playing cards and
we've misplaced the JOKER.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man at medical store:I need poison
Chemist: I can't sell you that
Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn't knew u had a prescription.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whos hot... Its U,
Whos
Charming... Its U,
Whos
Sweetest.. Its U,
Whos
Intelligent... Its U,
Whos dear & near friend... Its U
Whos a liar.. Its me
Ultimate insult..
I Iove your smile becoz..
.
.
.
.
.
.
My favorite colour is "YELLOW"!! :D'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wanna make money through Facebook...
Go to:
Account->
account settings->
and click on
De-activate your Account
than
Start Working...!! Lolz :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love Happens Automatically.
.
.
.
Manual Working Of It
Is Called Flirting :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
"I thought It was MONEY"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love is possible after friendship
but
friendship is not possible after love
because
medicines work before death
later nothing can be cured...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ??
Wife remains silent
Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ??
Wife : Abbe gin ne to De
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a practical Exam
Examiner showed legs of bird n said:Tell the bird's name
Sardar:I dont know
Exminer: U r failed.Wats ur name?
Sardar: You see my legs, and tell me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"
DAD:dear son,why yor sister sitting so silent
SON:Nothing dad sister asked
lipstik, but i gave fevistik.
No chip chip
no chik chik
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab barish hoti hai, Tum yaad aate ho.
Jab kali ghata chaye, Tum yaad ate ho,
Jab bheegte hain tum yaad aate ho,
Bataoo Meri umbrella Kab wapis kro ge!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...
still he was in jail.......why?
coz all the 6 were fire brigade staff !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,"Koun Thi Wo?"
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, Yes dear, I know
but I was in love and didnt notice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa-What Is Difference
Between COFFEE Shop & WINE
Shop?
Banta-COFFEE Shop Is The
Starting Point Of LOVE & WINE
Shop Is Last Point Of LOVE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give me some SunShine..!!!
Give me some Rain..!!
Give me another Girlfriend..!!
I am Single once again..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There have been many time in 2017
when I may disturbed you
troubled u
irritated u
bugged u
.
.
.
.
today I just wanna tell you
.
.
.
.
I plan to continue it in 2017.
Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always think about U.
I cant live without U.
I really need U.
Im totally mad about U.
I just wanna be with U.
Im crazy 4 U.
I wanna marry U.
I LOVE U.
Aisa mujhe bajuwali kehti hai\
(My neighbour say all this to me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good teacher according to students is 1 who :
-Should Be Absent At Least 3 Times A Week
-Should Come In Class 10mins Late And Left The Class 10 Mins Earlier
-Should Not Give Any Homework And Assignments
-Should Not Ask Any Questions To Students
-Should Not Disturb The Students By Teaching While They Are Talking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cute love story with happy ending:
One day somebody proposed u!
U said: "i am Not interested."
This way, somebody lived a happy life .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the perfect example
of both Good & Bad Luck?
The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)
but at the same time
Dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to settle abroad?
For Boys:
Study hard
Get good grades
Appear in ielts n toefl
Apply for student visa
Wait for the call
Appear in the interview
Get admission in a university
Get good grades
Search for a job
Work hard, earn well to settle
For Girls:
Marry this guy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pay My Regards To Ur Father
Who Is Tolerating Such A Dumb Duffer Child,
What A Stamina He Has Got..
I Salute Ur Father:p
Happy Father's day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Simple fact:
Boys Can Never B
Satisfied With
3 Things In Life:
-Mobile
-Bike
-Girlfriend
Because;
There Is Always
A Better Model
Available In Future ;)
I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can't send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I'm sending you just 1 joke
.
.
.
"You are so beautiful"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Define a True Music Lover?
A Girl singing in a Bathroom
While Taking Bath
and a Boy Near the Keyhole
is Using His Ears Not His Eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class
Think +ve:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hum ho gaye tumhare tumhe sochne k bad,
Ab na daikhen gay kisi ko tumhe daikhne k bad,
Dunya chor dain gai tumhai chorne k bad,
KHUDA! Maaf kare itne jhut bolne k bad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in
the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****.
Sant: U r wrong. It's 1394.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God thought that since
he couldn't b everywhere
he made a mother.
Then devil thought that
he couldn't be everywhere
he made a mother-in-law.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One million copies of a new book sold
In just 2 days due to typing error of 1 alphabet in title.
"An idea,that can change ur wife''
While real word was(life).
I Cried When I Failed
In 2 Subjects,
.
.
.
.
.
.
But
.
.
.
.
.
.
I laughed When I Came To
Know My Friend Failed In 5
Subjects... ;-) :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
"can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake...:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful flowers die....
Nice stories end......
Lovely songs fade........ ..
Momeries are forgotten... ..
All things comes to end.....
But people like YOU always remain forever
.
.
BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Poetry Competition asked For A 2-Line
Rhyme With d Most Romantic 1st Line &
the Least Romantic 2nd Line
There's d Winning Rhymes
My darling, My Love,My Beautiful Wife
Marrying U Ruined,My Whole Life
I c Ur Face When I m Dreaming
That's Why I Always Wake Up Screaming
Kind Intelligent, Loving & Hot
This Describes Everything You r Not
I Love Ur Smile, Ur Face & Ur Eyes
Damn, I'm V Good At Telling Lies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE:-
C-Come,
O-On,
L-Lets,
L-Love,
E-Each,
G-Girl,
E-Equally......
Thats why boys go to college
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smile to old means Respect
Smile to child mean Innocence
Smile to friend means Care
Smile in front of mobile, a mental case!
Still smiling? ;-)
Pagal ey oy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As per research
A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000
Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : U failure !
At ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir,
but at ur age hitler commited suicide
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
"He's not my friend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
twinkle Twinkle little star,
teri girl friend gaye bazar,
us ko mil gaya MAJNO ka pyar,
ab tu beth ker makhiyan maaar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I'm in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man found his wife having affair with a guy.
He decided 2 kill himself & his wife.
Apne kaan pe pistol lagai aur bola-
tu khush mat ho agla number tera hai!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question by a student !!
If a single teacher can't
teach us all the subjects,
Then...
How could you expect a single student
to learn all subjects ?
Cricket is getting excited day by day with the introduction of ICL n T20...
Same rules should be applied in Examz!
(1) Exams Timing Should Be Reduced To One Hour.
(2) Power Play - No Invigilator In Exam Hall For 1st 15 mins.
(3) Cheer Leaders - To Dance After Every Right Answer Written.
(4) Strategic Time-Out - Time For Students For Discussion.
(5) Super Over - Chance For Students To Form Their Own Question. :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband & Wife Were
Arguing Over Some Issue.
After Much Of Discussion,
Wife Finally Said:
"Tell Me Dear ,
Do You Want To Win
OR
Do You Want To Be Happy . . ?
Argument Ended
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The latest slogn of boys:
Pakistan is our nation
Girls are our Destination
Dating is Our Occupation
Flirting is our Profession
Leave about Education
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl:Its 2 tight
Boy:Dont worry,Ill do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I cant,
Gal:Its painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
American:-Dogs can find Bombs in my country.
Japanese:-Fish can play Ball in my country.
Pakistani:-Thats not a matter,Monkey can read SMS in my country...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says:Ab bolne se kiya fayidah?
"Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na":D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please
Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 time
GIRLZ OF 1995*
"AGAR TUM MIL JAO ZAMANA CHOIR DENGE HUM"
GIRLZ OF 2007*
AGAR TUM MIL JAO PURANA CHOR DENGE HUM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don't worry, I have a one more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband said to his wife One day
"I don't know how you can be so stupid
&
so beautiful all at the same time"
The wife responded ,
"Allow me to explain,
God made me beautiful
so you would be attracted to me ;
God made me stupid
so I would be attracted to you !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message &
Donkey deletes this message.
Choice is yours
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roses r lal
skies r nila,
ur brain is like khali patila.
Bura man liya?
O.K
Roses r red
skies r blue,
I born smart
what d hell hapened to u.
Thora sa or bura manlo :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Open with Love...
If I disturb U
I am Sorry!
But I need
To Say
I...
Love...
Disturbing you...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once A Girl Askd Her Bf :
Why We Have Units To Measure
Weight, Height & Distance
But
Not Love, Friendship & Trust?
.
Boy Thought For A While
.
.
.
Took Her In His Arms,
Looked Deep In Her Eyes & Said
Look, DON'T Eat My Brain!
I Have Already Failed In Physics :p:D
Q: What did the gangster's son
tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but I never told them anything."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.
But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.
Think different.
Add wife, have life :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomorrow is my exam
But I don't care
Because a single sheet of paper
can't decide my future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wats d height of hope??
It is: sittin in d exam hall,
holdin d question paper in hand
n tellin ur self
"dude,dnt worry.
Exams wil get postponed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don't have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1st Man: Which Is The Best Month
To Get Married..?
2nd Man: Octemb ruary
1st Man: Don't Be Silly,
There Is No Such Month
2nd Man: Exactly
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love everybody.
Some I love to be around,
Some I love to avoid,
and
others I would love to punch in the face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Promise me we are true friends
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey
Friends r like fishes.
U have to sit patiently for a long time
to catch a good one.
Just like I caught u.
so better stay nice otherwise
I will FRY YOU..;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Youing Couple Were
Having Their First Fight
And It Was A Big One
After A While,
The Husband Said:
"When We Got Married,
You Promised To Love,
Honor n Obey"
His Bride Replied:
"I Know But I Didn't
Want To Start An
Argument In Front Of
All Those People At d
Wedding"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Oxymoron's:
(An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together)
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
&
the Mother of all
11) Happily Married
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Angry Wife To
Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ... ?"
Husband:
Darling You Remember That
Jewelery Shop Where You Saw
The Diamond Necklace n Totally
Fell In Love With It n I Didn't
Have Money That Time n I said
"Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... " O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing:
Yeah I Remember That My Love !
Husband:
I m In The Pub Just Next To That Shop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhain banaya hoga,
ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...
pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..
phir ussay zoo ka khayal aaya hoga...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it's your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A ThermoMeter is n0t the 0nly thing
that gets a "DEGREE" without having a "BRAIN"...! :p
A silent msg f0r all studnts;-)
An Intelligent Wife Is One
Who Makes Sure She Spends
So Much
That
Her Husband
Can't Afford Another
Women" :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
dont discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people ask the secret
of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant
two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music
and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question: "How to kill an ant?"
Asked in an exam for 10 marks!
Student:
Mix chilli powder with sugar,
&
Keep it outside the ant's hole
After eating,
ant will search for some water near a water tank.
Push ant in to it!
Now ant will go to dry itself near fire,
When it reaches fire, put a bomb into d fire!
Then admit wounded ant in icu!
And then
remove oxygen mask from it's mouth and kill the ant :-|
Moral:
Don't play with students!
They can do any thing for 10 marks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u know similarity
between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
?
?
?
?
Both don't exist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a school function
A K.G boy started closing his ears with
both hands,
when girl was about to start her speech
Others asked him Why r you closing your ears?
He replied: Dude, She is my Girlfriend n She is
gonna start her speech with
.
.
.
.
.
.
My Dear Brothers n Sisters :-)
Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad,
just a radio with a sports car around it.
Why student fails ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHY STUDENT FAIL
Sundays-52 in a year,Days left 313
Summer holidays 50,Days left 263
8 hrs daily sleep-130 days GONe, Days left 141
1 hr daily playing means 15 days,Days left 126
2 hrs daily for eating means 30 days.Days left 96,
1 hr talking means 15 days.,Days left 81
Exams days 35 days,Days left 46
Eid & Gov holidays 20, Days left 26
Movies,TV at least 25 days,Days left 1
That 1 day is your BIRTHDAY.
Hun banda SALGIRHA waly din bhi parhy?
Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane.
You drop one outside. How many are left?
Applicant: That's easy, 499
Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.
Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.
Interviewer: It's lion's birthday,
all the animals are there except one, why?
Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.
Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Applicant: She just crosses it
because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.
Interviewer: Last question.
In the end the old lady still died, Why?
Applicant: Err....I guess she drowned?
Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why love marriage
is better than arranged???
Because
"A KNOWN DEVIL
IS BETTER THAN
AN UNKNOWN GHOST"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question:
Why most of the engineering students
Can't clear all subjects in 1st attempt..?
?
?
?
Answer:
Smooth roads never make good drivers,
Clear sky never makes good pilots
&
Clearing all subjects in the 1st attempt,
Never makes good engineers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After massive demand from all husbands...
A new app called,"Fear" is launched in IPHONE 7
You just say ,"Wife"
and it immediately closes all websites,
hides all chats,
shuts down all games,
hide all special folders
and
deletes chat history!
and best above all,
it puts your wife's photograph as a wallpaper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One boy went to meet his girlfriend
when he came back at home
mom asked
kahaan gaey they ?
boy:us se milney
mom: kis liye?
boy: haan bohat kiss liye:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil ka dard dil torrne waley kiya jaaney,
Pyar ke rivajon ko zamana kiya jaaney,
Hoti hai kitni takleef larrki ko pataney main,
Ye ghar pe baitha larki ka baap kiya jaaney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diff B/W Ignorance & selfcontrol?
When u c mirror & u don't laugh at yourself,
that is ignorance!
&
When i look at u & i don't laugh,
thats called self control:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy askd girl: y do u love a rose,
Which dies in a day. But
Don't love me,
Who dies 4 u everyday??
Girl replied:
.
Oye hoye...
What a dialogue
2 MEN TALKING
1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?
Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman Buys A New Sim
Card Puts It In Her Phone
And Decides To Surprise Her
Husband Who Is Seated On
The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen,
Calls Her Husband With
The New Number:
"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds
In A Low Tone:
"Let Me Call U Back
Later Honey, The Dumb
Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of confidence
Once many professors were called and asked to sit in an airplane.
After they sat. They were informed that the plane is made by their students.
All of them ran and got out of plane exdcept one.
People asked him the reason
He said,"If it's made by my students it will not even start."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question : Why do girls close
their eyes while kissing a guy?
Guess
Guess
.
.
.
Answer : Yeh ladkiyan ladkon
ko kabhi khush nahi dekh sakti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True bravery is to arrive home ...
fully drunk..
a late night out..
and mom waiting with a jharu
in hand and you ask
"hey mom, abhi tak jaag rahi ho."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just feel u....
Whenever I feel u....
I just miss u .....
Whenever i miss u ....
I just wanna See u ....
Do u know why.......
It's juts because ............
******I LOVE CARTOONS*******
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Kashif, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Kashif: I is ......
TEACHER: No, Kashif. Always say, "I am."
Kashif: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
.
.
.
chand to tum ho hi,
sitaray bhi saath hote!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came n asked- what happen son?
Kid said-I cant adjust with your wife anymore,
I want my own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
"We want 2 disturb some good person."
I suggest them your name.
They said,
"We cannot disturb our boss."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
To aaj ke lunch ka bill tu bhar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In an African Safari,A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE-Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA-Yes Yes.I'm changing d battery of my camera..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know
how it feels to love
someone who doesnt
love you ?
.
.
.
.
.
Its like
waiting for a boat at the airport
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans:
Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
&
Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hum chat par charhe patang urane ke bahane,
Wo bhi chat par aayi kapde sukhane ke bahane,
Uske mummy ne jo dekha ye haseen nazara,
Jhadu le aayi wo bandar bhagane ke bahane.
Mere dost tanhai me na waqt bitaya karo,
Kabhi kabhi mehfilon me bhi aaya karo,
Kiya hua jo toot gaye hen samney k 4 dant,
Phir bhi moun khol ker muskuraya karo..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Apna samjho ya baigana,
Hamara aapka rishta he purana,
Is liye farz tha aap ko batana,
kay garmiyan aa gayi hain,
Ab shuru ker do roz nahana!
jao nahao (,?. *,?.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
"Hi,wat ru doin?"
His honest reply,"MISSING U"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than
his wife can spend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful marriage is based
On give & take:
Where husband gives money,
Gifts, dresses n wife takes it
&
Where wife gives advices, lectures,
Tensions & husband takes it..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
God has given many qualities to you,
Good look, personality, charm, intelligence,
And many more......this is call as
"Allah meherbaan to gadha bhi pehalwan..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2017 is coming
Wish u a very
Happy new year
Valentine's day
Basant
23rd march
14 august
Eid ul fitr
Eid ul azha
Friendship day
Mother, father
Dadi, dada
Nana, nani
Children's day
Happy b'day
365 good mornings
After noons, evenings'
& nights
Roz roz ka drama nahi
Hota mujh se
Ab pura saal mat kehna
SMS nahi kia
Difference between Husband & gadha.
Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : Correct the sentence,
"A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : "A cow and a bull is grazing in the field"
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Positive thinking is like.....
U r standing on the middle of the road.........
&
suddenly a crow beats on your head....
But you remain calm...
and thanks to God...
that cows dont fly:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Positive-thinking poem:
Little bird in the sky
Droping shit into ur eye
U don't worry u don't cry,
U just thank God that,
Cows do not fly
Always b positive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U r a nice person...
but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning...
1st. pray to God so that u can live....
2nd.take a bath so that others can live....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Hear about the terrorist
that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one
every hour if his demands weren't met.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.
Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin ker sakta:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to the Police Station wishing
to speak with the burglar who had
broken into his house the night before.
Youll get your chance in court, said the Police officer.
No, no no! said the man.
I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. Ive been trying for years.
4 Stages of marriage:
Mad for each other.
Made for each other.
Mad at each other.
Mad bcoz of each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples
Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are on of them...)
Never be Prouf of Your Choices...
(Your Wife is one of them...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two type of studies:
1 - hard subjects which Cannot be studied.
2 - easy subject that Doesn't need to be studied
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked "what you did till evening?"
Sardar :"Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patient : What are the chances
of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent.
Medical records show that
nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before Marriage:-
He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait
she:do you want me 2 leave?
He: No! don't even think about it
She: do you love me ?
He:ofcourse! over n over!
She:have u ever cheated on me?
He:No!y r u even asking?
She:will u go on wid me on picnic?
He:every chance I get!
She:will u hit me ?
He:R u crazy?I'm not that kind of person!
She:can I trust u?
He:yes..
She: Darling!
After marriage...
Now simply read from bottom to top
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having "WIFE" Is A
Part Of Living...
But
Having "GIRLFRIEND"
Along With The "WIFE" Is
Art Of Living
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of coolness:
2 Guys coming out of the examination Hall with chips and coke in hands....
1st guy:which paper was it?
2nd guy:I think maths......
1st guy:(surprisingly) you read the question paper?
2nd guy: no I see a girl sitting besides me using calculator:
Little johnny: Mam,will you punish me
for something that I didn't do ?
Teacher : Not at all.
Little johnny : That's good.
Actually i didn't do my homework!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words Written Above A Classroom Clock
This Clock Will Never Be Stolen,
Coz Too Many Students Are Watching It..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....
until you fall in love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to hell and asked
the Yamraj if he can call his wife.
yamraj said "u can do that"
after man spoke to his wife..
he asked how much to pay yamraj
yamraj said.."hell to hell is free"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breaking News
ATM @ Gulshan-e-Iqbal Is Jammed &
Not In Working Condition
.
.
.
Because
.
.
.
Sardar's Wife Put Hair pin In Machine
When It Said", Enter Ur PIN" ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Good Teacher Is Who
Tells To Study Hard...
But,,
A Best Teacher Is Who
Stands Outside D
Examination Hall N Shouts. . .
"OYE CHECKING WALE AA GAYE
APNI APNI PARCHIY CHUPA LO..." =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband is someone who,
after taking the trash out,
gives the impression
he just cleaned the whole house.
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference b/w shit & Oohh shit:
.
A boy Threw a love letter to a girl
.
but it fell on her brother..
Shittt!
.
And Her brother was GAY..
Oohh ShIt
:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOVE YOUR HUSBAND
When he orders you to make tea or coffee.
He wants to feel fresh to listen to your nostop talks.
Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females.
He is just checking that you are still the best.
Love him if he criticize your cooking.
He is still improving his taste.
Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep.
He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you.
Love him if forgets to give you a gift on your birthday.
He is saving money for future.
Love him Because...
You don't have a Choice...
and killing is a legal offense
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Small Boy Took A Knife
And Wrote His Girlfriends Name 0n His Hand..
After A Minute He Started Crying Loudly..
Why ???
.
.
.
Paining ???
.
.
.
No !!
.
.
.
Then ???
.
.
.
Spelling Mistake !!! :O
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Truth-
No one is as ugly as their driving license/ identity card picture,
nor as good-looking as their facebook profile pic..! :D ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attention plz...!
Don't drink
.
Fish live in water without pampers..
Seriously..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl : I'm warning you
My Mummy is coming back in half an hour..
Boy : But I'm not doing anything..
Girl : That's why I'm warning you..
Hurry up ! :D :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife : I saw in my dream
that u were buying a diamond ring 4 me
.
.
.
Husband : i saw your dad paying da bill
Sardarji was asked,
what is a adult joke?
Reply came
any joke which is eighteen years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choosing Career Is Like
Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls.
Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful,
Intelligent, Kindest Woman,
There's Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9 :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy with a sweet girl entered a jewellery shop
&
Choose a ring worth 8 lacs for her.
Gave a cheque & said she will collect ring on Monday after the cheque is cleared.
.
On Monday.
Jeweller called boy:
There's no money in your account.
Boy:
I know,
But, you can't imagine what a weekend I enjoyed:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A New Added element to the Periodic Table.
Element Name:GIRL
Symbol: G
Atomic Weight:dont even dare to ask :-D
Physical Properties..
*boils at anything
*can freeze at anytime
*melts if handled wid love n care
*very bitter if mis handled
Chemical Properties.
*very reactive
*highly unstable
*posses strong affinity for gold n silver
*money reducing agent
*volatile when left alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
I Wonder If 1 Day
Somebody Will Ever Come
N
Knock 0n My Door
N
Tell Me
"Hey , V Have 7 Mutual Friends
In FACEBOOK "
Can I Come In ... =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay.
The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked
"Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..
The story continues....
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing.
He said your husband has blocked your credit card.
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband.
Story continues....
Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse
and uses it to clear all the bills.
Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All say that love is more important than money..
Have u ever tried paying ur bill with a hug..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: How Do You Differentiate
"WIFE" & "MOTHER"
SARDAR:
Before Marriage We Sleep With "MOTHER"
&
After Marriage
We Sleep With Our "WIFE"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Men n Women Don't Understand Each Other?
Bcoz
God Gave Good Brains To Men
n
Good Hearts To Women
But
Men Use Their Hearts
&
Women Use Their Brains
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Sardar: BA
Professor:For sodium?
Sardar: NA
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Sardar: BANANA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: why r u arrested?
Sardar: for shopping early?
Judge: well, that's not a crime,
anyway how early were u shopping?
Sardar: before opening the shop.....:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone Asked Shakespeare:
"U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?"
He Showed Him A Calendar N Said
"A Week Has 7 Days;
Can U Say Which Day Is Younger,
Either Sunday Or Saturday ??
So, Love Comes From Heart Not In Age"
Love Has No Age.
-MORAL:
Senior Girls R Also Available For Boys:P
Do the following !!!
1) go to google translate
2) type in "Who said to sell pepsi for Rs.65?"
3) translate English to Arabic
4) Copy the Arabic version
5) choose translation from Arabic to English
6) and the truth will be unleashed!!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Put ur hand on a Hot Pan,
a second seems an hour,
But put ur hand on a Hot Girl
An hour seems a second
That's Einstein's theory of Relativity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar was busy removing
a wheel from his auto.
A man asks sardar why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher:
What should be in a
book to make it a bestseller?
Tommy:
A girl on the cover
and
no cover on the girl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you Like me as I am??
Or do I haVe to
.
.
.
.
Request GOD to impRove your taste ?? :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police Officer: I arrest people, But, when I go home, I'm under house arrest, by Wife
Professor: I give lectures to students, But, when I go home, I get Lectured hourly, by wife
CEO: I'm the Boss, But, when I go home, I always feel like an employee, by wife
Judge: I give Justice, but when I go home, I Beg for Justice, by wife
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"Hey vaheguru meri lottery lagady."
After 11 years VaheGuru angrily appeared
& said,"Khoti de putar 1 vari ticket te le ley"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rich Man: Today, I have 14 Cars,
18 Bikes, 4 Bungalows, 3 Farm Houses
What do you have?
Poor Man: I have a boy
whos Girl Friend is
.
.
.
.
Your Daughter..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss hangs a poster in Office
"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.
"Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
Husband wife watching an IPL match together:
After 5 minutes:
Wife: Is this Bret Lee?
Husband: No, this is Chris Gayle, Bret Lee is a bowler.
Wife: Okay, oh look, another wicket.
Husband: No, this is just a replay of the last one.
Wife: Hmm, looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It's Bangalore vs Mumbai.
Wife: How many runs they need to win now?
Husband: 72 runs in 36 balls.
Wife: Eh! That's easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball.
Husband: *Turns off the TV*
Wife: Turns it on again and starts watching "Daily serial"
Husband: Who is girl here ?
Wife: Don't disturb me please .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best quote of advertisment
written in front of a famous beauty parlour :
"Don't whistle at the girl going out from here,
She might b ur grand mother..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him,
"Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
Sardar : "Ya sure, from landline or mobile".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight.
.
.
.
Dad asked: "how did u feel?"
.
.
.
It replied: "Dad it was wonderful. evry1 ws clappin 4 me"
Moral: Take evrything positively
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
OF THEM..:-P
Man outside phone booth: Excuse me !!
You are holding the phone since 20 mins.
&
haven't spoken a word..!!!
Man inside: I'm talking to my wife
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Interesting Confusions"
1. Can u cry under water?
2. Do fish ever get thirsty?
3. Why don't birds fall out of trees when they sleep?
4. What do u call a male lady bird?
5. Why is it called building when it's already built?
6. When they say dog food is new & improved in taste, who tastes it?
7. If money doesn't grow on trees then why banks have branches?
8. Why does a round pizza come in sqaure box?
9.Why doesn't glue, stick to its bottle;-)..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ECG if u go out with wife
/l__,-.__/\_,_,-.
ECG if u go out with girlfriend
_/l_/l_/l_/l_/\_/\_
ECG if wife catches u with girlfriend...
/\________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height Of Illiteracy:
You Take A Blade
And
Write Your Lovers Name On Your Arm.
.
.
.
.
And
Make A Spelling Mistake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The difference between scientific theory and reality
is like the difference between
reading the menu and eating dinner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
Shetext back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied,
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interviewer:what is skeleton?
Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person
who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cutest Proposal -
A Boy Rings D Door-Bell Of A Girls Home.
&
Asks ,
"Do U Belive In Love At First Sight
Or
Should I Come Back Again.."
1st ever intelligent sardar.
Teacher: what do u call a person
who cannot hear anything?
sardar: u can call him anything,
because he cannot hear anything:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In bio practical:
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it's legs only?
Sardar:I don't know.
Examiner:You failed, what's your name?
Sardar:See my legs & tell my name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GIRL:My heart is like a mobile
and you are the sim card
BOY:I m very happy. . .
Gal:dont b too happy. . .
If I get a new offer
I will change the sim card..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worlds smallest resignation letter?
Respected sir,
I love Ur wife.
Thank you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
Audience was in shock and silence..
He added: "she was my mother"
A big round of applause & laughter!
A very daring husbnd tried to crack this at home
After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker
by the time he gained his senses,
he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: don't copy if u can't paste!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.
Waiter: Oh! you can't get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ghalib ne girlfriend ko date per bulaya wo late aayi,
Girl: Am I late ?
Ghalib:
Falak pey chand sitaron ko neend aarahi hai,
Doosri ka time ho gaya hai, tu ab aa rahi hai.
:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.
He asks, "How's the situation?"
He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.
They said, "It's fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,
last one was a duck!
The best feature of iPhone 6 is
that if you hold it upside down
it becomes iPhone 9.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our friendship means a lot to me.
U cry i cry.
U laugh i laugh.
U jump out of the window
I look down & then
.
.
.
I laugh again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar to doctor:
When I sleep, monkeys
play football in my dreams.
Dr:No problem,
just take this medicine b4 sleep.
Sardar: Kal se khaonga aaj final hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardarji's boy asked his dad:
What is a grownup joke?
Sardar ji replied:
any joke which is eighteen years old
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband's coat from 20 meters,
but can't see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . . :-D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Misuse of English!
A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So da Teacher Drew The Diagram On Da Blackboard
&
said:
"Dont Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure":D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar english k paper main fail ho gaya,
He did translation:
1.Main aam admi nahi hon
I'm not a mango man
2.Sarda or garma fruit hain.
Colda & hota r fruits
3.Mujhey bhi english ati hay
English comes 2 me also
4.do ro do chaar.
give and give four.
5.Mera taluk hari pur hazara se hay
I belong 2 green pur thousanda:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.
READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE.
On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.
A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.
Old man advised
"DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK othrwise YOU'll face problem"
Man finished the book with great fear but didnt open the last page.
.
.
.
But,after a week,
Out of curiousity he opend the last page and..
he almost fainted to see..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Retail Price: Rs 30/-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardar had a child after 3 month of marriage.
He asked his wife ye 3 month k bad bacha kaise howa?
Wife replied:tumhari shadi ko kitna arsa hua?
sardar:3 months.
Wife: or meri shadi ko ?
Sardar: 3 months
Wife: or bacha kitne month k baad?
Sardar:3 month.
Wife: total kitne hue?
Sardar: oye 9 months & start dancing
Balle Balle;->
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free
After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply...
"Which Trip ?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 friends,
"see" & "saw":
1 day "see" saw sea & "saw" didnt see sea.
"See" saw sea and jumped in sea.
"Saw" didnt see sea but jumped in sea.
"See" saw "saw" in sea & "saw" saw "see" in sea.
"See" "saw" both saw sea & both "saw" & "see" were happy to see Sea.
That is how to exercise your brain..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil k zakham kisi ko dikha na sako ge,
Dil mein jo he kisi ko bata na sako ge,
Karoo ge jawani me jo girlfriend pe kharche,
Budhape tak udhar chuka na sako gay:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar 2 friend: Guess how many
coins I have in my pocket?
Friend:If I guess right, u give me 1?
Sardar:Oji, I will give both of them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life has so much 2 teach us,1 famous Chinese poet said
"Sifgliyo chi chongloma cyona sung una sevol ping pinago ching"
Really touching na?
I almost cried...
What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
.
Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Train main 1 machar 1 chinese k sar pe baitha,
woh usko pakar k kha gaya!
Phir 1 machar memon pe baitha,
us ne pakar k chinese say pocha:
.
.
.
.
.
Khareedo gay?:D:D:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 larki ki dua
Kasam se her larkay ko bhula dungi,
Sab hi ki tasveerain jala dungi,
Ek tum hi raho gay is dil main,
Balance dalwa do tumhe dua dungi,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is nothing without LOVE,
Love is emotion & Kiss is practical,
don't get emotional, yar just b practical
So STOP loving and START Kissing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Importance of thumb...
Children use it 4 chewing
Illiterate people use it 4 sign
Winners 4 victory
.
.
AND
.
.
My FANS use it 4 reading my messages
.
.
.
.
.
Oh....u toooo?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl: if u will try 2 kiss me, main shore macha dungi.
Boy:Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl: i know but formality to poori karni hi padegi..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u want to hear a dirty joke?
.
.
.
Are you sure?
.
.
.
Ok, here you go...
.
.
.
A white horse fell in the mud
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didnt see her......
Tuesday and wednesday passed too.....
On thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the
Corner of one eye;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoslay saray azma baithay,
Hum zamanay k ghum utha baithay,
Jis ki chahat main umer bhar tarpay,
Us ki shadi ki biryani kha baithay:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A : u r Active
B : u r Best
C : u r Cute
D : u r my Dearest
E : u r Excelant
F : u r alwayz First
G : u r Great
Sorry cant lie till Z...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nahi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bhi koi scene nahi hai,
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab say haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ladies hostel caught Fire
It took 1 hour to bring the Fire under control
& another 3 hrs 2 bring d Firemen
under control.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happens when a lion roars thrice?
-
-
-
-
-
Think
-
-
-
-
-
Any guess?
-
-
-
-
-
Ok i will tell you..
-
-
-
-
-
Tom & jerry cartoon begins!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When u feel lonely and alone
& cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Khuda ke Ghar say Kuch Gadhey farar hogaye
kuch to pakray gayai
kuch hamare yaar hogaye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.
Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Malika plays roll of Draupadi,
Duryodhan will say pheli bhabhi ko sari to pehna,
hum to dekhen ye vastro mein kaisi lagti hai..?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab sey tumhain jana hai,
jab sey tumhain paaya hai,
har dua mein tera naam aaya hai,
Ta k poochhu rab say
.
.
.
.
ki yeh kaisa namoona banaya hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat,
keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,
20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aisi apni wife ho
aisi apni wife ho
5.5 jiski hight ho
jeans jiski tight ho
chehra jiska bright ho
waight main thori light ho
umer main diffrence slight ho
thori se woh quite ho
to mamorable her ek night ho
aisi apni wife ho
sarak per sub kaheen kia cute hey
bheer main sub kaheen pakistan ki paidaish h0
beauty multyply by twice ho
favorite color white ho
make up thora light ho
zulfain dynamite hoon
aankheen us ki jaisey sunny twilight ho
hoonton ko dekh ker lagey jaisey coke diet ho
jub sari pehan ker nikley to kia sight ho
aisa lagey jaisey swtizerland ki flight ho
aisi apni wife ho agar aisi apni wife ho tu kia haseen life ho..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl ask to moulvi! can i kiss a man?
moulvi says: astaghfirullah! astaghfirullah!
girl: can i kiss a boy?
moulvi: laahulawala quwata.........
girl: can i kiss u?
moulvi: Bismillahh bismillah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Us nay kaha kon ho Tum?
Main nay kaha Hasrat Tumari
Us nay kaha Taktey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Surat Tumhari
Us ne kaha kartey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Pooja Tumhari
Us nay kaha Kaafir ho kya?
Main nay kaha aisa hi sahi
Us nay kaha chatey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Mohabbat Tumhari
Us nay kaha Pachtaoge,
Main nay kaha KismatHamari
Us nay Kaha Married hoon mai.
Main nay kaha Sorry BAJI
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A scientist cannot b a president,but kalam did it.
A conductor cannot b a superstar,but Rajini did it.
A monkey cannot operate mobile,
but u mere lal, mind blowing....
Aaj kuch ghabraaye se lagte ho,
Thand se kuch kap-kapaaye se lagte ho,
Nikhar kar aayi hai soorat aapki,
BAHUT DINO KE BAAD NAHAAYE SE LAGTE HO..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once, Boss, Officer & Clerk going 4 a meeting.
They saw a Jin.
Jin said: As i fulfill 3 wishes at a time
But u r 3 persons so i will fulfill 1 wish for each.
Clerk said: Send me to America with a lot of money clerk disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Officer said: Send me to Paris with a lot of beautiful girls. officer disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Jin said to Boss: what is ur wish?
He said: "I want these two idiots back at office after lunch."
Moral: Always Let the BOSS SPEAK 1st
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Imagine world without girls
roads sunsan markets viran
na janu na jan
na koi girl friend k liye preshan
bas namaz & quran
&
sarey larke direct jannat ul maqam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once an old man was waiting for a train, sitting on a bench.
A young boy came to him and asked the time.
Old man refused to tell the time.
Boy insisted again & again but old man denied again & again.
Boy asked the reason?
Old man said if i tell you the time,
then you will ask about me,my name,job etc.
Then i will ask about you,both of us will be frank.
By chance you may get the seat with me.
Then you may get down at my station.
My daughter will come to receive me.
She will meet you. She is beautiful.
You may fall in love with her,she too.
Then she may insist to marry u, even may threaten me.
And i am sorry that
I dont want such a poor son in law
who hasn't his own watch to see the time. ;-) :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worlds shortest jokes:
1) 2 Women r sitting quiet.
2) 2 Sardars r playing chess.
3) GirlFriend pays the bill...!!!
Need more???
U r beautiful.:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr.Bean Science
.
Major Rohail:
I was stuck in ELEVATOR for 3 hrs
Due to electric failure
Mr.Bean:
Ya me too
I was stuck on ESCALATOR for 5 hrs
Joke kaisa laga ?
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (48 votes, average: 3.35 out of 5)
u r...
A B C D E F G H I J K L
A=Aachhe
B=Briliant
C=Cool
D=Dashing
E=Emotional
F=Fantastic
G=Great
H=Hot
I=Intelligent
&
JKL=Joke Kaisa Laga.
A ship was sinking.
Captain: Does any one know how to pray?
A priest comes forward and says he can pray.
Captain: Ok priest, you pray;
Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket
as we are one jacket short.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TERROR JOKE -
What will happen
if u throw an AMPLIFIER into the sea?
TSUNAMI will be created
since an amplifier converts
small waves into bigger wave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 points that prove you are a normal student
1:unnecessary talk on phone and messages
2:Plan each day to study but end of the day KAL SAY PAKA
3:you have all the data but you work before the dead line
4:right now you are thinking of forwarding this message to your friends
5:on each point you smile because it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I open my eyes every morning
I pray to God that everyone should
have a friend like you....
Why should only i suffer!!! ha ha ha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl:How much do you love me?
Boy:My heart is a mobile and you are its SIM
Girl:Ooh God.. I am soo lucky..
.
.
.
.
.
.
She doesn't know that my mobile is dual sim :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi i am marrying next week
there will be a small party and
only few persons will be invited
Hey don't bring any gift
just bring SOMEONE to marry me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someday you may lose your hair.
you may lose your teeth- oyur money & even lose your mind.
But 1 thing you will never loose is oyur good looks.
because you cant lose what you don't have!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: Will U marry , after I die.
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will U marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.
Teacher says to student, In Algebra
A=B
&
B=C.
It means A=C.
Now give relevant example.
Student: Sir, I love you & You love your daughter,
It means that I love your daughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Future plans of childrens:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Adnan: I want 2 b a pilot.
Wakeel: I want 2 b a doctor.
Bina: I want 2 b a good mother.
Shariq : I want 2 help Bina.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always think about U.
I can't live without U.
I really need U.
I'm totally mad about U.
I just wanna be with U.
I'm very desperate for U.
I'm crazy 4 U.
I wanna marry U.
I LOVE U.
That's all what my mama say to me:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If:-
R u emotionally dumbed
Creatively challenged?
Artistically void?
Socially hopeless?
And financially desperate?
Congrats you are a
PAKISTANI!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choose four
Select three
Love two
And
Marry one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Ur Single Smile Thousands People Die So
Keep Smiling n
Reduce Population Of PAKISTAN
But.
Never Smile In Front Of Da Mirror
Warna
Lene K Dene Par Jayen Gay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aik Pagal: "Mujhe Katrina ne shadi k lye haan bol di hai"
Doosra: "Dikha di na usne apni auqat.
Main bhi itni asani se tallaaq nahi dunga." :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a girl's speaking 2 a boy........
u r very handsome.
u r very cute.
u r very sweet.
ooph.......sorry.
i can't call u sweet....
because ants will finish u.
UNIVERSAL TRUTH :
When girls wear tight fittings,
Neither they are
Comfortable
Nor
Boys are comfortable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In our life time
6 things can come at any time:
1.love
2.friendship
3.money
4.death
5.illness
-
-
-
6.susu: isliye karke sona .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Aeroplane asks a Rocket
How is that you can fly so fast?
The Rocket replies you will know the pain
when they put fire at your back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dabbay main dabba dabay main khargosh,
Uncle nay aankh mari aunty bay-hosh...;):D:D
To the only boy I ever loved!
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (32 votes, average: 4.16 out of 5)
Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card,
it says,"To the only boy I ever loved!"
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them
C~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Y do couples hold hands during their wedding?
Its a formality just like two boxers
shaking hands before the fight begins!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How will a rat purpose a cat...??
?
..??
?
"Billo Rani Kaho Tou Abhi Jaan De Doon..
O Billo Rani..!!;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can u dance?
?
?
?
No!
.
.
.
Sure
.
.
.
Just try it
.
.
.
Sure u cant
.
.
.
That means u r pappu!!!
.
.
.
Because pappu cant dance ..
Sumeone Kills AMIR'S GF
& He Loses His Memory.
Than He Tries To Find out D Killer.
Suspense:AMIR Himself Is D Killer.
Now Enjoy Watchng GHAJINI :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: what is meant by
"I MISS YOU"
.
.
.
.
Pathan: Is ka matlab hai
"Mein tumhari miss hon!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life while doing m.b.b.s
1sr yr: yahoo i'm in Medical college
2nd yr: kahan phans Gaya? Help me
3rd yd: severe Migraine, sometimes Pagalpan bhi
4th yr: aah soon it'll b over
5th yr: finaly it'll b over
House job: i did it
Job : i love myself
W8 a min !
Something is missing
.
.
.
.
Ohhh !!! Meri "jawani":(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If u have 3 fathers, miss call me.
If i m your father, just ignore this message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus
with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Solid reason for having 2 girlfriends at one time:
Monopoly is always damaging
&
Competition improves service!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Send me SMS on these time
Morning
6am To 12pm
Noon
12pm To 4pm
Evening
4pm To 8pm
Night
8pm To 6am
Baki Time Tang Mat Karna
Kam Karna Hota Hai :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains.
So what do the rest have?
.
They have girl friends:p
Graduation Speech:
I Would Like To Thank,
The Internet, Google, Wikipedia,
Microsoft 0ffice And
Copy Paste. . . !! =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wonderful confession by a girl in church and amazing reply she got
She:i m in love with a boy who is far away from me
I m in india and he lives in uk
We met on marriage website
Became friends on fb
Had long chats on whatsapp
Proposed each other on skype
N now 2 months of relationship through viber
I need ur blessings and good wish oh god
Guy besides her said: now get married on twitter
Have fun on tango
Buy your kids from ebay
Send them through gmail
And if u r fed up with ur husband or kids toh unko OLX pe bech de
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
jeevan me paise, pyaar, dost,
sab kuch aata hai jaata hai,
par tode gaye daant phir nhi aate,
samajhdar ho ummeed hai msg bhejte rahoge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A love letter from biscuit maker:
Dear marie, today is good day,
u r anmol for me...
but u have crack jacked my heart,
bcoz i have a little heart,
now i m in 50/50 position...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a man is allowed to select a girl
from 90 girls
and
Even if most beautiful is picked,
There's still the pain of losing
the remaining EIGHTY NINE....:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Girlfriend Told Me
If I Bought Her One More Stupid Gift
She Would Burn It
So I Bought her A Candle :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What does ILU means?
Girlfriend:Its 2 tight
Boyfriend:Dont worry,Ill put it slowly,
Girlfriend:Push it in,
Boyfriend:Ah..I cant,
Girlfriend:Its painful,
Boyfriend:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What? is a difference between
a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?
A kiss is so dear,?
A car is too dear and
A monkey is U dear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji & his wife going to city in auto.
Driver adjusted miror.
Sardarji shouted you are seeing my wife.
Go & sit back. I will drive auto...:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
You should know what you are,
And once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: I havnt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didnt u exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody
2 exchange in the lower birth..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nobody teaches
Volcanoes to erupt,
Tsunamis to devastate,
Hurricanes to sway around
&
no one teaches
How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Examiner:y r u under tension?
Did u forget admit card,ID,or calculator?
studnt:No Sir!
By mistake i have brought tomorrow
exam's pharray (Cheating material) today:
You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having 1 child makes you a parent
but having 2 makes you a refree.
Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right
and the other is always husband.
You can't buy love
but you pay heavily for it.
Wife and husband always compromise,
husband admits that he's wrong and wife too agrees with him.
Our language is called the mother tongue
because the father never gets a chance to Speak.!:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl Fell Down from 80th floor,
A boy caught her on 65th floor and asked her...
will u hug me...?
She replied.., offcourse not...
he dropped her.
...........
she was caught on 30th floor by another boy....
He asked her, will u kiss me..?
no not at all, she replied
he dropped her too..
she prayed for last chance when a boy hold her on 5th floor.
she immediately said...
ok i will hug u and kiss u..
The boy dropped her and saying.
Astagfirullah !!
mera roza hai :P [ I am fasting ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: Marry Me..?
Girl: Do You Have A House...?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do You Have A Bmw Car...?
Boy: No..
Girl: How Much Is Your Salary..?
Boy: No Salary, But...
Girl: No But.You Have Nothing.
How Can I Marry You? Leave Please!!
Boy: (talking To Himself) I Have One Villa, 3 Property
Lands, 3 Ferrari ' S, And 3 Porsche's. Why Would I Need
To Have A Bmw ? How Could I Get A Salary When
I'm The Boss!
& The Girl Lost Her Chance =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Devils went to Court to Prove
that he is The Most,
Cruel & wicked Guy on Earth.
But he Failed, He Came Out Angrily & Asked,
Yaar ye ALTAF BHAI kon hai?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Style of break up:
Boy bought gift for His Girl friend-
GF:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket?
Boy: U wanted stars na?
Now sit on it and GET LOST:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Call A Girl Pretty
& She Will Remember It For
5 Minutes..!
Call A Girl Ugly
& She Will Remember It
Forever..!"
Marriage is like a public toilet
Those waiting outside are desperate to get in
&
Those inside are desperate to come out..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aftr engagemnt!
Girl:
Now stop looking at girls,u r commited now!
Boy:
Oho what do u mean,
if i m on diet,
that doesnt mean that i cant look at MENU . . :-D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
boy: how do i play the guitar????
girl: u should be on TV for ur talent
boy: am i so good??? :D :O
girl: if u were on TV,, i can atleast switch it off
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between
Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message
&
Donkey deletes this message.
Choice is urs........:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar darvaze pe GUN liye khara tha
Wife: y r u standing here?
Sardar: Sher k shikar pe ja raha hon
Wife: To jao na..!
Sardar: Kase jaon baher KUTTA khara hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
"U r my Best Wife?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WANTED SINGLE GIRL,
Able To Cook,
Love And Have Job,
Must Have
HOUSE & CAR.
Plz Send Picture 0f
HOUSE & CAR ... =P =D
A Question Asked In A Talent Test
If U R Married To One Of The Twin Sisters,
How Would You Recognize Your Wife?
The Answer Came:
"Why Should I ? :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
ik benam si mohabbat mere nam ker do,
ik subha ko milo aur shaam ker do,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kaam ker do:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
Ik benam si mohabbat mere naam kerdo,
Ik subha ko milo aur shaam kerdo,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kam kerdo,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Of The Best Quote,
Always have a
BACKUP
BEFORE
BREAKUP! :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.
1st Guy To Second-What Will We Do Now?
2nd Guy-U Marry My Sis,
I Will Marry Ur Sis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Belated Teachers' Day
Its A Humble Request
"80% Of Teachers r
Suffering From Throat
Pain By Teaching Students."
So Plz
.
.
.
.
BUNK d Classes As Much
As Possible
n
Save Our Teachers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catch her by her waist...
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a ...
...nice drink...PEPSI
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four guys
1 from Harward:
1 Oxford
1 Texas
&
a Sardar from Pujab university
1 common question:
What is the fastest thing in world?
Oxford:Light
Harvard:Thought
Texas:Blink of an eye
Sardar:Its loose motions,
because last night I was lying in my bed
& before I could blink,think or turn on the lights,
it was over!
A recently fired
stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce...
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Love b4 Marriage*
Janu...tum nahe to mei nahe,
mei nahe to tum nahe...
*Love after Marriage*
"baghairta"...Aj tu nahe ya me nahe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SILENCE
Is d best Answer
for all questions
SMILE
Is d best Reaction
in all situations
Unfortunately
BOTH Never Help In
any EXAM, VIVA, REVIEW & INTERVIEW :P:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Night If Mosquito Bites,
What Should We Do.?
?
?
?
?
Just Scratch N Sleep Again
We R Not Rajnikant
2 Make The Mosquito Say Sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q- a parrots sits on an elephant and the elephant died!!
Prove how is this possible
.
.
.
.
Physics student:
assume that elephants name is parrot
&
parrots name is elephant:d:p:)
physics can prove anything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teri yaad dil se jane nahi denge,
Tere jesa dost khone bhi nahi denge,
Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo warna,
Ek kaan k niche denge or rone bhi nahie denge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Log ishq kartay hain baray shor kay sath,
Humne bhi kia bare zor kay sath,
Lakin ab karain gay thoray ghor kay sath,
Kyunke kal usay dekha kisi aur kay sath.
Sardar selected a short girl to marry.
Why?
Because guru ji told him
Musibat jitni choti ho utna acha hai ...:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taste this SMS
Did u feel da taste of ginger?
No?
Sure?
Well.....
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Impact of Movies:
Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student:- He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newtons Universal Law Of Love:
Every boy on earth is attracted towards a girl
with a force directly proportional to the figure of the girl
and
Inversely proportional to strength of her brother..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a Party A Handsome guy askd a gal,"r u going 2 dance?"
She felt so happy & said-"yes"
& d guy said-"dats gud,so can i hav ur chair?" :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: I Love You..?
Girl: Hahahahaha
Boy: I Won't Live Without You..?
Girl: Hahahahahahaha
...
Boy: I Will Die For You..?
Girl: Hahahahahahahaha
Boy: I Will Gift You A Gold Ring With Diamond..?
Girl: Awwwww.. Promise ?
.
.
.
Boy: Hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U are a BITCH
Beautiful
Intelligent
Talented
Cute
Hilarious
r u smiling now?
?
?
?
*YOU ARE REALLY BITCH
A person who surrenders when he's WRONG,
is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND.!
AQAL HO NA HO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
& is searching 4 new talent.
I've suggested ur name.
Pls go & meet him.
The movie's name is "AQAL HO NA HO"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kion har bar mosam ki tarah badal jate ho,
Har bar hamara dil dukhatay ho,
Yeh bat sun ker hamari roh tak kanp gaye,
Ae dost tum masjidon se chapal or lote churate ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy friend is fun,
&
Husband is gun,
Boy friend is light of moon,
&
Husband is month of june,
Boy friend is tooty fruity,
&
Husband is qismat phooti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Best Reply Ever By a Girl
When She Is Asked For a Kiss
By Her Boyfri
.
.
Karlo :p
Just do it :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Air & students hv d same mentality
How?
?
?
?
?
Both r turning d book's pages without reading.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did You Know . . .?
That
"HEELS" Are Man's Invention
To Make It Harder For A
Woman To Run Away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Perfectly Legal To
Kill Someone In Your
Dreams,
That's Why
I Wake Up With A Smile Everyday
Good Morning :-)I Made No Resolutions For The New Year.
The Habit of Making Plans,
Criticizing, Sanctioning
And Molding My Life
Is Too Much of
A Daily Event For Me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of Good Luck ...!
Teacher: Hey! Stand up.
Tell me two pronouns.
.
.
.
Student: Who? Me?
Teacher: Very Good, Sit down :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor
when they begin forgetting little things.
Their doctor tells them that many people
find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says,
"Dear, will you please go to the kitchen
and get me a dish of ice cream?
And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband,
"I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some
strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad,
" says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream
with strawberries and whipped cream.
I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen;
his wife hears pots and pans banging around.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen
and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks,
"Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rose
Lotus
Tulip
Orchid
Sunflower
Jasmin
Lilly
All flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,
Kyun K
Gobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again.
Sardar on phone:
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (378 votes, average: 3.84 out of 5)
Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speakin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Fill Up The Blanks :-
Your Name_______
Percentage In SSC_____%
Gender_____
.
.
.
.
Now Read 'Only' The Answers..! :D :D ;) :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kehdo un parhne walon se,
Kabhi hum bhi parha kertay thay,
Jitna syllabus parh k wo top kertay hain,
Utna to hum choice per chor dia kertay thay,
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?
Sardar:Your honour,
it's easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bubbli got caugt on date
on Independance day
.
Major Rohail-
What is this?
.
Bubbli-
Dad today is freedom day,
so let me do what I want
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey friend remember that
without stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Specially dedicated to boys:
A kiss is like a stamp,
Once u stamp a gal,
she wouldn't go anywhere else
Guys r like stamp paper,
jitne bhi lagao kum hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Boy Was Going With His Girl Friend
Friend Asked : Who Is She?
Boy : My Cousin.
The Frend Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin.! :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing a Cockroach on ur bed
is nothing actually....!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Real Problem Starts When It Disappears...!! ;-) :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar said to doctor:Pore jism main
kahin bhi ungli lagao to bohat dard hota hai,
Doctor suggested full body Xray
when he checked, Xray found fracture in "Ungli"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before marriage:
Roses are red, sky is blue,
O my darling! I love you...
After Marriage:
Roses are dead,
I have flu,
don't come near me,
Paray hatt tuu,
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 4.O bunty k pappa
Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any man who can drive safely
while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss
the attention it deserves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 5th standard kid wrote in his maths answr sheet:
Dear Math,
Im sick & tired of finding ur x
Jst accpt d fact dat she's gone!
Move On dude!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When u feel sad....
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
"damn I am really so cute"
u will overcome your sadness.
But don't make this a habit.....
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
koi chez be-wafai se barh ker kia hogi,
Ghum-e-tanhai judai se barh ker kia hogi,
Kisi ko deni ho jawani main saza,
to wo saza PARHAI se barh ker kia hogi:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman is like blue tooth ,
U r next 2 her,
she stays connected,
u go away,
she finds new device
Man is like wi-fi,
many devices can connect 2him at a time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
"what's on the TV?"
and ..... I said, "dust!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only true friends stand by u
during bad times.
I promise
I will attend ur wedding
Baharo phool barsao mera "DOST"aya hai.
Hoto pe muskan, gali me mehak laya hai.
Barso tak thi jise pani se "ELERGY"
Woh aaj "LUX" se nahaya hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil main he mere Dard-e-bhutto
"Dard-e-bhutto"
"Dard-e-bhutto"
Wo hasina wo nilam pari,,
hui thi wo election main khari,,
na jane kahan se goli chal pari,,
hamare lia ho gayi mushkil khari,,
Dil main hay mere
""Dard-e-Bhutto""
""Dard-e-Bhutto""
ha koi muqabla karne wala
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends Are like Priya Gold Biscuit Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newspaper Mein News Lugi K
"50% Of Sardars Are Donkeys"
The Sardars Protested.
Next Day News Lagi K
"50% Of Sardars R Not Donkeys"
The Sardars Celebrated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardars Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Dont Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate Bachelor Again.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is Married Again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a Guy does Something Wrong!
Girl : You broke my Favorite Lamp!
Boy : It was an Accident... I didn't mean to..!
Girl : I can't believe you did this.
Boy : I'm Sorry.. !! :(
When a Girl does Something Wrong!
Boy : You Lost My Dog??!!!
Girl : It was an Accident. I didn't mean to!
Boy : I can't believe you did this.
Girl : I already feel bad about it..!! Stop making me feel Worse..!!
Boy : I'm Sorry..!!:(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Position of husband is like a split A.C.
No matter how loud he is outside,
but inside the house,
he is designed to remain
silent, cool & controlled by remote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
if sumone calls u crazy,dont mind,
if sumone calls u duffer,relax,
if sumone calls u stupid be cool,
but if sumone calls u "cute"
.
.
.
.
lagana thappar os pagal ke monh pe,
mazak ki b koi hud hoti hai
New Economic Analysis:
Its better to have a Long distance Relationship:
Because, S.T.D. rates are much Lower than Fuel Rates.... :-P ;-)
Funny fact of studies
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (58 votes, average: 4.36 out of 5)
This Funny fact always happen wid me:
Study for one Hour-
No One sees.!
.
.
But pick up mobile just 4 a second,
& Mom/Dad enters d room! ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey U Know
Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1
U Know Why??
If she accept its your luck
otherwise just tell April Foooooll.
Could u fax me ur photo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
Mind u - it's really very very urgent,
damn serious and very imp ....
I'm playing cards and
we've misplaced the JOKER.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man at medical store:I need poison
Chemist: I can't sell you that
Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn't knew u had a prescription.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whos hot... Its U,
Whos
Charming... Its U,
Whos
Sweetest.. Its U,
Whos
Intelligent... Its U,
Whos dear & near friend... Its U
Whos a liar.. Its me
Ultimate insult..
I Iove your smile becoz..
.
.
.
.
.
.
My favorite colour is "YELLOW"!! :D'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wanna make money through Facebook...??
Go to:
Account->
account settings->
and click on
De-activate your Account
than
Start Working...!! Lolz :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love Happens Automatically.
.
.
.
Manual Working Of It
Is Called Flirting :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
"I thought It was MONEY"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love is possible after friendship
but
friendship is not possible after love
because
medicines work before death
later nothing can be cured....!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ??
Wife remains silent
Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ??
Wife : Abbe gin ne to D.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a practical Exam
Examiner showed legs of bird n said:Tell the bird's name
Sardar:I dont know
Exminer: U r failed.Wats ur name?
Sardar: You see my legs, and tell me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"
DAD:dear son,why yor sister sitting so silent
SON:Nothing dad sister asked
lipstik, but i gave fevistik.
No chip chip
no chik chik
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab barish hoti hai, Tum yaad aate ho.
Jab kali ghata chaye, Tum yaad ate ho,
Jab bheegte hain tum yaad aate ho,
Bataoo Meri umbrella Kab wapis kro ge!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...
still he was in jail.......why?
coz all the 6 were fire brigade staff !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,"Koun Thi Wo?"
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, Yes dear, I know
but I was in love and didnt notice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa-What Is Difference
Between COFFEE Shop & WINE
Shop?
Banta-COFFEE Shop Is The
Starting Point Of LOVE & WINE
Shop Is Last Point Of LOVE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give me some SunShine..!!!
Give me some Rain..!!
Give me another Girlfriend..!!
I am Single once again..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There have been many time in 2017
when I may disturbed you
troubled u
irritated u
bugged u
.
.
.
.
today I just wanna tell you
.
.
.
.
I plan to continue it in 2017.
Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always think about U.
I cant live without U.
I really need U.
Im totally mad about U.
I just wanna be with U.
Im crazy 4 U.
I wanna marry U.
I LOVE U.
Aisa mujhe bajuwali kehti hai
(My neighbour say all this to me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good teacher according to students is 1 who :
-Should Be Absent At Least 3 Times A Week
-Should Come In Class 10mins Late And Left The Class 10 Mins Earlier
-Should Not Give Any Homework And Assignments
-Should Not Ask Any Questions To Students
-Should Not Disturb The Students By Teaching While They Are Talking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cute love story with happy ending:
One day somebody proposed u!
U said: "i am Not interested."
This way, somebody lived a happy life .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the perfect example
of both Good & Bad Luck?
The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)
but at the same time
Dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to settle abroad?
For Boys:
Study hard
Get good grades
Appear in ielts n toefl
Apply for student visa
Wait for the call
Appear in the interview
Get admission in a university
Get good grades
Search for a job
Work hard, earn well to settle
For Girls:
Marry this guy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pay My Regards To Ur Father
Who Is Tolerating Such A Dumb Duffer Child,
What A Stamina He Has Got..
I Salute Ur Father:p
Happy Father's day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Simple fact:
Boys Can Never B
Satisfied With
3 Things In Life:
-Mobile
-Bike
-Girlfriend
Because;
There Is Always
A Better Model
Available In Future ;)
I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can't send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I'm sending you just 1 joke
.
.
.
"You are so beautiful"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Define a True Music Lover?
A Girl singing in a Bathroom
While Taking Bath
and a Boy Near the Keyhole
is Using His Ears Not His Eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class
Think +ve:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hum ho gaye tumhare tumhe sochne k bad,
Ab na daikhen gay kisi ko tumhe daikhne k bad,
Dunya chor dain gai tumhai chorne k bad,
KHUDA! Maaf kare itne jhut bolne k bad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in
the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****.
Sant: U r wrong. It's 1394.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God thought that since
he couldn't b everywhere
he made a mother.
Then devil thought that
he couldn't be everywhere
he made a mother-in-law.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One million copies of a new book sold
In just 2 days due to typing error of 1 alphabet in title.
"An idea,that can change ur wife''
While real word was(life).
I Cried When I Failed
In 2 Subjects,
.
.
.
.
.
.
But
.
.
.
.
.
.
I laughed When I Came To
Know My Friend Failed In 5
Subjects... ;-) :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
"can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake...:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful flowers die....
Nice stories end......
Lovely songs fade........ ..
Momeries are forgotten... ..
All things comes to end.....
But people like YOU always remain forever
.
.
.
BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Poetry Competition asked For A 2-Line
Rhyme With d Most Romantic 1st Line &
the Least Romantic 2nd Line
There's d Winning Rhymes
My darling, My Love,My Beautiful Wife
Marrying U Ruined,My Whole Life
I c Ur Face When I m Dreaming
That's Why I Always Wake Up Screaming
Kind Intelligent, Loving & Hot
This Describes Everything You r Not
I Love Ur Smile, Ur Face & Ur Eyes
Damn, I'm V Good At Telling Lies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE:-
C-Come,
O-On,
L-Lets,
L-Love,
E-Each,
G-Girl,
E-Equally......
Thats why boys go to college
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smile to old means Respect
Smile to child mean Innocence
Smile to friend means Care
Smile in front of mobile, a mental case!
Still smiling? ;-)
Pagal ey oy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As per research
A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000
Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : U failure !
At ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir,
but at ur age hitler commited suicide
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
"He's not my friend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
twinkle Twinkle little star,
teri girl friend gaye bazar,
us ko mil gaya MAJNO ka pyar,
ab tu beth ker makhiyan maaar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I'm in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man found his wife having affair with a guy.
He decided 2 kill himself & his wife.
Apne kaan pe pistol lagai aur bola-
tu khush mat ho agla number tera hai!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question by a student !!
If a single teacher can't
teach us all the subjects,
Then...
How could you expect a single student
to learn all subjects ?
Cricket is getting excited day by day with the introduction of ICL n T20...
Same rules should be applied in Examz!
(1) Exams Timing Should Be Reduced To One Hour.
(2) Power Play - No Invigilator In Exam Hall For 1st 15 mins.
(3) Cheer Leaders - To Dance After Every Right Answer Written.
(4) Strategic Time-Out - Time For Students For Discussion.
(5) Super Over - Chance For Students To Form Their Own Question. :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband & Wife Were
Arguing Over Some Issue.
After Much Of Discussion,
Wife Finally Said:
"Tell Me Dear ,
Do You Want To Win
OR
Do You Want To Be Happy . . ?
Argument Ended
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The latest slogn of boys:
Pakistan is our nation
Girls are our Destination
Dating is Our Occupation
Flirting is our Profession
Leave about Education
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl:Its 2 tight
Boy:Dont worry,Ill do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I cant,
Gal:Its painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
American:-Dogs can find Bombs in my country.
Japanese:-Fish can play Ball in my country.
Pakistani:-Thats not a matter,Monkey can read SMS in my country...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says:Ab bolne se kiya fayidah?
"Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na":D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please
Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 time
GIRLZ OF 1995*
"AGAR TUM MIL JAO ZAMANA CHOIR DENGE HUM"
GIRLZ OF 2007*
AGAR TUM MIL JAO PURANA CHOR DENGE HUM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don't worry, I have a one more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband said to his wife One day
"I don't know how you can be so stupid
&
so beautiful all at the same time"
The wife responded ,
"Allow me to explain,
God made me beautiful
so you would be attracted to me ;
God made me stupid
so I would be attracted to you !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message &
Donkey deletes this message.
Choice is yours
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roses r lal
skies r nila,
ur brain is like khali patila.
Bura man liya?
O.K
Roses r red
skies r blue,
I born smart
what d hell hapened to u.
Thora sa or bura manlo :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Open with Love...
If I disturb U
I am Sorry!
But I need
To Say
I...
Love...
Disturbing you...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once A Girl Askd Her Bf :
Why We Have Units To Measure
Weight, Height & Distance
But
Not Love, Friendship & Trust?
.
Boy Thought For A While
.
.
.
Took Her In His Arms,
Looked Deep In Her Eyes & Said
Look, DON'T Eat My Brain!
I Have Already Failed In Physics :p:D
Q: What did the gangster's son
tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but I never told them anything."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.
But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.
Think different.
Add wife, have life :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomorrow is my exam
But I don't care
Because a single sheet of paper
can't decide my future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wats d height of hope??
It is: sittin in d exam hall,
holdin d question paper in hand
n tellin ur self
"dude,dnt worry.
Exams wil get postponed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don't have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1st Man: Which Is The Best Month
To Get Married..?
2nd Man: Octemb ruary
1st Man: Don't Be Silly,
There Is No Such Month
2nd Man: Exactly
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love everybody.
Some I love to be around,
Some I love to avoid,
and
others I would love to punch in the face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Promise me we are true friends
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey
Friends r like fishes.
U have to sit patiently for a long time
to catch a good one.
Just like I caught u.
so better stay nice otherwise
I will FRY YOU..;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Youing Couple Were
Having Their First Fight
And It Was A Big One
After A While,
The Husband Said:
"When We Got Married,
You Promised To Love,
Honor n Obey"
His Bride Replied:
"I Know But I Didn't
Want To Start An
Argument In Front Of
All Those People At d
Wedding"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Oxymoron's:
(An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together)
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
&
the Mother of all
11) Happily Married
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Angry Wife To
Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ... ?"
Husband:
Darling You Remember That
Jewelery Shop Where You Saw
The Diamond Necklace n Totally
Fell In Love With It n I Didn't
Have Money That Time n I said
"Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... " O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing:
Yeah I Remember That My Love !
Husband:
I m In The Pub Just Next To That Shop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhain banaya hoga,
ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...
pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..
phir ussay zoo ka khayal aaya hoga...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it's your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A ThermoMeter is n0t the 0nly thing
that gets a "DEGREE" without having a "BRAIN"...! :p
A silent msg f0r all studnts;-)
An Intelligent Wife Is One
Who Makes Sure She Spends
So Much
That
Her Husband
Can't Afford Another
Women" :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
dont discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people ask the secret
of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant
two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music
and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question: "How to kill an ant?"
Asked in an exam for 10 marks!
Student:
Mix chilli powder with sugar,
&
Keep it outside the ant's hole
After eating,
ant will search for some water near a water tank.
Push ant in to it!
Now ant will go to dry itself near fire,
When it reaches fire, put a bomb into d fire!
Then admit wounded ant in icu!
And then
remove oxygen mask from it's mouth and kill the ant :-|
Moral:
Don't play with students!
They can do any thing for 10 marks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u know similarity
between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
?
?
?
?
Both don't exist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a school function
A K.G boy started closing his ears with
both hands,
when girl was about to start her speech
Others asked him Why r you closing your ears?
He replied: Dude, She is my Girlfriend n She is
gonna start her speech with
.
.
.
.
.
.
My Dear Brothers n Sisters :-)
Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad,
just a radio with a sports car around it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHY STUDENT FAIL
Sundays-52 in a year,Days left 313
Summer holidays 50,Days left 263
8 hrs daily sleep-130 days GONe, Days left 141
1 hr daily playing means 15 days,Days left 126
2 hrs daily for eating means 30 days.Days left 96,
1 hr talking means 15 days.,Days left 81
Exams days 35 days,Days left 46
Eid & Gov holidays 20, Days left 26
Movies,TV at least 25 days,Days left 1
That 1 day is your BIRTHDAY.
Hun banda SALGIRHA waly din bhi parhy?
Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane.
You drop one outside. How many are left?
Applicant: That's easy, 499
Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.
Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.
Interviewer: It's lion's birthday,
all the animals are there except one, why?
Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.
Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Applicant: She just crosses it
because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.
Interviewer: Last question.
In the end the old lady still died, Why?
Applicant: Err....I guess she drowned?
Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why love marriage
is better than arranged???
Because
"A KNOWN DEVIL
IS BETTER THAN
AN UNKNOWN GHOST"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question:
Why most of the engineering students
Can't clear all subjects in 1st attempt..?
?
?
?
Answer:
Smooth roads never make good drivers,
Clear sky never makes good pilots
&
Clearing all subjects in the 1st attempt,
Never makes good engineers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After massive demand from all husbands...
A new app called,"Fear" is launched in IPHONE 7
You just say ,"Wife"
and it immediately closes all websites,
hides all chats,
shuts down all games,
hide all special folders
and
deletes chat history!
and best above all,
it puts your wife's photograph as a wallpaper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One boy went to meet his girlfriend
when he came back at home
mom asked
kahaan gaey they ?
boy:us se milney
mom: kis liye?
boy: haan bohat kiss liye:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil ka dard dil torrne waley kiya jaaney,
Pyar ke rivajon ko zamana kiya jaaney,
Hoti hai kitni takleef larrki ko pataney main,
Ye ghar pe baitha larki ka baap kiya jaaney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diff B/W Ignorance & selfcontrol?
When u c mirror & u don't laugh at yourself,
that is ignorance!
&
When i look at u & i don't laugh,
thats called self control:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy askd girl: y do u love a rose,
Which dies in a day. But
Don't love me,
Who dies 4 u everyday??
Girl replied:
.
Oye hoye...
What a dialogue
2 MEN TALKING
1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?
Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman Buys A New Sim
Card Puts It In Her Phone
And Decides To Surprise Her
Husband Who Is Seated On
The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen,
Calls Her Husband With
The New Number:
"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds
In A Low Tone:
"Let Me Call U Back
Later Honey, The Dumb
Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of confidence
Once many professors were called and asked to sit in an airplane.
After they sat. They were informed that the plane is made by their students.
All of them ran and got out of plane exdcept one.
People asked him the reason
He said,"If it's made by my students it will not even start."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question : Why do girls close
their eyes while kissing a guy?
Guess
Guess
.
.
.
Answer : Yeh ladkiyan ladkon
ko kabhi khush nahi dekh sakti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True bravery is to arrive home ...
fully drunk..
a late night out..
and mom waiting with a jharu
in hand and you ask
"hey mom, abhi tak jaag rahi ho."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just feel u....
Whenever I feel u....
I just miss u .....
Whenever i miss u ....
I just wanna See u ....
Do u know why.......
It's juts because ............
******I LOVE CARTOONS*******
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Kashif, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Kashif: I is ......
TEACHER: No, Kashif. Always say, "I am."
Kashif: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
.
.
.
chand to tum ho hi,
sitaray bhi saath hote!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came n asked- what happen son?
Kid said-I cant adjust with your wife anymore,
I want my own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
"We want 2 disturb some good person."
I suggest them your name.
They said,
"We cannot disturb our boss."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
To aaj ke lunch ka bill tu bhar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In an African Safari,A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE-Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA-Yes Yes.I'm changing d battery of my camera..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know
how it feels to love
someone who doesnt
love you ?
.
.
.
.
.
Its like
waiting for a boat at the airport
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans:
Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
&
Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hum chat par charhe patang urane ke bahane,
Wo bhi chat par aayi kapde sukhane ke bahane,
Uske mummy ne jo dekha ye haseen nazara,
Jhadu le aayi wo bandar bhagane ke bahane.
Mere dost tanhai me na waqt bitaya karo,
Kabhi kabhi mehfilon me bhi aaya karo,
Kiya hua jo toot gaye hen samney k 4 dant,
Phir bhi moun khol ker muskuraya karo..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Apna samjho ya baigana,
Hamara aapka rishta he purana,
Is liye farz tha aap ko batana,
kay garmiyan aa gayi hain,
Ab shuru ker do roz nahana!
jao nahao (,?. *,?.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
"Hi,wat ru doin?"
His honest reply,"MISSING U"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than
his wife can spend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful marriage is based
On give & take:
Where husband gives money,
Gifts, dresses n wife takes it
&
Where wife gives advices, lectures,
Tensions & husband takes it..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God has given many qualities to you,
Good look, personality, charm, intelligence,
And many more......this is call as
"Allah meherbaan to gadha bhi pehalwan..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2017 is coming
Wish u a very
Happy new year
Valentine's day
Basant
23rd march
14 august
Eid ul fitr
Eid ul azha
Friendship day
Mother, father
Dadi, dada
Nana, nani
Children's day
Happy b'day
365 good mornings
After noons, evenings'
& nights
Roz roz ka drama nahi
Hota mujh se
Ab pura saal mat kehna
SMS nahi kia
Difference between Husband & gadha.
Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : Correct the sentence,
"A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : "A cow and a bull is grazing in the field"
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Positive thinking is like.....
U r standing on the middle of the road.........
&
suddenly a crow beats on your head....
But you remain calm...
and thanks to God...
that cows dont fly:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Positive-thinking poem:
Little bird in the sky
Droping shit into ur eye
U don't worry u don't cry,
U just thank God that,
Cows do not fly
Always b positive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U r a nice person...
but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning...
1st. pray to God so that u can live....
2nd.take a bath so that others can live....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Hear about the terrorist
that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one
every hour if his demands weren't met.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.
Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin ker sakta:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to the Police Station wishing
to speak with the burglar who had
broken into his house the night before.
Youll get your chance in court, said the Police officer.
No, no no! said the man.
I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. Ive been trying for years.
4 Stages of marriage:
Mad for each other.
Made for each other.
Mad at each other.
Mad bcoz of each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples
Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are on of them...)
Never be Prouf of Your Choices...
(Your Wife is one of them...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two type of studies:
1 - hard subjects which Cannot be studied.
2 - easy subject that Doesn't need to be studied
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked "what you did till evening?"
Sardar :"Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patient : What are the chances
of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent.
Medical records show that
nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before Marriage:-
He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait
she:do you want me 2 leave?
He: No! don't even think about it
She: do you love me ?
He:ofcourse! over n over!
She:have u ever cheated on me?
He:No!y r u even asking?
She:will u go on wid me on picnic?
He:every chance I get!
She:will u hit me ?
He:R u crazy?I'm not that kind of person!
She:can I trust u?
He:yes..
She: Darling!
After marriage...
Now simply read from bottom to top
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having "WIFE" Is A
Part Of Living...
But
Having "GIRLFRIEND"
Along With The "WIFE" Is
Art Of Living
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of coolness:
2 Guys coming out of the examination Hall with chips and coke in hands....
1st guy:which paper was it?
2nd guy:I think maths......
1st guy:(surprisingly) you read the question paper?
2nd guy: no I see a girl sitting besides me using calculator:
Little johnny: Mam,will you punish me
for something that I didn't do ?
Teacher : Not at all.
Little johnny : That's good.
Actually i didn't do my homework!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words Written Above A Classroom Clock.
This Clock Will Never Be Stolen,
Coz Too Many Students Are Watching It..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....
until you fall in love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to hell and asked
the Yamraj if he can call his wife.
yamraj said "u can do that"
after man spoke to his wife..
he asked how much to pay yamraj
yamraj said.."hell to hell is free"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breaking News
ATM @ Gulshan-e-Iqbal Is Jammed &
Not In Working Condition
.
.
.
Because
.
.
.
Sardar's Wife Put Hair pin In Machine
When It Said", Enter Ur PIN" ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Good Teacher Is Who
Tells To Study Hard...
But,,
A Best Teacher Is Who
Stands Outside D
Examination Hall N Shouts. . .
"OYE CHECKING WALE AA GAYE
APNI APNI PARCHIY CHUPA LO..." =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband is someone who,
after taking the trash out,
gives the impression
he just cleaned the whole house.
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference b/w shit & Oohh shit:
.
A boy Threw a love letter to a girl
.
but it fell on her brother..
Shittt!
.
And Her brother was GAY..
Oohh ShIt
:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOVE YOUR HUSBAND
When he orders you to make tea or coffee.
He wants to feel fresh to listen to your nostop talks.
Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females.
He is just checking that you are still the best.
Love him if he criticize your cooking.
He is still improving his taste.
Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep.
He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you.
Love him if forgets to give you a gift on your birthday.
He is saving money for future.
Love him Because...
You don't have a Choice...
and killing is a legal offense
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Small Boy Took A Knife
And Wrote His Girlfriends Name 0n His Hand..
After A Minute He Started Crying Loudly..
Why ???
.
.
.
Paining ???
.
.
.
No !!
.
.
.
Then ???
.
.
.
Spelling Mistake !!! :O
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Truth-
No one is as ugly as their driving license/ identity card picture,
nor as good-looking as their facebook profile pic..! :D ;)
Don't drink unboiled water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attention plz...!
Don't drink unboile
.
.
Fish live in water without pampers..
Seriously..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl : I'm warning you
My Mummy is coming back in half an hour..
Boy : But I'm not doing anything..
Girl : That's why I'm warning you..
Hurry up ! :D :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife : I saw in my dream
that u were buying a diamond ring 4 me
.
.
.
Husband : i saw your dad paying da bill
Sardarji was asked,
what is a adult joke?
Reply came
any joke which is eighteen years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choosing Career Is Like
Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls.
Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful,
Intelligent, Kindest Woman,
There's Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9 :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy with a sweet girl entered a jewellery shop
&
Choose a ring worth 8 lacs for her.
Gave a cheque & said she will collect ring on Monday after the cheque is cleared.
.
On Monday.
Jeweller called boy:
There's no money in your account.
Boy:
I know,
But, you can't imagine what a weekend I enjoyed:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A New Added element to the Periodic Table.
Element Name:GIRL
Symbol: G
Atomic Weight:dont even dare to ask :-D
Physical Properties..
*boils at anything
*can freeze at anytime
*melts if handled wid love n care
*very bitter if mis handled
Chemical Properties.
*very reactive
*highly unstable
*posses strong affinity for gold n silver
*money reducing agent
*volatile when left alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
I Wonder If 1 Day
Somebody Will Ever Come
N
Knock 0n My Door
N
Tell Me
"Hey , V Have 7 Mutual Friends
In FACEBOOK "
Can I Come In ... =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay.
The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked
"Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..
The story continues....
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing.
He said your husband has blocked your credit card.
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband.
Story continues....
Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse
and uses it to clear all the bills.
Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All say that love is more important than money..
Have u ever tried paying ur bill with a hug.. ? ? :P ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: How Do You Differentiate
"WIFE" & "MOTHER"
SARDAR:
Before Marriage We Sleep With "MOTHER"
&
After Marriage
We Sleep With Our "WIFE"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Men n Women Don't Understand Each Other?
Bcoz
God Gave Good Brains To Men
n
Good Hearts To Women
But
Men Use Their Hearts
&
Women Use Their Brains
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Sardar: BA
Professor:For sodium?
Sardar: NA
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Sardar: BANANA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: why r u arrested?
Sardar: for shopping early?
Judge: well, that's not a crime,
anyway how early were u shopping?
Sardar: before opening the shop.....:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone Asked Shakespeare:
"U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?"
He Showed Him A Calendar N Said
"A Week Has 7 Days;
Can U Say Which Day Is Younger,
Either Sunday Or Saturday ??
So, Love Comes From Heart Not In Age"
Love Has No Age.
-MORAL:
Senior Girls R Also Available For Boys:P
Do the following !!!
1) go to google translate
2) type in "Who said to sell pepsi for Rs.65?"
3) translate English to Arabic
4) Copy the Arabic version
5) choose translation from Arabic to English
6) and the truth will be unleashed!!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Put ur hand on a Hot Pan,
a second seems an hour,
But put ur hand on a Hot Girl
An hour seems a second
That's Einstein's theory of Relativity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar was busy removing
a wheel from his auto.
A man asks sardar why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher:
What should be in a
book to make it a bestseller?
Tommy:
A girl on the cover
and
no cover on the girl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you Like me as I am??
Or do I haVe
.
Request GOD to impRove your taste ?? :D
By wife ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police Officer: I arrest people, But, when I go home, I'm under house arrest, by Wife
Professor: I give lectures to students, But, when I go home, I get Lectured hourly, by wife
CEO: I'm the Boss, But, when I go home, I always feel like an employee, by wife
Judge: I give Justice, but when I go home, I Beg for Justice, by wife
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"Hey vaheguru meri lottery lagady."
After 11 years VaheGuru angrily appeared
& said,"Khoti de putar 1 vari ticket te le ley"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rich Man: Today, I have 14 Cars,
18 Bikes, 4 Bungalows, 3 Farm Houses
What do you have?
Poor Man: I have a boy
whos Girl Friend is
.
.
.
.
Your Daughter..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss hangs a poster in Office
"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.
"Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband wife watching an IPL match together:
After 5 minutes:
Wife: Is this Bret Lee?
Husband: No, this is Chris Gayle, Bret Lee is a bowler.
Wife: Okay, oh look, another wicket.
Husband: No, this is just a replay of the last one.
Wife: Hmm, looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It's Bangalore vs Mumbai.
Wife: How many runs they need to win now?
Husband: 72 runs in 36 balls.
Wife: Eh! That's easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball.
Husband: *Turns off the TV*
Wife: Turns it on again and starts watching "Daily serial"
Husband: Who is girl here ?
Wife: Don't disturb me please .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best quote of advertisment
written in front of a famous beauty parlour :
"Don't whistle at the girl going out from here,
She might b ur grand mother..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him,
"Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
Sardar : "Ya sure, from landline or mobile".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight.
.
.
.
Dad asked: "how did u feel?"
.
.
.
It replied: "Dad it was wonderful. evry1 ws clappin 4 me"
Moral: Take evrything positively
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
OF THEM..:-P
Man outside phone booth: Excuse me !!
You are holding the phone since 20 mins.
&
haven't spoken a word..!!!
Man inside: I'm talking to my wife
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Interesting Confusions"
1. Can u cry under water?
2. Do fish ever get thirsty?
3. Why don't birds fall out of trees when they sleep?
4. What do u call a male lady bird?
5. Why is it called building when it's already built?
6. When they say dog food is new & improved in taste, who tastes it?
7. If money doesn't grow on trees then why banks have branches?
8. Why does a round pizza come in sqaure box?
9.Why doesn't glue, stick to its bottle;-)..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ECG if u go out with wife
/l__,-.__/\_,_,-.
ECG if u go out with girlfriend
_/l_/l_/l_/l_/\_/\_
ECG if wife catches u with girlfriend...
/\________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height Of Illiteracy:
You Take A Blade
And
Write Your Lovers Name On Your Arm.
.
.
.
.
And
Make A Spelling Mistake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭⧭The difference between scientific theory and reality
is like the difference between
reading the menu and⬇⬇ eating dinner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬐Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
Shetext back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied,
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interviewer:what is skeleton?
Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person
who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cutest Proposal -
A Boy Rings D Door-Bell Of A Girls Home.
&
Asks ,
"Do U Belive In Love At First Sight
Or
Should I Come Back Again.."
1st ever intelligent sardar.
Teacher: what do u call a person
who cannot hear anything?
sardar: u can call him anything,
because he cannot hear anything:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪⧪In bio practical:
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it's legs only?
Sardar:I don't know.
Examiner:You failed, what's your name?
Sardar:See my legs &⬐⬐⬐ tell my name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and you are the sim card
BOY:I m very happy. . .
Gal:dont b too happy. . .
If I get a new offer
I will change the sim card..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worlds smallest resignation letter?
Respected sir,
I love Ur wife.
Thank you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪⧪A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
Audience was in shock and silence..
He added: "she was my mother"
A big round of applause & laughter!
A very daring husbnd tried to crack this at home
After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker
by the time he gained his senses,
he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: don't copy if u can't paste!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭⧭A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.
Waiter: Oh! you can't get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ghalib ne girlfriend ko date per bulaya wo late aayi,
Girl: Am I late⬇⬇⬇
Ghalib:
Falak pey chand sitaron ko neend aarahi hai,
Doosri ka time ho gaya hai, tu ab aa rahi hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.
He asks, "How's the situation?"
He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.
They said, "It's fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,
last one was a duck!
The best feature of iPhone 6 is
that if you hold it upside down
it becomes iPhone 9.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬈⬈Our friendship means a lot to me.
U cry i cry.
U laugh i laugh.
U jump out of the window
I look down & then
.
.
.
I laugh again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭⧭Sardar to doctor:
When I sleep, monkeys
play football in my dreams.
Dr:No problem,
just take this medicine b4 sleep.
Sardar: Kal se khaonga aaj final hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardarji's boy asked his dad:
What is a grownup joke?
Sardar ji replied:
any joke which is eighteen years old
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband's coat from 20 meters,
but can't see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . . :-D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Misuse of English!
A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So da Teacher Drew The Diagram On Da Blackboard
&
said:
"Dont Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure":D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬈Sardar english k paper main fail ho gaya,
He did translation:
1.Main aam admi nahi hon
I'm not a mango man
2.Sarda or garma fruit hain.
Colda & hota r fruits
3.Mujhey bhi english ati hay
English comes 2 me also
4.do ro do chaar.
give and give four.
5.Mera taluk hari pur hazara se hay
I belong 2 green pur thousanda:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.
🔻🔻READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE.
On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.
A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.
Old man advised
"DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK othrwise YOU'll face problem"
Man finished the book with great fear but didnt open the last page.
.
.
.
But,after a week,
Out of curiousity he opend the last page and..
he almost fainted to see..
.
.
.
Retail Price: Rs 30/-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardar had a child after 3 month of marriage.
He asked his wife ye 3 month k bad bacha kaise howa?
Wife replied:tumhari shadi ko kitna arsa hua?
sardar:3 months.
Wife: or meri shadi ko ?
Sardar: 3 months
Wife: or bacha kitne month k baad?
Sardar:3 month.
Wife: total kitne hue?
Sardar: oye 9 months & start dancing
Balle Balle;->
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free
🔝🔝After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply...
"Which Trip🔝🔝
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 friends,
"see" & "saw":
1 day "see" saw sea & "saw" didnt see sea.
"See" saw sea and jumped in sea.
"Saw" didnt see sea but jumped in sea.
"See" saw "saw" in sea & "saw" saw "see" in sea.
"See" "saw" both saw sea & both "saw" & "see" were happy to see Sea.
That is how to exercise your brain..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬇⬇Dil k zakham kisi ko dikha na sako ge,
Dil mein jo he kisi ko bata na sako ge,
Karoo ge jawani me jo girlfriend pe kharche,
Budhape tak udhar chuka na sako gay:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝Sardar 2 friend: Guess how many
coins I have in my pocket?
Friend:If I guess right, u give me 1?
Sardar:Oji, 🔝🔝I will give both of them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life has so much 2 teach us,1 famous Chinese poet said
"Sifgliyo chi chongloma cyona sung una sevol ping pinago ching"
Really touching na?
I almost cried...
What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
.
.
.
Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Train main 1 machar 1 chinese k sar pe baitha,
woh usko pakar k kha gaya!
Phir 1 machar memon pe baitha,
us ne pakar k chinese say pocha:
.
.
.
.
.
Khareedo gay?:D:D:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝🔝1 larki ki dua🔝🔝
Kasam se her larkay ko bhula dungi,
Sab hi ki tasveerain jala dungi,
Ek tum hi raho gay is dil main,
Balance dalwa do tumhe dua dungi,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is nothing without LOVE,
Love is emotion & Kiss is practical,
don't get emotional, yar just b practical
So STOP loving and START Kissing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Importance of thumb...
Children use it 4 chewing
Illiterate people use it 4 sign
Winners 4 victory
.
.
AND
.
.
My FANS use it 4 reading my messages
.
.
.
.
.
Oh....u toooo?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝irl: if u will try 2 kiss me, main shore macha dungi.
Boy:Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl: i know but formality to poori karni hi padegi..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u want to hear a dirty joke?
.
.
.
Are you sure?
.
.
.
Ok, here you go...
.
.
.
A white horse fell in the mud
⧬⧬A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didnt see her......
Tuesday and wednesday passed too.....
On thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the
Corner of one eye⧭⬈⬈⬈
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoslay saray azma baithay,
Hum zamanay k ghum utha baithay,
Jis ki chahat main umer bhar tarpay,
Us ki shadi ki biryani kha baithay:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A : u r Active
B : u r Best
C : u r Cute
D : u r my Dearest
E : u r Excelant
F : u r alwayz First
G : u r Great
Sorry cant lie till Z...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬇⬇Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nahi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bhi koi scene nahi hai,
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab say haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ladies hostel caught Fire
It took 1 hour to bring the Fire under control
& another 3 hrs 2 bring d Firemen
under control🔁🔁🔁
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happens when a lion roars thrice?
-
-
-
-
-
Think
-
-
-
-
-
Any guess?
-
-
-
-
-
Ok i will tell you..
-
-
-
-
-
Tom & jerry cartoon begins!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When u feel lonely and alone
& cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬆⬆Khuda ke Ghar say Kuch Gadhey farar hogaye
kuch to pakray gayai⬱⬱⬱
kuch hamare yaar hogaye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.
Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Malika plays roll of Draupadi,
Duryodhan will say pheli bhabhi ko sari to pehna,
hum to dekhen ye vastro mein kaisi lagti hai..?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab sey tumhain jana hai,
jab sey tumhain paaya hai,
har dua mein tera naam aaya hai,
Ta k poochhu rab say
.
.
.
.
ki yeh kaisa namoona banaya hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T🔝🔝his cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat,
keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,
20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aisi apni wife ho
aisi apni wife ho
5.5 jiski hight ho
jeans jiski tight ho
chehra jiska bright ho
waight main thori light ho
umer main diffrence slight ho
thori se woh quite ho
to mamorable her ek night ho
aisi apni wife ho
sarak per sub kaheen kia cute hey
bheer main sub kaheen pakistan ki paidaish h0
beauty multyply by twice ho
favorite color white ho
make up thora light ho
⬐⬐zulfain dynamite hoon
aankheen us ki jaisey sunny twilight ho
hoonton ko dekh ker lagey jaisey coke diet ho
jub sari pehan ker nikley to kia sight ho
aisa lagey jaisey swtizerland ki flight ho
aisi apni wife ho agar aisi apni wife ho tu kia haseen life ho..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl ask to moulvi! can i kiss a man?
moulvi says: astaghfirullah! astaghfirullah!
girl: can i kiss a boy?
moulvi: laahulawala quwata.........
girl: can i kiss u?
moulvi: Bismillahh bismillah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Us nay kaha kon ho Tum?
Main nay kaha Hasrat Tumari
Us nay kaha Taktey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Surat Tumhari
Us ne kaha kartey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Pooja Tumhari
Us nay kaha Kaafir ho kya?
Main nay kaha aisa hi sahi
Us nay kaha chatey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Mohabbat Tumhari
Us nay kaha Pachtaoge,
Main nay kaha KismatHamari
Us nay Kaha Married hoon mai.
Main nay kaha Sorry BAJI
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪⧪A scientist cannot b a president,but kalam did it.
A conductor cannot b a superstar,but Rajini did it.
A monkey cannot operate mobile,
but u mere lal, mind blowing....
🔀🔀Aaj kuch ghabraaye se lagte ho,
Thand se kuch kap-kapaaye se lagte ho,
Nikhar kar aayi hai soorat aapki,
BAHUT DINO🔝🔝 KE BAAD NAHAAYE SE LAGTE HO..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once, Boss, Officer & Clerk going 4 a meeting.
They saw a Jin.
Jin said: As i fulfill 3 wishes at a time
But u r 3 persons so i will fulfill 1 wish for each.
Clerk said: Send me to America with a lot of money clerk disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Officer said: Send me to Paris with a lot of beautiful girls. officer disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Jin said to Boss: what is ur wish?
He said: "I want these two idiots back at office after lunch."
Moral: Always Let the BOSS SPEAK 1st
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Imagine world without girls
roads sunsan markets viran
na janu na jan
na koi girl friend k liye preshan
bas namaz & quran
&
sarey larke direct jannat ul maqam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪⧪Once an old man was waiting for a train, sitting on a bench.
A young boy came to him and asked the time.
Old man refused to tell the time.
Boy insisted again & again but old man denied again & again.
Boy asked the reason?
Old man said if i tell you the time,
then you will ask about me,my name,job etc.
Then i will ask about you,both of us will be frank.
By chance you may get the seat with me.
Then you may get down at my station.
My daughter will come to receive me.
She will meet you. She is beautiful.
You may fall in love ⭂⭂with her,she too.
Then she may insist to marry u, even may threaten me.
And i am sorry that
I dont want such a poor son in law
⧪⧪who hasn't his own watch to see the time. ;-) :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worlds shortest jokes:
1) 2 Women r sitting quiet.
2) 2 Sardars r playing chess.
3) ⬆⬆GirlFriend pays the bill...!!!
Need more???
U r beautiful.:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr.Bean Science
.
Major Rohail:
I was stuck in ELEVATOR for 3 hrs
Due to electric failure
Mr.Bean:
Ya me too
I was stuck on ESCALATOR for 5 hrs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
u r...
A B C D E F G H I J K L
A=Aachhe
B=Briliant
C=Cool
D=Dashing
E=Emotional
F=Fantastic
G=Great
H=Hot
I=Intelligent
&
JKL=Joke Kaisa Laga.
🔀A ship was sinking.
Captain: Does any one know how to pray?
A priest comes forward and says he can pray.
Captain: Ok priest, you pray;
Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket
as we are one jacket short.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝TERROR JOKE -
What will happen
if u throw an AMPLIFIER into the sea?
TSUNAMI will be created
since an amplifier converts
small waves into ⬈bigger wave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 points that prove you are a normal student
1:unnecessary talk on phone and messages
2:Plan each day to study but end of the day KAL SAY PAKA
3:you have all the data but you work before the dead line
4:right now you are thinking of forwarding this message to your friends
5:on each point you smile because it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I open my eyes every morning
I pray to God that everyone should
have a friend like you....
Why should only i suffer!!! ha ha ha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl:How much do you love me?
Boy:My heart is a mobile and you are its SIM
Girl:Ooh God.. I am soo lucky..
.
.
.
.
.
.
She doesn't know that my mobile is dual sim :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H⬆i i am marrying next week
there will be a small party and
only few persons will be invited
Hey don't bring any gift
just bring SOMEONE to marry me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔀Someday you may lose your hair.
you may lose your teeth- oyur money & even lose your mind.
But 1 thing you will never loose is oyur good looks.
🔀because you cant lose what you don't have!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: Will U marry , after I die.
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will U marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.
Teacher says to student, In Algebra
A=B
&
B=C.
It means A=C.
Now give relevant example.
Student: Sir, I love you & You love your daughter,
It means that I love your daughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭⧭Future plans of childrens:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Adnan: I want 2 b a pilot.
Wakeel: I want 2 b a doctor.
Bina: I want 2 b a good mother.
Shariq : I want 2 help⬐⬐ Bina.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝I always think about U.
I can't live without U.
I really need U.
I'm totally mad about U.
I just wanna be with U.
I'm very desperate for U.
I'm crazy 4 U.
I wanna marry U🔝🔝🔝🔝.
I LOVE U.
That's all what my mama say to me:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪If:-
R u emotionally dumbed
Creatively challenged?
Artistically void?
Socially hopeless?
And financially desperate?
Congrats you are a
PAKISTANI🔀🔀🔀🔀
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choose four
Select three
Love two
And
Marry one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪On Ur Single Smile Thousands People Die So
Keep Smiling n
Reduce Population Of PAKISTAN
But.
Never Smile In Front Of Da Mirror
Warna
🔝Lene K Dene Par Jayen Gay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aik Pagal: "Mujhe Katrina ne shadi k lye haan bol di hai"
Doosra: "Dikha di na usne apni auqat.
Main bhi itni asani se tallaaq nahi dunga." :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a girl's speaking 2 a boy........
u r very handsome.
u r very cute.
u r very sweet.
ooph.......sorry.
i can't call u sweet....
because ants will finish u.
UNIVERSAL TRUTH :
⬆When girls wear tight fittings,
Neither they are
Comfortable
Nor
Boys are comfortable⧬⧬⧬. !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6⬇ things can come at any time:
1.love
2.friendship
3.money
4.death
5.illness
-
-
-
6.susu: isliye karke sona .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝An Aeroplane asks a Rocket
How is that you can fly so fast?
The Rocket replies you will know the pain
⬈when they put fire at your back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dabbay main dabba dabay main khargosh,
Uncle nay aankh mari aunty bay-hosh...;):D:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card,
it says,"To the only boy I ever loved!"
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⭂Y do couples hold hands during their wedding?
Its a formality just like two boxers
shaking hands before the fight begins!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How will a rat purpose a cat...??
?
..??
?
"Billo Rani Kaho Tou Abhi Jaan De Doon..
O Billo Rani..!!;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can u dance?
?
?
?
No!
.
.
.
Sure
.
.
.
Just try it
.
.
.
Sure u cant
.
.
.
That means u r pappu!!!
.
.
.
Because pappu cant dance ..
🔝Sumeone Kills AMIR'S GF
& He Loses His Memory.
Than He Tries To Find out D Killer.
Suspense:AMIR Himself Is D Killer.
Now Enjoy 🔀Watchng GHAJINI :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: what is meant by
"I MISS YOU"
.
.
.
.
Pathan: Is ka matlab hai
"Mein tumhari miss hon!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝Life while doing m.b.b.s
1sr yr: yahoo i'm in Medical college
2nd yr: kahan phans Gaya? Help me
3rd yd: severe Migraine, sometimes Pagalpan bhi
4th yr: aah soon it'll b over
5th yr: finaly it'll b over
House job: i did it
Job : i love myself
W8 a min !
Something is missing
.
.
.
.
Ohhh !!! Meri "jawani":(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If u have 1 father, call me.
If u have 2 fathers, sms me.
If u have 3 fathers, miss call me.
If i m your father, just ignore this message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus
with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
🔝Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝A Solid reason for having 2 girlfriends at one time:
Monopoly is always damaging
&
Competition improves service!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Send me SMS on these time
Morning
6am To 12pm
Noon
12pm To 4pm
Evening
4pm To 8pm
Night
8pm To 6am
Baki Time Tang Mat Karna
Kam Karna Hota Hai :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains.
So what do the rest have?
.
They have girl friends:p
Graduation Speech:
I Would Like To Thank,
The Internet, Google, Wikipedia,
Microsoft 0ffice And
Copy Paste. . . !! =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wonderful confession by a girl in church and amazing reply she got
🔝She:i m in love with a boy who is far away from me
I m in india and he lives in uk
🔝We met on marriage website
Became friends on fb
Had long chats on whatsapp
Proposed each other on skype
N now 2 months of relationship through viber
I need ur blessings and good wish oh god
Guy besides her said: now get married on twitter
Have fun on tango
Buy your kids from ebay
Send them through gmail
And if u r fed up with ur husband or kids toh unko OLX pe bech de
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
jeevan me paise, pyaar, dost,
sab kuch aata hai jaata hai,
par tode gaye daant phir nhi aate,
samajhdar ho ummeed hai msg bhejte rahoge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝A love letter from biscuit maker:
Dear marie, today is good day,
u r anmol for me...
but u have crack jacked my heart,
bcoz i have a little heart,
now i m in 50/50 position...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a man is allowed to select a girl
from 90 girls
and
Even if most beautiful is picked,
🔝There's still the pain of losing
the remaining EIGHTY NINE....:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝My Girlfriend Told Me
If I Bought Her One More Stupid Gift
She Would Burn It
So I Bought her A Candle :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What does ILU means?
I= I
L= Love
U=Urdu
so I love urdu...
tum kya samjhey they...
I love ullu..
to haan mein tum say bhi pyar karta hoon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝Americans make a car
& 2 get some touch ups
They snd it 2 Japan
& they add a faster engine
Thn Japan sent it 2 UK
Who then added tinted windows
Who thn sent d car to China.
They added a better interior.
Thn they sent it 2 Pakistan.
Pakistani luk @ d car & see
What a good job all of them have done.
So they flip the car over
&
Put a stamp on MADE IN PAKISTAN
I= I
L= Love
U=Urdu
so I love urdu...
tum kya samjhey they...
I love ullu..
to haan mein tum say bhi pyar karta hoon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭Americans make a car
& 2 get some touch ups
They snd it 2 Japan
& they add a faster engine
Thn Japan sent it 2 UK
Who then added tinted windows
Who thn sent d car to China.
They added a better interior.
Thn they sent it 2 Pakistan.
Pakistani luk @ d car & see
What a good job all of them have done.
So they flip the car over
&
Put a stamp on 🔝MADE IN PAKISTAN
I wrote your name on sand,
it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,
it was blown away.
I wrote your name on my heart &
i got Heart Attack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I'm only a cartoonist!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father to son:
whenever i beat you,
you dont get annoyed,
how you control your anger?
son: i start cleaning the toilet
seat with your toothbrush
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In art gallery couple sees
picture of a girl covered by leaf.
Husband keeps watching.
Wife: ab chalo gay ya PAT JHARR
ka intezar kertay raho gay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Arshad, name one important thing
we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Arshad: Me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between
a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tom : How should I convey the
news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram:
Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received an unknown call..
Girl : hello do you have a gf??
Man : no, who are you darling?
Girl : M ur girl friend Diana, hate u
Again man got a call
Girl : do u have a gf??
Man : yes darling
Girl : m ur wife Alice, hate u
Man : oh sorry honey i didn't recognise u
Girl : m Diana i knew it that u have a wife, Hate u liar...
Man : wtf.....
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems,
subtraction of money,
multiplication of enemies
&
division of friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl: When we get married,
I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you,
darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband: You know,
our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did ,
I still got mine with me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girlfriend: And are you sure
you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure!
I checked the whole list again yesterday
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was born
Devil said...Oh Shit
Another GOOD PERSON...
&
When u were born devil said ...
Oh Shit!!!!Competition...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Full form of maths
M=mentally
A=admited
T=teacher
H=harassing
S=students
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have a horrible day without water in ur bathroom,
while soap in ur eyes.
Oh!sorry, dis msg is not 4 u.
Its only 4 those who do not take bath everyday...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If ur world is spinning around
and
ur heart is beating fast..
Do u think its love?
?
?
?
Na Munna Na
it's called High Blood Pressure:p.
Man:Doctor ! My Son has swallowed a key.
Doctor: When ?
Man:Three Months Ago
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Man: We were using duplicate key
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SANTA went to court
JUDGE:
"Order ! Order !"
SANTA:
"1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"
JUDGE:
"Shut Up !"
SANTA:"No,No..7-Up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After an accident,
A v.angry driver: I showed u d headlights
& told u 2 go by side.
Santa: I also started d wipers
& said No, no..No no. :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
''The POLITE Way to PEE!"
Teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students this question:
Michael if u were on a date having diner with a nice young lady, how wud u tell her that u hav to go to the bathroom?
Michael, "Just a min i hav to go pee".
Teacher: That would be rude & impolite. How about u SAM. Sam said "i realy need 2 go 2 toilet, i m sory". Teacher, "thats beter but stil not nice to say word toilet. Oh u little Jonny can u use ur brain?
JONNY said,
"Darling,may i plz b excused for a moment?I've 2 shake hands with a very dear frnd of mine, whom i hope 2 introduce 2 u after diner" :-p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who let you get on the horse
You witch's child?
.
.
.
.
Can't understand?
.
.
.
.
.
Tenu ghori kinnay charhaya bhootni k...:p:d
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Are Elephants
Large, Gray And
Wrinkly... ?
.
.
.
.
Because
.
.
.
If They Were
Small Round & White
They Would Be
''Aspirins.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attitude of girls:
When a boy sends dirty sms
she laughs for 10 minutes,
forward dat to her friends n
then replies the boy.
"i dont like that kind of sms ok?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What will Himesh say to magnify a picture..?
?
Zara Zoom Zoom..
If a boy gives a love letter 2 a gal, people call him "Loffer"
But if a gal gives a letter 2 a boy, they call it "Offer".
Feel the difference;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buyer to seller : is it pure honey ?
How do I know if it is pure honey ?
Seller : give the dog some honey ..
if the dog doesn't lick it, it is pure honey
Buyer :what if the dog licks it ?
Seller: so it is not a real dog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man standing on the scale,
holding his stomach in.
Wife:I do not think that is going to help.
Man:Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soldier:Sir, we are surrounded!
Major:Excellent!
We can attack in any direction now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man sees a fat man
sitting in a train cabin.
Taunting, he asks:
Is this cabin for elephants only!
Fat man humbly replies:
No!Even monkeys like you can sit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.
Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Businessman explaining the reason for having 2 wives
"Monopoly is always damaging
&
Competition improves service".
7 Angels came 2 Me
&
asked 4 the most Inteligent,
Smart, Nice, Sweet,
Noble and Well Groomed Person.
So I gave Them Your Address
.
.
.
.
..
Dekha kesa Ullu banaya Un ko!:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We will now upgrade your brain,
please wait....
Searching....
searching...
still searching....
Sorry,
NO BRAIN found...!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old rich man marries a young girl.
Interviewer ask to girl-
aap nay in main shadi ke liye kya dekha?
girl- ek to inki income, aur doosre inke din kam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flowers die,
Stories end,
Songs fade,
Memories are forgotten,
All things come 2 end,
But people like u r remembered forever,
Bcoz GHOSTS NEVER DIE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought of the day:
"if u help a gal when she is in problem,
she will always remember u
only when she is in problem again..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want.
On my last job, every time anything went wrong,
they said I was responsible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
143 means?
Do u want to know
what it means?
Press Down..
.
It means
ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY THREE.
Tomorrow I will teach u 144.
A very old lady teacher of English
ask this question with the class:
When I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?
One pupil answered: Its the past tense of course.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He said... Do u love me just coz
my father left me a fortune?
She said... No stupid, I'd love u no matter
who left you the money!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 day u'll B srprisd 2 c ME beside U.
U & ME laughing,
U & ME crying,
U & ME dreaming,
U & ME holding on,
U & ME...
just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are a DOG...
D = Darling
O = Of
G = Girls
Now u r smiling na?
Am i right??
Tu sach mein kutta hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lord, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My boss asked me today
which one of us was the stupid one.
I told him everyone knows that
YOU don’t hire stupid people
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Major Rohail:
Dude EGGS are extra salty today
Tooo much Salt..why?
.
.
Waiter:
Sir hen is suffring from high blood
Pressure
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy goes to see a dance.
His mom angrily asks him:
Did u see anything there that
u were not supposed to see?
Boy: yes, I saw dad!
Boy:I love u
Girl:Me too
Boy:Tum mujhe kitna pyar karti ho?
Girl:Jitna tum mujhe karte ho
Boy: U cheater..
main samjha tum waqai mujh se pyar karti ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What was GOD's First Reaction
when he made a Negro(African)?
Socho...
Dont know..
Oh! shit jal gaya!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lovers sitting in a park,
boy tries to kiss the girl..
Girl says No dear not all this before marriage..
Boy: Dont worry darling I am already married
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher. Bachon wada kro cigrett shrab nahi pioge.
bachey:nahi pienge.
Teacher:larkio ka pecha nahi karoge
bachey:nahi karnge
Teacher:un pr awazen nahi kaso ge.
bachey: nahi kasenge.
Teacher: apni zindagi watan pr qurban karoge.
bachey: karenge,asi zindgi ka karna bhi kia he.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is BUSINESS ?
Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: then Ok.
Dad goes o Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Than ok
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.
Dad:Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President:No
Dad:He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK
That's business...!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy 2 God:
Give me a pocket full of money,
A job & a big vehicle full of girls.
God replied:your wish is fullfilled
&
He became a bus conductor of karachi university point.:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man1 sitting with dog.
Man2:Your dog bits?
Man1:No
Man 2 sits and the dog bits!
Man2 angrily, you said he does not bit!
Man:That is not my dog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why were males created before females?
Because you alwas need
a rough draft before the final copy.
A lawyer saw an auto accident on street.
He rushed over and started handing out
business cards saying:
I saw the whole thing..
I will take either side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The devils challenged
the angels to a game of cricket.
We have got all the cricketers, said the Angels.
Devils:No problem,
we have got all the umpires.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss:I will give you Rs.25 an hour starting today
and in 3 months, I will raise it to Rs.50 an hour.
When do you want to start?
New employee:In 3 months.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Looking for a Bank
which can perform Two things for me.
Give me a Loan,
&
then Leave me Alone :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boss was telling an applicant the two main rules of the company
He said, "Our 2nd main rule is cleanliness.
Did you wipe your feet on the mat before coming in?"
The applicant replied, "Yes sir! I did."
Then the boss said,
"Our 1st main rule is trustworthiness.
.
.
.
There was no mat!" :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once in a soap industry in Japan,
the soap cover was mistakenly packed without soap in it i.e an empty cover.
To avoid the problem in future they purchased X-Ray machine of 60 thousand dollars
to check in the assembly line that
whether soap is packed in the cover or not in.
Same problem occurred in Pakistan.
What did they do??
They simply put a pedestal fan beside the assembly line.
Empty boxes were flown away! :-D
Genius Nation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: Johny,
if your father earned $100,000
and gave half of it to your mother,
what would she have?
Little johny: A heart a attack!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Papa: whom do u like more mama or papa
kid: both
Papa: no tell me 1.
Kid: both
Papa: if i go america & ur mother go to paris. Where u go?
Kid: paris
Papa: this mean u like ur mother?
Kid: no.
Paris is beautiful then america
Papa: if i go paris & ur mother go america so where u go
Kid: america
Papa: why kid: bcuz i havent been there before . .
Papa: Ullu da Pattha.. ;-p
when sum1 touches u
&
u don't feel it,
its IGNORANCE.
When sum1 touches u
&
u feel it, its LOVE.
but when nobody touches
u but u feel it, then its KHUJLI....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Astronomers say
"The universe is Finite..."
Which is a comforting
Thought
For those people ,
Who cannot remember
Where they leave Things
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends I'm Collecting
Quaids Photos
Give Ur Contribution
2 My Collection.
A Small Condition Is
It Must Be On
500 Or 1000 Rupees Note
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Did Lady Throw Out Her Mother-In-Law?
Because
Baba Ramdev (Yoga walay) Said
"Apni Saans Ko Bahar Nikalo..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Commerce professor asks the student:
what is the most important source
of finance for starting business?
Student: "Father in law".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three ants find an elephant asleep.
One says,"We'll kill him!"
Other one says,"We'll break his legs!"
3rd one says:
"choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy asked a girl in a library; “Do you mind if I sit beside you"?
The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH YOUUU!!!”.
All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the
girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him
"I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"
The guy responded with a
loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!"
.
.
.
and all the people in the
library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears;
"I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Qualities a friend must have:
Cute as crocodile.
Smart as donkey.
Active as turtle.
Fit as hippo.
Matured as monkey.
Sincerity like dog.
No doubt you are my good friend
Customer : How much is that banana for?
Salesperson : Rs.10
Customer : Can you sell it to me for Rs.6?
Salesperson : At that rate, you will only get the banana peel!
Customer : Okay I will buy the banana for Rs.4 , but you can keep the peel!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doc 2 Patient :
The check which u gave me has returned back.
Patient 2 Doc:The head-ache for which
you gave me medicine has also returned back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was dying of cancer.
His son asked him:
dad why do you keep on telling
everyone that your dying of AIDS.
He replied:
"So that when i die no 1 will touch ur mom"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Smile costs less than Electricity.
But.....
Gives more light !!
So Always Keep Smiling..... &
Prove that u're the Best TubeLight !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who was d 1st indian crickter
2 Bcum captain in his 1st mtch,
score century in d same mtch &
hit a 6 of d last ball 2 defeat england?
AAMIR KHAN in LAGAAN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2day i have not sent Sms 2 anybody Except U.
2day i have not thought about anybody Except U.
Because my policy is?
one day one fool.....!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If dentists make films,?the names will be -
*Daant ho na ho
*Jaanam brush karo
*Aa ab clean karen
*Kabhi teeth kabhi gum
*Humara daant aapke paas hai!:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you need advice,
text me...
If you need a friend,
call me...
If you need me,
come to me...
But
If you need money.
.
.
THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!
Think positive
Look at the world as 1 huge chocolate cake.
It would not be complete without
a few sweets & nuts.
Sweets like me & nuts like you!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes wen i cry no 1 c my tears,
wen i m woried no 1 c my pain,
wen i m happy no 1 c my smile
lekin...
sala. 1 ladki k saath ghoomay
to sab dekh lete hai..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am a killer!
i kill poople for money,
i am a killer! i kill people for money,
but ur my friend, so i will kill u for free of cost.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lab pe ati hai Dua ban k tamanna meri,
Dil karta he band krwa doon sim tere,
Dor duniya ka tere DAM se ujala hojaye,
Jo mjhe sms na kare Uska range kala HOjaye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil diya tha MOHABBT ki nishani samajh kar,
Wo kha gaya use BIRYANI samajh kar.
Khoon-e-jiger B na chora zalim ne,
Wo B pi gaya LIMON PANI samajh kar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy came running in the kitchen,
Boy:Dad, There is an ugly monster at the door
Dad(Looking at his wife):
Tell him we have already got one!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab se begum ne mujhe murgha bana rakha hai,
Main ne nazron ki tarhan sir bhi jhuka rakha hai,
Bartano aaj mere sir pe baraste kion ho ?
Mein ne dho dha k tumhain kitna saja rakha hai,
Roz leti he talashi wo police ki manind,
Pochti he kahan paison ko chupa rakha hai,
Wahi duniya main muqaddar ka sikandar tehra,
Jis ne khud ko yahan shadi se bacha rakha hai,
Pi ja is maar ki talkhi ko bhi has k shohar,
Mar khane mein bhi qudrat ne maza rakha hai..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy U r d Sunshine
Of My Life !
Without U Life's Like A
Dreamy Cloud !
U r In My Heart Like A
Lovely Drizzle In d Sun !
Girl: Now Go Further
I've 2 Listen More
Weather Report :p
When a girl falls down
She is helped by so
Many people
But
When a boy falls down
Everybody laughs
When a girl licks
Her lips
She is thirsty
When boy licks
His lips
He is tharki
When a girl smiles
She is considered cute
When a boy smiles
He is flirt
Still people say
This is men's world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor,
I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars,
but it's state of the art. It's perfect.
Really, answered the neighbor .
What kind is it?
MAN:Twelve thirty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER:
what is the different between
problem and challenge????
STUDENT:3boys+1girl=problem
1boy+3girls=challenge..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A perfect girl
Doesn't bother,
Doesn't shout,
Doesn't flirt with others,
Doesn't lies,
Doesn't cheat,
.
.
.
And
.
.
Doesn't exists :p
Clappinggg!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you have 10 chocolate cakes
and
someone asks for 2,
How many do u have left?
Me: 10
Teacher: Ok, Well what if somebody forcibly takes 2 of the cakes,
how many would u have left then ?
Me: 10 and a dead body.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Statistics show that 1% of women in the world,
are on medication for mental illness
.
.
.
.
.
So beware!
99% are running around
without proper medication!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Repeat these lines at least 2 hours
everyday after Namaz outside the mosque
& u will b a millionare within few Months.
"Allah k naam par dey de baba"
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor:
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use d bucket bcoz its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now will u plz proceed to bed no.39.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What A Mystery
A cockraoch is afraid of Rat,
Rat is afraid of Cat,
Cat is afraid of Dog,
Dog is afraid of Man,
Man is afraid of Woman,
And Woman is afraid of
.
.
.
.
.
.
Cockraoch!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In heaven together we were in a big hall.
An Angel told us to write our sins before going in,
but before l could start writing any thing
l heard you caling for ''EXTRA SHEET''.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maths teacher asked JOHNY
"If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA,
3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then wat will u get ?
JOHNY replied "Sir! 3 new girl friends".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
when wordz fail eyz works
when eyz fail heart works
when heart fails to kia ???
.
.
.
.
samajh le tapak gaya;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men are like Bluetooth:
He is connected to you when you are nearby,
but searches for other devices when you are away..
Women are like Wi-Fi:
She sees all available devices
but connects to the strongest one...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get
up and does not stop until u get into the office...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Can SEE 'TEA' in A TEA-CUP
Can you SEE the WORLD in WORLD-CUP?
I can SING on Any STAGE
Can you SING in COMA-STAGE?
I can FIX my PASSPORT Size PHOTO in My PASSPORT
Can you FIX Your STAMP Size PHOTO in a STAMP?
I Can SEND My ADDRESS to Your MOBILE
Can You SEND Your MOBILE to my ADDRESS?
TRY ALL THIS........ ....
Atleast DO the LAST ONE.
Apple = Vitamins
Vitamins = Power
Power = Work
Work = Money
Money = Girl Friend
Girl Friend = Tension
Tension = Heart Attack
Heart Attack = Death
Problems an apple can make
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man's feeling
.
.
.
It feels like a mini heart attack
when i dont find my mobile in my pocket
&
Its almost like heart fail
when i see it in my girlfriend's hand !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Khofnaak andheri raat k sannatay main
ek bhoot dosray bhoot ko samjhra raha tha:
bhai ghabra mat, ye sub tere dimagh ka waham hai,
pathan wathan kuch nahin hote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apple = vitamins
Vitamins = power
Power = work
Work = money
Money = girlfriend
Girlfriend = tension
Tension = heart attack
Heart attack = death
See what all problems an apple can make:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is like a MOVIE...
If u r sad - DRAMA
If u r afraid - SUSPENSE
If u r angry - ACTION
When u look at the mirror - HORROR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pakistani man goes for fishing, catches a big fish.
Comes home and askks his wife to cookthe fish.
Wife says she can't as there is no gas, no electricity,
no atta(floor) and no cooking oil to fry it in.
Man goes and puts the fish back in the river.
Fish comes up to the surface and shouts
"Pakistan Zindabad"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A student was asked 2 write
a signboard 4 the traffic rules
near da college campus
He wrote:-
"Drive Carefully!
Don't kill the students,
wait for the Teachers"
In pakistan survey was done:
How many girls want to meet with Saquib
Survey repot
5% says yes
0% says no
95% says kuhawab maat dikhao
Humari aise kismat kaha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : Which is more important to us,
the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night
when we need it but the sun gives us light
only in the day time when we dont need it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I send you this fish
as a sign of our
FRIENDSHIP please
take care of it, Keep it
in your mobile.
Daily put your mobile in water,
So dat this fish wont die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bachiyon k chakker me larke jate lutt,
Or khatey hain un k bhaiyon se wo kutt...
iss waja se larke larkiyon ko chor detay hain,
Moqa mil tey hi un k bhaiyon ko phor dete hain..
Na kare makeup to un se banda dar jata hay,
Karti hain itna makeup k weight barh jata hay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Manager:
Sorry, but I can't give you a job.
I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right.
In fact I'm just the right person in this case.
You will see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 Pathan Bap Ki Death Par Bohat Roya
Phir Uski Behan Ka phone Aya,
Pathan Or B ziada Rone Laga.
Logon Ne Pucha,kya hua?
Pathan: Meri Bahan K Abu Ka B Intiqal Ho Gya
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U look sweet when u read my message.
U look sweeter when u read my message & smile.
U look sweetest when u read my message, smile & reply.
So, try to look sweetest.
kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien bhi akhir apna hi khoon tha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moral of the movie Ghajini...
Whenever going to meet your girlfriend
Make sure u have your cell phone..
n
when u r in deep trouble
keep your cell phone silent...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rule of boys:
Phulo ki mahak ko churaya nahi jata,
suraj ki kirno ko chupaya nahi jata,
kitni bhi soni ho girlfrnd apni,
dusro ki girlfrnd ko bhulaya nahi jata..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pathan said to his friend:
"mujhy smajh nahi aati k log
maheena maheena kaisy nhi nahatay?
Mujhy to 28vein din kharish hona shuru ho jati hai".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Think Big.
Think Positive.
Think Smart.
Think Beautiful.
Think Great.
I know, that is too much for u,
so here is a shortcut.
JUST THINK ABOUT ME!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa sing ka 20 saal bad bacha hua.
Wo udas ho gaya.
Banta : Yaar udas kion ho?
Santa : 20 sal baad bacha huwa wo bhi itna sa.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Memon on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I'm here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Memon:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New style of proposing a girl:
I have spent many sleepless nights in ur love,
&
I don't want my son to do the same 4 your daughter,
So lets make them brother & sister.
Hi,
Doing nothing?
Then make a place,
4 Me in ur heart!!
I may come there any time!
Urs faithfully,
Heart Attack
This is my head.....
1 Star2 S
.
.
.
.
.
Itni dair dabanay k liyay thanks.
I am feeling much better now:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roses r red,
violets r blue,
monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Dont get angry,
you will find me there too,
not in the cage but laughing at you.
:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 smile = 1 friendship
1 friendship = 1 love
1 love = 1 proposal
1 proposal = 1 marriage
And 1 marriage = THOUSANDS of problem.
so better think before you smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇖Once a husband and wife
were preparing to go office
and the wife thought⇖
she would drive today for the office.
Wife : Chalo na car me kahin ghumne
chalte hai, aur car me drive karungi!
Huband : Agar tum car drive karogi to
jayenge car mein, aayenge akhbaar mein
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇖Once there was a mirror which used to kill "LIERS"
FRENCH:I think I don't smoke (killed)
AMERICAN:I think, I love Iraq(killed)
PATHAN:I think⇴killed⇖
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Girls Live Longer Than Boys?
.
.
.
.
Scientific Studies Have Proved That
.
.
.
"SHOPPING"
Never Causes HEART ATTACKS, But,
.
"PAYING The "BILLS" Does
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Line for advice. . !
I Always Learn
From The Mistake Of Others
Who Take My Advice:p
A Grammar Freak Girl To Her Boyfriend
" You Are As Useless As.
.
.
.
.
.
.
''AY'' In ''OKAY'' :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15 years back
Parents wanted their girl
to get married to a good boy
Now-A-Days
⇖Parents wants their boy
to get married to a good girl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
World most never be late message ever
⇖I will be there in 5 minutes.
If not, read this again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇪⇖No matter how old you are,
if a little kid shoots you with
a toy gun, you pretend to die.
- All you need is love,
or a gun, a shovel & a place to
hide the body.
- it's very important in life
to learn 'shift+delete'.
Some people aren't worth
recycling, Trust me!
- we always fall in love with
the most unexpected person
- necessity is the mother of
invention, girlfriend is the mother
of necessities..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Examples of stupid questions people ask..
1. When people c u lying down, wid ur eyes closd dy still ask:- r u sleepin?
2. When it's rainin & some1 notices u goin out, dy ask: - r u going out in dis rain?
3. Ur friend calls ur home fone:- where r u?
4. Dey see u wet comin 4m de bathroom:- did u just hav a bath?
5. U r standin rite in front of de elevator on the ground floor & dey ask:- goin up?
6. U bring a bunch of flowers 4 ur sweet heart. & dey ask:- r dose fl.wers?
7. U'r on the queue 2 buy tickets de cinema, a friend saw u & ask:- wat r u doin here?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Have Saved My Girl Friend Number As "LOW BATTERY"
So Whenever She Calls & I Am Not Around
My Wife Plugs My Phone To The Charger :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If Money Ever Grew On Trees
Girl's Would'nt Mind Dating With Monkeys"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An unfaithful husband
Thinks of other women
When he sleeps with his wife.
A faithful husband thinks
Of his wife when he sleeps
With other women
5 Missed Calls From Your Mate,
You Missed A Bachelor Party Last Night.
5 Missed Calls From Your Best Friend,
They Want To Hang Out.
5 Missed Calls From Your Girlfriend,
She Wants To Talk.
5 Missed Calls From Your Mum,
YOU ARE SCREWED!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attachment Is Not When
Two People Chat Day & Night.
.
.
.
Its When Someone E-Mails U
And Adds An Image Or Data File With It.
That File Is Called Attachment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇖SHOPPING Is Always More Fun
When
You're Spending Someone Else's Money
Instead Of Your Own
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇪Unknown No.1
Hi,Do u have a boyfriend?
Girl:Yes.Who are you?
It's your dad, ⇴be home this weekend, and we will talk!
Unknown No.2
Hi do you have a boyfriend?
Girl:Not a chance,⇶who are you anyway?
It's your bf,sucks ⇿to know that you are not proud to be with me and be your bf:(
Girl:Sorry babe,I thought u r my dad, he texted me a while back asking the same question
Yes,it's me, your dad.⇿We'll have a long talk this weekend!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ma'am you were going faster than the speed limit
Please let me go, I am a teacher.
A Teacher? I have been waiting for this day for so long
Now write,"I will not overspeed" 1000 times.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus ..
Bus Conductor: The Older One Should Sit Here
Both Looked At Each Other
And The Seat Remained Empty :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇎Girlfriend: Baby,
I'm Pregnant.
What Do You Want⇗ It To Be?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boyfriend: A Joke.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In School Days,
Sahir Lodhi Was A Class Monitor!!
1 Day A New Teacher Asked Him.
"How Many Students R there In Ur Class???
He Replied:
"32 Girls, 44 Boys & Me'':-D
Diff B/W Commerce & Science Questions:
Commerce :
What Is Ur Name?
(10 Mrks)
Science:
What Is Ur Name & Its Origin?
Give Relations &Applied Aspects Along With It'S Logical Significance.
Also Explain With The Help Of Graph.
It'S Upper & Lower Limits.(1+1+1=3 Marks)
Banda Fail Nae Hoga To Kya Top Krega? =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interesting moments in our daily life:
⇘⇘Trying hard to find the mobile when it is in silent mode
A random day dream & then realizing that you were staring at someone by mistake
Restarting the song when you miss your most favorite line
Everything else becoming more interesting when its exam time
Enjoying the moment when someone interrupts the class for an important announcement
Shouting 'sirrrr⇫missss' when its 1o b4 break...
Life is fun when you take it as simple as it actually is
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All Girls Are Beautiful After The Lights Are Switched Off
(Shakespeare)
All Boys Are Innocent Before The Lights Are Switched Off
(Shakespeare'S Wife)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laws Which Newton Forgot To State
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change ur queue, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telefone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone u know increases when u r with sum1 u don't want to b seen with : P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are Two Ways To Rule a Girl / Women
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And nobody knows them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇍A Journey Of A Thousand
Miles ⇴Begins With A Single Step.
Then,
You Get In A Car
And Go To The Airport.
It Doesn't Take That Long :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunglasses:
Allowing You To Stare At
People Without Getting
Caught.
It's Like Facebook In Real Life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇚Lady On Fone
Hi Sir, I want To Meet & Talk To u.
U Are The father Of 1 Of My Kids.
⇖⇖⇖Man ⇬Stunnd,Omg⇫⇫⇫
R U Riya
No
Anu?
No
Pari?
No
Jasi?
No
Lady in confusion
⇖⇖No Sir I am The Class Teacher
Of Ur Son⇗⇗⇗
Boyfriend:Dont worry,Ill put it slowly,
Girlfriend:Push it in,
Boyfriend:Ah..I cant,
Girlfriend:Its painful,
Boyfriend:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What? is a difference between
a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?
A kiss is so dear,?
A car is too dear and
A monkey is U dear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji & his wife going to city in auto.
Driver adjusted miror.
Sardarji shouted you are seeing my wife.
Go & sit back. I will drive auto...:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
You should know what you are,
And once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: I havnt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didnt u exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody
2 exchange in the lower birth..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nobody teaches
Volcanoes to erupt,
Tsunamis to devastate,
Hurricanes to sway around
&
no one teaches
How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Examiner:y r u under tension?
Did u forget admit card,ID,or calculator?
studnt:No Sir!
By mistake i have brought tomorrow
exam's pharray (Cheating material) today:
You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having 1 child makes you a parent
but having 2 makes you a refree.
Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right
and the other is always husband.
You can't buy love
but you pay heavily for it.
Wife and husband always compromise,
husband admits that he's wrong and wife too agrees with him.
Our language is called the mother tongue
because the father never gets a chance to Speak.!:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl Fell Down from 80th floor,
A boy caught her on 65th floor and asked her...
will u hug me...?
She replied.., offcourse not...
he dropped her.
...........
she was caught on 30th floor by another boy....
He asked her, will u kiss me..?
no not at all, she replied
he dropped her too..
she prayed for last chance when a boy hold her on 5th floor.
she immediately said...
ok i will hug u and kiss u..
The boy dropped her and saying.
Astagfirullah !!
mera roza hai :P [ I am fasting ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: Marry Me..?
Girl: Do You Have A House...?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do You Have A Bmw Car...?
Boy: No..
Girl: How Much Is Your Salary..?
Boy: No Salary, But...
Girl: No But.You Have Nothing.
How Can I Marry You? Leave Please!!
Boy: (talking To Himself) I Have One Villa, 3 Property
Lands, 3 Ferrari ' S, And 3 Porsche's. Why Would I Need
To Have A Bmw ? How Could I Get A Salary When
I'm The Boss!
& The Girl Lost Her Chance =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Devils went to Court to Prove
that he is The Most,
Cruel & wicked Guy on Earth.
But he Failed, He Came Out Angrily & Asked,
Yaar ye ALTAF BHAI kon hai?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Style of break up:
Boy bought gift for His Girl friend-
GF:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket?
Boy: U wanted stars na?
Now sit on it and GET LOST:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Call A Girl Pretty
& She Will Remember It For
5 Minutes..!
Call A Girl Ugly
& She Will Remember It
Forever..!"
Marriage is like a public toilet
Those waiting outside are desperate to get in
&
Those inside are desperate to come out..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aftr engagemnt!
Girl:
Now stop looking at girls,u r commited now!
Boy:
Oho what do u mean,
if i m on diet,
that doesnt mean that i cant look at MENU .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
boy: how do i play the guitar??
girl: u should be on TV for ur talent
boy: am i so good??? :D :O
girl: if u were on TV,, i can atleast switch it off
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between
Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message
&
Donkey deletes this message.
Choice is urs........:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar darvaze pe GUN liye khara tha
Wife: y r u standing here?
Sardar: Sher k shikar pe ja raha hon
Wife: To jao na..!
Sardar: Kase jaon baher KUTTA khara hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
"U r my Best Wife?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WANTED SINGLE GIRL,
Able To Cook,
Love And Have Job,
Must Have
HOUSE & CAR.
Plz Send Picture 0f
HOUSE & CAR ... =P =D
A Question Asked In A Talent Test
If U R Married To One Of The Twin Sisters,
How Would You Recognize Your Wife?
The Answer Came:
"Why Should I ? :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
ik benam si mohabbat mere nam ker do,
ik subha ko milo aur shaam ker do,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kaam ker do:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
Ik benam si mohabbat mere naam kerdo,
Ik subha ko milo aur shaam kerdo,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kam kerdo,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Of The Best Quote,
Always have a
BACKUP
BEFORE
BREAKUP! :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.
1st Guy To Second-What Will We Do Now?
2nd Guy-U Marry My Sis,
I Will Marry Ur Sis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Belated Teachers' Day
Its A Humble Request
"80% Of Teachers r
Suffering From Throat
Pain By Teaching Students."
So Plz
.
.
.
.
BUNK d Classes As Much
As Possible
n
Save Our Teachers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catch her by her waist...
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a ...
...nice drink...PEPSI
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four guys
1 from Harward:
1 Oxford
1 Texas
&
a Sardar from Pujab university
1 common question:
What is the fastest thing in world?
Oxford:Light
Harvard:Thought
Texas:Blink of an eye
Sardar:Its loose motions,
because last night I was lying in my bed
& before I could blink,think or turn on the lights,
it was over!
A recently fired
stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce...
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Love b4 Marriage*
Janu...tum nahe to mei nahe,
mei nahe to tum nahe...
*Love after Marriage*
"baghairta"...Aj tu nahe ya me nahe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SILENCE
Is d best Answer
for all questions
SMILE
Is d best Reaction
in all situations
Unfortunately
BOTH Never Help In
any EXAM, VIVA, REVIEW & INTERVIEW :P:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Night If Mosquito Bites,
What Should We Do.?
?
Just Scratch N Sleep Again
We R Not Rajnikant
2 Make The Mosquito Say Sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q- a parrots sits on an elephant and the elephant died!!
Prove how is this possible
.
.
.
Physics student:
assume that elephants name is parrot
&
parrots name is elephant:d:p:)
physics can prove anything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teri yaad dil se jane nahi denge,
Tere jesa dost khone bhi nahi denge,
Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo warna,
Ek kaan k niche denge or rone bhi nahie denge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Log ishq kartay hain baray shor kay sath,
Humne bhi kia bare zor kay sath,
Lakin ab karain gay thoray ghor kay sath,
Kyunke kal usay dekha kisi aur kay sath.
Sardar selected a short girl to marry.
Why?
Because guru ji told him
Musibat jitni choti ho utna acha hai .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taste this SMS
Did u feel da taste of ginger?
No?
Sure?
Well.....
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Impact of Movies:
Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student:- He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newtons Universal Law Of Love:
Every boy on earth is attracted towards a girl
with a force directly proportional to the figure of the girl
and
Inversely proportional to strength of her brother..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a Party A Handsome guy askd a gal,"r u going 2 dance?"
She felt so happy & said-"yes"
& d guy said-"dats gud,so can i hav ur chair?" :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: I Love You..?
Girl: Hahahahaha
Boy: I Won't Live Without You..?
Girl: Hahahahahahaha
...
Boy: I Will Die For You..?
Girl: Hahahahahahahaha
Boy: I Will Gift You A Gold Ring With Diamond..?
Girl: Awwwww.. Promise ?
.
.
.
Boy: Hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U are a BITCH
Beautiful
Intelligent
Talented
Cute
Hilarious
r u smiling now?
?
?
?
*YOU ARE REALLY BITCH
A person who surrenders when he's WRONG,
is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND.!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yash Johar is producing a new film
& is searching 4 new talent.
I've suggested ur name.
Pls go & meet him.
The movie's name is "AQAL HO NA HO"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kion har bar mosam ki tarah badal jate ho,
Har bar hamara dil dukhatay ho,
Yeh bat sun ker hamari roh tak kanp gaye,
Ae dost tum masjidon se chapal or lote churate ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy friend is fun,
&
Husband is gun,
Boy friend is light of moon,
&
Husband is month of june,
Boy friend is tooty fruity,
&
Husband is qismat phooti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Best Reply Ever By a girl
.
.
Karlo :p
Just do it :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Air & students hv d same mentality
How?
?
?
?
?
Both r turning d book's pages without reading.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did You Know . . .?
That
"HEELS" Are Man's Invention
To Make It Harder For A
Woman To Run Away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Perfectly Legal To
Kill Someone In Your
Dreams,
That's Why
I Wake Up With A Smile Everyday
Good Morning :-)I Made No Resolutions For The New Year.
The Habit of Making Plans,
Criticizing, Sanctioning
And Molding My Life
Is Too Much of
A Daily Event For Me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of Good Luck ...!
Teacher: Hey! Stand up.
Tell me two pronouns.
.
.
.
Student: Who? Me?
Teacher: Very Good, Sit down :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor
when they begin forgetting little things.
Their doctor tells them that many people
find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says,
"Dear, will you please go to the kitchen
and get me a dish of ice cream?
And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband,
"I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some
strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad,
" says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream
with strawberries and whipped cream.
I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen;
his wife hears pots and pans banging around.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen
and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks,
"Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rose
Lotus
Tulip
Orchid
Sunflower
Jasmin
Lilly
All flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,
Kyun K
Gobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Fill Up The Blanks :-
Your Name____
Percentage In SSC___
Gender_____
.
.
Now Read 'Only' The Answers..! :D :D ;) :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kehdo un parhne walon se,
Kabhi hum bhi parha kertay thay,
Jitna syllabus parh k wo top kertay hain,
Utna to hum choice per chor dia kertay thay,
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?
Sardar:Your honour,
it's easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bubbli got caugt on date
on Independance day
.
Major Rohail-
What is this?
.
Bubbli-
Dad today is freedom day,
so let me do what I want
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey friend remember that
without stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Specially dedicated to boys:
A kiss is like a stamp,
Once u stamp a gal,
she wouldn't go anywhere else
Guys r like stamp paper,
jitne bhi lagao kum hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Boy Was Going With His Girl Friend
Friend Asked : Who Is She?
Boy : My Cousin.
The Frend Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin.! :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing a Cockroach on ur bed
is nothing actually....!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Real Problem Starts When It Disappears...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar said to doctor:Pore jism main
kahin bhi ungli lagao to bohat dard hota hai,
Doctor suggested full body Xray
when he checked, Xray found fracture in "Ungli"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before marriage:
Roses are red, sky is blue,
O my darling! I love you...
After Marriage:
Roses are dead,
I have flu,
don't come near me,
Paray hatt tuu,
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 4.O bunty k pappa
Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any man who can drive safely
while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss
the attention it deserves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 5th standard kid wrote in his maths answr sheet:
Dear Math,
Im sick & tired of finding ur x
Jst accpt d fact dat she's gone!
Move On dude!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When u feel sad....
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
"damn I am really so cute"
u will overcome your sadness.
But don't make this a habit.....
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
koi chez be-wafai se barh ker kia hogi,
Ghum-e-tanhai judai se barh ker kia hogi,
Kisi ko deni ho jawani main saza,
to wo saza PARHAI se barh ker kia hogi:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman is like blue tooth ,
U r next 2 her,
she stays connected,
u go away,
she finds new device
Man is like wi-fi,
many devices can connect 2him at a time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
"what's on the TV?"
and ..... I said, "dust!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only true friends stand by u
during bad times.
I promise
I will attend ur wedding
Baharo phool barsao mera "DOST"aya hai.
Hoto pe muskan, gali me mehak laya hai.
Barso tak thi jise pani se "ELERGY"
Woh aaj "LUX" se nahaya hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil main he mere Dard-e-bhutto
"Dard-e-bhutto"
"Dard-e-bhutto"
Wo hasina wo nilam pari,,
hui thi wo election main khari,,
na jane kahan se goli chal pari,,
hamare lia ho gayi mushkil khari,,
Dil main hay mere
""Dard-e-Bhutto""
""Dard-e-Bhutto""
ha koi muqabla karne wala
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends Are like Priya Gold Biscuit Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newspaper Mein News Lugi K
"50% Of Sardars Are Donkeys"
The Sardars Protested.
Next Day News Lagi K
"50% Of Sardars R Not Donkeys"
The Sardars Celebrated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardars Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Dont Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate Bachelor Again.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is Married Again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a Guy does Something Wrong!
Girl : You broke my Favorite Lamp!
Boy : It was an Accident... I didn't mean to..!
Girl : I can't believe you did this.
Boy : I'm Sorry.
When a Girl does Something Wrong!
Boy : You Lost My Dog??!!!
Girl : It was an Accident. I didn't mean to!
Boy : I can't believe you did this.
Girl : I already feel bad about it..!! Stop making me feel Worse..!!
Boy : I'm Sorry..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Position of husband is like a split A.C.
No matter how loud he is outside,
but inside the house,
he is designed to remain
silent, cool & controlled by remote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
if sumone calls u crazy,dont mind,
if sumone calls u duffer,relax,
if sumone calls u stupid be cool,
but if sumone calls u "cute"
.
.
.
.
lagana thappar os pagal ke monh pe,
mazak ki b koi hud hoti hai
New Economic Analysis:
Its better to have a Long distance Relationship:
Because, S.T.D. rates are much Lower than Fuel Rates.... :-P ;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Funny fact always happen wid me:
Study for one Hour-
No One sees.!
.
.
But pick up mobile just 4 a second,
& Mom/Dad enters d room! ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey U Know
Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1
U Know Why??
If she accept its your luck
otherwise just tell April Foooooll.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
Mind u - it's really very very urgent,
damn serious and very imp ....
I'm playing cards and
we've misplaced the JOKER.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man at medical store:I need poison
Chemist: I can't sell you that
Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn't knew u had a prescription.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whos hot... Its U,
Whos
Charming... Its U,
Whos
Sweetest.. Its U,
Whos
Intelligent... Its U,
Whos dear & near friend... Its U
Whos a liar.. Its me
Ultimate insult..
I Iove your smile becoz..
.
.
.
.
.
.
My favorite colour is "YELLOW"!! :D'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wanna make money through Facebook...
Go to:
Account->
account settings->
and click on
De-activate your Account
than
Start Working...!! Lolz :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love Happens Automatically.
.
.
.
Manual Working Of It
Is Called Flirting :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
"I thought It was MONEY"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love is possible after friendship
but
friendship is not possible after love
because
medicines work before death
later nothing can be cured...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ??
Wife remains silent
Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ??
Wife : Abbe gin ne to De
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a practical Exam
Examiner showed legs of bird n said:Tell the bird's name
Sardar:I dont know
Exminer: U r failed.Wats ur name?
Sardar: You see my legs, and tell me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"
DAD:dear son,why yor sister sitting so silent
SON:Nothing dad sister asked
lipstik, but i gave fevistik.
No chip chip
no chik chik
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab barish hoti hai, Tum yaad aate ho.
Jab kali ghata chaye, Tum yaad ate ho,
Jab bheegte hain tum yaad aate ho,
Bataoo Meri umbrella Kab wapis kro ge!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...
still he was in jail.......why?
coz all the 6 were fire brigade staff !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,"Koun Thi Wo?"
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, Yes dear, I know
but I was in love and didnt notice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa-What Is Difference
Between COFFEE Shop & WINE
Shop?
Banta-COFFEE Shop Is The
Starting Point Of LOVE & WINE
Shop Is Last Point Of LOVE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give me some SunShine..!!!
Give me some Rain..!!
Give me another Girlfriend..!!
I am Single once again..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There have been many time in 2017
when I may disturbed you
troubled u
irritated u
bugged u
.
.
.
.
today I just wanna tell you
.
.
.
.
I plan to continue it in 2017.
Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always think about U.
I cant live without U.
I really need U.
Im totally mad about U.
I just wanna be with U.
Im crazy 4 U.
I wanna marry U.
I LOVE U.
Aisa mujhe bajuwali kehti hai\
(My neighbour say all this to me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good teacher according to students is 1 who :
-Should Be Absent At Least 3 Times A Week
-Should Come In Class 10mins Late And Left The Class 10 Mins Earlier
-Should Not Give Any Homework And Assignments
-Should Not Ask Any Questions To Students
-Should Not Disturb The Students By Teaching While They Are Talking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cute love story with happy ending:
One day somebody proposed u!
U said: "i am Not interested."
This way, somebody lived a happy life .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the perfect example
of both Good & Bad Luck?
The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)
but at the same time
Dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to settle abroad?
For Boys:
Study hard
Get good grades
Appear in ielts n toefl
Apply for student visa
Wait for the call
Appear in the interview
Get admission in a university
Get good grades
Search for a job
Work hard, earn well to settle
For Girls:
Marry this guy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pay My Regards To Ur Father
Who Is Tolerating Such A Dumb Duffer Child,
What A Stamina He Has Got..
I Salute Ur Father:p
Happy Father's day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Simple fact:
Boys Can Never B
Satisfied With
3 Things In Life:
-Mobile
-Bike
-Girlfriend
Because;
There Is Always
A Better Model
Available In Future ;)
I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can't send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I'm sending you just 1 joke
.
.
.
"You are so beautiful"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Define a True Music Lover?
A Girl singing in a Bathroom
While Taking Bath
and a Boy Near the Keyhole
is Using His Ears Not His Eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class
Think +ve:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hum ho gaye tumhare tumhe sochne k bad,
Ab na daikhen gay kisi ko tumhe daikhne k bad,
Dunya chor dain gai tumhai chorne k bad,
KHUDA! Maaf kare itne jhut bolne k bad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in
the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****.
Sant: U r wrong. It's 1394.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God thought that since
he couldn't b everywhere
he made a mother.
Then devil thought that
he couldn't be everywhere
he made a mother-in-law.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One million copies of a new book sold
In just 2 days due to typing error of 1 alphabet in title.
"An idea,that can change ur wife''
While real word was(life).
I Cried When I Failed
In 2 Subjects,
.
.
.
.
.
.
But
.
.
.
.
.
.
I laughed When I Came To
Know My Friend Failed In 5
Subjects... ;-) :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
"can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake...:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful flowers die....
Nice stories end......
Lovely songs fade........ ..
Momeries are forgotten... ..
All things comes to end.....
But people like YOU always remain forever
.
.
BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Poetry Competition asked For A 2-Line
Rhyme With d Most Romantic 1st Line &
the Least Romantic 2nd Line
There's d Winning Rhymes
My darling, My Love,My Beautiful Wife
Marrying U Ruined,My Whole Life
I c Ur Face When I m Dreaming
That's Why I Always Wake Up Screaming
Kind Intelligent, Loving & Hot
This Describes Everything You r Not
I Love Ur Smile, Ur Face & Ur Eyes
Damn, I'm V Good At Telling Lies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE:-
C-Come,
O-On,
L-Lets,
L-Love,
E-Each,
G-Girl,
E-Equally......
Thats why boys go to college
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smile to old means Respect
Smile to child mean Innocence
Smile to friend means Care
Smile in front of mobile, a mental case!
Still smiling? ;-)
Pagal ey oy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As per research
A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000
Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : U failure !
At ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir,
but at ur age hitler commited suicide
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
"He's not my friend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
twinkle Twinkle little star,
teri girl friend gaye bazar,
us ko mil gaya MAJNO ka pyar,
ab tu beth ker makhiyan maaar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I'm in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man found his wife having affair with a guy.
He decided 2 kill himself & his wife.
Apne kaan pe pistol lagai aur bola-
tu khush mat ho agla number tera hai!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question by a student !!
If a single teacher can't
teach us all the subjects,
Then...
How could you expect a single student
to learn all subjects ?
Cricket is getting excited day by day with the introduction of ICL n T20...
Same rules should be applied in Examz!
(1) Exams Timing Should Be Reduced To One Hour.
(2) Power Play - No Invigilator In Exam Hall For 1st 15 mins.
(3) Cheer Leaders - To Dance After Every Right Answer Written.
(4) Strategic Time-Out - Time For Students For Discussion.
(5) Super Over - Chance For Students To Form Their Own Question. :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband & Wife Were
Arguing Over Some Issue.
After Much Of Discussion,
Wife Finally Said:
"Tell Me Dear ,
Do You Want To Win
OR
Do You Want To Be Happy . . ?
Argument Ended
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The latest slogn of boys:
Pakistan is our nation
Girls are our Destination
Dating is Our Occupation
Flirting is our Profession
Leave about Education
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl:Its 2 tight
Boy:Dont worry,Ill do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I cant,
Gal:Its painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
American:-Dogs can find Bombs in my country.
Japanese:-Fish can play Ball in my country.
Pakistani:-Thats not a matter,Monkey can read SMS in my country...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says:Ab bolne se kiya fayidah?
"Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na":D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please
Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 time
GIRLZ OF 1995*
"AGAR TUM MIL JAO ZAMANA CHOIR DENGE HUM"
GIRLZ OF 2007*
AGAR TUM MIL JAO PURANA CHOR DENGE HUM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don't worry, I have a one more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband said to his wife One day
"I don't know how you can be so stupid
&
so beautiful all at the same time"
The wife responded ,
"Allow me to explain,
God made me beautiful
so you would be attracted to me ;
God made me stupid
so I would be attracted to you !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message &
Donkey deletes this message.
Choice is yours
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roses r lal
skies r nila,
ur brain is like khali patila.
Bura man liya?
O.K
Roses r red
skies r blue,
I born smart
what d hell hapened to u.
Thora sa or bura manlo :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Open with Love...
If I disturb U
I am Sorry!
But I need
To Say
I...
Love...
Disturbing you...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once A Girl Askd Her Bf :
Why We Have Units To Measure
Weight, Height & Distance
But
Not Love, Friendship & Trust?
.
Boy Thought For A While
.
.
.
Took Her In His Arms,
Looked Deep In Her Eyes & Said
Look, DON'T Eat My Brain!
I Have Already Failed In Physics :p:D
Q: What did the gangster's son
tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but I never told them anything."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.
But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.
Think different.
Add wife, have life :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomorrow is my exam
But I don't care
Because a single sheet of paper
can't decide my future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wats d height of hope??
It is: sittin in d exam hall,
holdin d question paper in hand
n tellin ur self
"dude,dnt worry.
Exams wil get postponed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don't have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1st Man: Which Is The Best Month
To Get Married..?
2nd Man: Octemb ruary
1st Man: Don't Be Silly,
There Is No Such Month
2nd Man: Exactly
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love everybody.
Some I love to be around,
Some I love to avoid,
and
others I would love to punch in the face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Promise me we are true friends
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey
Friends r like fishes.
U have to sit patiently for a long time
to catch a good one.
Just like I caught u.
so better stay nice otherwise
I will FRY YOU..;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Youing Couple Were
Having Their First Fight
And It Was A Big One
After A While,
The Husband Said:
"When We Got Married,
You Promised To Love,
Honor n Obey"
His Bride Replied:
"I Know But I Didn't
Want To Start An
Argument In Front Of
All Those People At d
Wedding"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Oxymoron's:
(An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together)
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
&
the Mother of all
11) Happily Married
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Angry Wife To
Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ... ?"
Husband:
Darling You Remember That
Jewelery Shop Where You Saw
The Diamond Necklace n Totally
Fell In Love With It n I Didn't
Have Money That Time n I said
"Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... " O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing:
Yeah I Remember That My Love !
Husband:
I m In The Pub Just Next To That Shop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhain banaya hoga,
ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...
pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..
phir ussay zoo ka khayal aaya hoga...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it's your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A ThermoMeter is n0t the 0nly thing
that gets a "DEGREE" without having a "BRAIN"...! :p
A silent msg f0r all studnts;-)
An Intelligent Wife Is One
Who Makes Sure She Spends
So Much
That
Her Husband
Can't Afford Another
Women" :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
dont discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people ask the secret
of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant
two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music
and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question: "How to kill an ant?"
Asked in an exam for 10 marks!
Student:
Mix chilli powder with sugar,
&
Keep it outside the ant's hole
After eating,
ant will search for some water near a water tank.
Push ant in to it!
Now ant will go to dry itself near fire,
When it reaches fire, put a bomb into d fire!
Then admit wounded ant in icu!
And then
remove oxygen mask from it's mouth and kill the ant :-|
Moral:
Don't play with students!
They can do any thing for 10 marks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u know similarity
between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
?
?
?
?
Both don't exist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a school function
A K.G boy started closing his ears with
both hands,
when girl was about to start her speech
Others asked him Why r you closing your ears?
He replied: Dude, She is my Girlfriend n She is
gonna start her speech with
.
.
.
.
.
.
My Dear Brothers n Sisters :-)
Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad,
just a radio with a sports car around it.
Why student fails ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHY STUDENT FAIL
Sundays-52 in a year,Days left 313
Summer holidays 50,Days left 263
8 hrs daily sleep-130 days GONe, Days left 141
1 hr daily playing means 15 days,Days left 126
2 hrs daily for eating means 30 days.Days left 96,
1 hr talking means 15 days.,Days left 81
Exams days 35 days,Days left 46
Eid & Gov holidays 20, Days left 26
Movies,TV at least 25 days,Days left 1
That 1 day is your BIRTHDAY.
Hun banda SALGIRHA waly din bhi parhy?
Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane.
You drop one outside. How many are left?
Applicant: That's easy, 499
Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.
Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.
Interviewer: It's lion's birthday,
all the animals are there except one, why?
Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.
Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Applicant: She just crosses it
because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.
Interviewer: Last question.
In the end the old lady still died, Why?
Applicant: Err....I guess she drowned?
Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why love marriage
is better than arranged???
Because
"A KNOWN DEVIL
IS BETTER THAN
AN UNKNOWN GHOST"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question:
Why most of the engineering students
Can't clear all subjects in 1st attempt..?
?
?
?
Answer:
Smooth roads never make good drivers,
Clear sky never makes good pilots
&
Clearing all subjects in the 1st attempt,
Never makes good engineers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After massive demand from all husbands...
A new app called,"Fear" is launched in IPHONE 7
You just say ,"Wife"
and it immediately closes all websites,
hides all chats,
shuts down all games,
hide all special folders
and
deletes chat history!
and best above all,
it puts your wife's photograph as a wallpaper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One boy went to meet his girlfriend
when he came back at home
mom asked
kahaan gaey they ?
boy:us se milney
mom: kis liye?
boy: haan bohat kiss liye:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil ka dard dil torrne waley kiya jaaney,
Pyar ke rivajon ko zamana kiya jaaney,
Hoti hai kitni takleef larrki ko pataney main,
Ye ghar pe baitha larki ka baap kiya jaaney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diff B/W Ignorance & selfcontrol?
When u c mirror & u don't laugh at yourself,
that is ignorance!
&
When i look at u & i don't laugh,
thats called self control:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy askd girl: y do u love a rose,
Which dies in a day. But
Don't love me,
Who dies 4 u everyday??
Girl replied:
.
Oye hoye...
What a dialogue
2 MEN TALKING
1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?
Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman Buys A New Sim
Card Puts It In Her Phone
And Decides To Surprise Her
Husband Who Is Seated On
The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen,
Calls Her Husband With
The New Number:
"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds
In A Low Tone:
"Let Me Call U Back
Later Honey, The Dumb
Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of confidence
Once many professors were called and asked to sit in an airplane.
After they sat. They were informed that the plane is made by their students.
All of them ran and got out of plane exdcept one.
People asked him the reason
He said,"If it's made by my students it will not even start."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question : Why do girls close
their eyes while kissing a guy?
Guess
Guess
.
.
.
Answer : Yeh ladkiyan ladkon
ko kabhi khush nahi dekh sakti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True bravery is to arrive home ...
fully drunk..
a late night out..
and mom waiting with a jharu
in hand and you ask
"hey mom, abhi tak jaag rahi ho."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just feel u....
Whenever I feel u....
I just miss u .....
Whenever i miss u ....
I just wanna See u ....
Do u know why.......
It's juts because ............
******I LOVE CARTOONS*******
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Kashif, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Kashif: I is ......
TEACHER: No, Kashif. Always say, "I am."
Kashif: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
.
.
.
chand to tum ho hi,
sitaray bhi saath hote!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came n asked- what happen son?
Kid said-I cant adjust with your wife anymore,
I want my own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
"We want 2 disturb some good person."
I suggest them your name.
They said,
"We cannot disturb our boss."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
To aaj ke lunch ka bill tu bhar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In an African Safari,A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE-Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA-Yes Yes.I'm changing d battery of my camera..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know
how it feels to love
someone who doesnt
love you ?
.
.
.
.
.
Its like
waiting for a boat at the airport
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans:
Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
&
Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hum chat par charhe patang urane ke bahane,
Wo bhi chat par aayi kapde sukhane ke bahane,
Uske mummy ne jo dekha ye haseen nazara,
Jhadu le aayi wo bandar bhagane ke bahane.
Mere dost tanhai me na waqt bitaya karo,
Kabhi kabhi mehfilon me bhi aaya karo,
Kiya hua jo toot gaye hen samney k 4 dant,
Phir bhi moun khol ker muskuraya karo..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Apna samjho ya baigana,
Hamara aapka rishta he purana,
Is liye farz tha aap ko batana,
kay garmiyan aa gayi hain,
Ab shuru ker do roz nahana!
jao nahao (,?. *,?.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
"Hi,wat ru doin?"
His honest reply,"MISSING U"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than
his wife can spend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful marriage is based
On give & take:
Where husband gives money,
Gifts, dresses n wife takes it
&
Where wife gives advices, lectures,
Tensions & husband takes it..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
God has given many qualities to you,
Good look, personality, charm, intelligence,
And many more......this is call as
"Allah meherbaan to gadha bhi pehalwan..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2017 is coming
Wish u a very
Happy new year
Valentine's day
Basant
23rd march
14 august
Eid ul fitr
Eid ul azha
Friendship day
Mother, father
Dadi, dada
Nana, nani
Children's day
Happy b'day
365 good mornings
After noons, evenings'
& nights
Roz roz ka drama nahi
Hota mujh se
Ab pura saal mat kehna
SMS nahi kia
Difference between Husband & gadha.
Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : Correct the sentence,
"A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : "A cow and a bull is grazing in the field"
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Positive thinking is like.....
U r standing on the middle of the road.........
&
suddenly a crow beats on your head....
But you remain calm...
and thanks to God...
that cows dont fly:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Positive-thinking poem:
Little bird in the sky
Droping shit into ur eye
U don't worry u don't cry,
U just thank God that,
Cows do not fly
Always b positive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U r a nice person...
but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning...
1st. pray to God so that u can live....
2nd.take a bath so that others can live....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Hear about the terrorist
that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one
every hour if his demands weren't met.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.
Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin ker sakta:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to the Police Station wishing
to speak with the burglar who had
broken into his house the night before.
Youll get your chance in court, said the Police officer.
No, no no! said the man.
I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. Ive been trying for years.
4 Stages of marriage:
Mad for each other.
Made for each other.
Mad at each other.
Mad bcoz of each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples
Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are on of them...)
Never be Prouf of Your Choices...
(Your Wife is one of them...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two type of studies:
1 - hard subjects which Cannot be studied.
2 - easy subject that Doesn't need to be studied
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked "what you did till evening?"
Sardar :"Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patient : What are the chances
of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent.
Medical records show that
nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before Marriage:-
He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait
she:do you want me 2 leave?
He: No! don't even think about it
She: do you love me ?
He:ofcourse! over n over!
She:have u ever cheated on me?
He:No!y r u even asking?
She:will u go on wid me on picnic?
He:every chance I get!
She:will u hit me ?
He:R u crazy?I'm not that kind of person!
She:can I trust u?
He:yes..
She: Darling!
After marriage...
Now simply read from bottom to top
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having "WIFE" Is A
Part Of Living...
But
Having "GIRLFRIEND"
Along With The "WIFE" Is
Art Of Living
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of coolness:
2 Guys coming out of the examination Hall with chips and coke in hands....
1st guy:which paper was it?
2nd guy:I think maths......
1st guy:(surprisingly) you read the question paper?
2nd guy: no I see a girl sitting besides me using calculator:
Little johnny: Mam,will you punish me
for something that I didn't do ?
Teacher : Not at all.
Little johnny : That's good.
Actually i didn't do my homework!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words Written Above A Classroom Clock
This Clock Will Never Be Stolen,
Coz Too Many Students Are Watching It..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....
until you fall in love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to hell and asked
the Yamraj if he can call his wife.
yamraj said "u can do that"
after man spoke to his wife..
he asked how much to pay yamraj
yamraj said.."hell to hell is free"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breaking News
ATM @ Gulshan-e-Iqbal Is Jammed &
Not In Working Condition
.
.
.
Because
.
.
.
Sardar's Wife Put Hair pin In Machine
When It Said", Enter Ur PIN" ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Good Teacher Is Who
Tells To Study Hard...
But,,
A Best Teacher Is Who
Stands Outside D
Examination Hall N Shouts. . .
"OYE CHECKING WALE AA GAYE
APNI APNI PARCHIY CHUPA LO..." =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband is someone who,
after taking the trash out,
gives the impression
he just cleaned the whole house.
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference b/w shit & Oohh shit:
.
A boy Threw a love letter to a girl
.
but it fell on her brother..
Shittt!
.
And Her brother was GAY..
Oohh ShIt
:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOVE YOUR HUSBAND
When he orders you to make tea or coffee.
He wants to feel fresh to listen to your nostop talks.
Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females.
He is just checking that you are still the best.
Love him if he criticize your cooking.
He is still improving his taste.
Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep.
He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you.
Love him if forgets to give you a gift on your birthday.
He is saving money for future.
Love him Because...
You don't have a Choice...
and killing is a legal offense
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Small Boy Took A Knife
And Wrote His Girlfriends Name 0n His Hand..
After A Minute He Started Crying Loudly..
Why ???
.
.
.
Paining ???
.
.
.
No !!
.
.
.
Then ???
.
.
.
Spelling Mistake !!! :O
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Truth-
No one is as ugly as their driving license/ identity card picture,
nor as good-looking as their facebook profile pic..! :D ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attention plz...!
Don't drink
.
Fish live in water without pampers..
Seriously..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl : I'm warning you
My Mummy is coming back in half an hour..
Boy : But I'm not doing anything..
Girl : That's why I'm warning you..
Hurry up ! :D :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife : I saw in my dream
that u were buying a diamond ring 4 me
.
.
.
Husband : i saw your dad paying da bill
Sardarji was asked,
what is a adult joke?
Reply came
any joke which is eighteen years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choosing Career Is Like
Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls.
Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful,
Intelligent, Kindest Woman,
There's Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9 :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy with a sweet girl entered a jewellery shop
&
Choose a ring worth 8 lacs for her.
Gave a cheque & said she will collect ring on Monday after the cheque is cleared.
.
On Monday.
Jeweller called boy:
There's no money in your account.
Boy:
I know,
But, you can't imagine what a weekend I enjoyed:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A New Added element to the Periodic Table.
Element Name:GIRL
Symbol: G
Atomic Weight:dont even dare to ask :-D
Physical Properties..
*boils at anything
*can freeze at anytime
*melts if handled wid love n care
*very bitter if mis handled
Chemical Properties.
*very reactive
*highly unstable
*posses strong affinity for gold n silver
*money reducing agent
*volatile when left alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
I Wonder If 1 Day
Somebody Will Ever Come
N
Knock 0n My Door
N
Tell Me
"Hey , V Have 7 Mutual Friends
In FACEBOOK "
Can I Come In ... =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay.
The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked
"Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..
The story continues....
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing.
He said your husband has blocked your credit card.
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband.
Story continues....
Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse
and uses it to clear all the bills.
Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All say that love is more important than money..
Have u ever tried paying ur bill with a hug..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: How Do You Differentiate
"WIFE" & "MOTHER"
SARDAR:
Before Marriage We Sleep With "MOTHER"
&
After Marriage
We Sleep With Our "WIFE"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Men n Women Don't Understand Each Other?
Bcoz
God Gave Good Brains To Men
n
Good Hearts To Women
But
Men Use Their Hearts
&
Women Use Their Brains
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Sardar: BA
Professor:For sodium?
Sardar: NA
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Sardar: BANANA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: why r u arrested?
Sardar: for shopping early?
Judge: well, that's not a crime,
anyway how early were u shopping?
Sardar: before opening the shop.....:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone Asked Shakespeare:
"U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?"
He Showed Him A Calendar N Said
"A Week Has 7 Days;
Can U Say Which Day Is Younger,
Either Sunday Or Saturday ??
So, Love Comes From Heart Not In Age"
Love Has No Age.
-MORAL:
Senior Girls R Also Available For Boys:P
Do the following !!!
1) go to google translate
2) type in "Who said to sell pepsi for Rs.65?"
3) translate English to Arabic
4) Copy the Arabic version
5) choose translation from Arabic to English
6) and the truth will be unleashed!!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Put ur hand on a Hot Pan,
a second seems an hour,
But put ur hand on a Hot Girl
An hour seems a second
That's Einstein's theory of Relativity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar was busy removing
a wheel from his auto.
A man asks sardar why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher:
What should be in a
book to make it a bestseller?
Tommy:
A girl on the cover
and
no cover on the girl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you Like me as I am??
Or do I haVe to
.
.
.
.
Request GOD to impRove your taste ?? :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police Officer: I arrest people, But, when I go home, I'm under house arrest, by Wife
Professor: I give lectures to students, But, when I go home, I get Lectured hourly, by wife
CEO: I'm the Boss, But, when I go home, I always feel like an employee, by wife
Judge: I give Justice, but when I go home, I Beg for Justice, by wife
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"Hey vaheguru meri lottery lagady."
After 11 years VaheGuru angrily appeared
& said,"Khoti de putar 1 vari ticket te le ley"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rich Man: Today, I have 14 Cars,
18 Bikes, 4 Bungalows, 3 Farm Houses
What do you have?
Poor Man: I have a boy
whos Girl Friend is
.
.
.
.
Your Daughter..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss hangs a poster in Office
"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.
"Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
Husband wife watching an IPL match together:
After 5 minutes:
Wife: Is this Bret Lee?
Husband: No, this is Chris Gayle, Bret Lee is a bowler.
Wife: Okay, oh look, another wicket.
Husband: No, this is just a replay of the last one.
Wife: Hmm, looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It's Bangalore vs Mumbai.
Wife: How many runs they need to win now?
Husband: 72 runs in 36 balls.
Wife: Eh! That's easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball.
Husband: *Turns off the TV*
Wife: Turns it on again and starts watching "Daily serial"
Husband: Who is girl here ?
Wife: Don't disturb me please .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best quote of advertisment
written in front of a famous beauty parlour :
"Don't whistle at the girl going out from here,
She might b ur grand mother..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him,
"Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
Sardar : "Ya sure, from landline or mobile".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight.
.
.
.
Dad asked: "how did u feel?"
.
.
.
It replied: "Dad it was wonderful. evry1 ws clappin 4 me"
Moral: Take evrything positively
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
OF THEM..:-P
Man outside phone booth: Excuse me !!
You are holding the phone since 20 mins.
&
haven't spoken a word..!!!
Man inside: I'm talking to my wife
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Interesting Confusions"
1. Can u cry under water?
2. Do fish ever get thirsty?
3. Why don't birds fall out of trees when they sleep?
4. What do u call a male lady bird?
5. Why is it called building when it's already built?
6. When they say dog food is new & improved in taste, who tastes it?
7. If money doesn't grow on trees then why banks have branches?
8. Why does a round pizza come in sqaure box?
9.Why doesn't glue, stick to its bottle;-)..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ECG if u go out with wife
/l__,-.__/\_,_,-.
ECG if u go out with girlfriend
_/l_/l_/l_/l_/\_/\_
ECG if wife catches u with girlfriend...
/\________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height Of Illiteracy:
You Take A Blade
And
Write Your Lovers Name On Your Arm.
.
.
.
.
And
Make A Spelling Mistake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The difference between scientific theory and reality
is like the difference between
reading the menu and eating dinner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
Shetext back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied,
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interviewer:what is skeleton?
Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person
who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cutest Proposal -
A Boy Rings D Door-Bell Of A Girls Home.
&
Asks ,
"Do U Belive In Love At First Sight
Or
Should I Come Back Again.."
1st ever intelligent sardar.
Teacher: what do u call a person
who cannot hear anything?
sardar: u can call him anything,
because he cannot hear anything:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In bio practical:
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it's legs only?
Sardar:I don't know.
Examiner:You failed, what's your name?
Sardar:See my legs & tell my name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GIRL:My heart is like a mobile
and you are the sim card
BOY:I m very happy. . .
Gal:dont b too happy. . .
If I get a new offer
I will change the sim card..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worlds smallest resignation letter?
Respected sir,
I love Ur wife.
Thank you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
Audience was in shock and silence..
He added: "she was my mother"
A big round of applause & laughter!
A very daring husbnd tried to crack this at home
After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker
by the time he gained his senses,
he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: don't copy if u can't paste!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.
Waiter: Oh! you can't get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ghalib ne girlfriend ko date per bulaya wo late aayi,
Girl: Am I late ?
Ghalib:
Falak pey chand sitaron ko neend aarahi hai,
Doosri ka time ho gaya hai, tu ab aa rahi hai.
:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.
He asks, "How's the situation?"
He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.
They said, "It's fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,
last one was a duck!
The best feature of iPhone 6 is
that if you hold it upside down
it becomes iPhone 9.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our friendship means a lot to me.
U cry i cry.
U laugh i laugh.
U jump out of the window
I look down & then
.
.
.
I laugh again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar to doctor:
When I sleep, monkeys
play football in my dreams.
Dr:No problem,
just take this medicine b4 sleep.
Sardar: Kal se khaonga aaj final hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardarji's boy asked his dad:
What is a grownup joke?
Sardar ji replied:
any joke which is eighteen years old
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband's coat from 20 meters,
but can't see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . . :-D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Misuse of English!
A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So da Teacher Drew The Diagram On Da Blackboard
&
said:
"Dont Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure":D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar english k paper main fail ho gaya,
He did translation:
1.Main aam admi nahi hon
I'm not a mango man
2.Sarda or garma fruit hain.
Colda & hota r fruits
3.Mujhey bhi english ati hay
English comes 2 me also
4.do ro do chaar.
give and give four.
5.Mera taluk hari pur hazara se hay
I belong 2 green pur thousanda:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.
READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE.
On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.
A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.
Old man advised
"DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK othrwise YOU'll face problem"
Man finished the book with great fear but didnt open the last page.
.
.
.
But,after a week,
Out of curiousity he opend the last page and..
he almost fainted to see..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Retail Price: Rs 30/-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardar had a child after 3 month of marriage.
He asked his wife ye 3 month k bad bacha kaise howa?
Wife replied:tumhari shadi ko kitna arsa hua?
sardar:3 months.
Wife: or meri shadi ko ?
Sardar: 3 months
Wife: or bacha kitne month k baad?
Sardar:3 month.
Wife: total kitne hue?
Sardar: oye 9 months & start dancing
Balle Balle;->
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free
After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply...
"Which Trip ?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 friends,
"see" & "saw":
1 day "see" saw sea & "saw" didnt see sea.
"See" saw sea and jumped in sea.
"Saw" didnt see sea but jumped in sea.
"See" saw "saw" in sea & "saw" saw "see" in sea.
"See" "saw" both saw sea & both "saw" & "see" were happy to see Sea.
That is how to exercise your brain..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil k zakham kisi ko dikha na sako ge,
Dil mein jo he kisi ko bata na sako ge,
Karoo ge jawani me jo girlfriend pe kharche,
Budhape tak udhar chuka na sako gay:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar 2 friend: Guess how many
coins I have in my pocket?
Friend:If I guess right, u give me 1?
Sardar:Oji, I will give both of them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life has so much 2 teach us,1 famous Chinese poet said
"Sifgliyo chi chongloma cyona sung una sevol ping pinago ching"
Really touching na?
I almost cried...
What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
.
Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Train main 1 machar 1 chinese k sar pe baitha,
woh usko pakar k kha gaya!
Phir 1 machar memon pe baitha,
us ne pakar k chinese say pocha:
.
.
.
.
.
Khareedo gay?:D:D:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 larki ki dua
Kasam se her larkay ko bhula dungi,
Sab hi ki tasveerain jala dungi,
Ek tum hi raho gay is dil main,
Balance dalwa do tumhe dua dungi,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is nothing without LOVE,
Love is emotion & Kiss is practical,
don't get emotional, yar just b practical
So STOP loving and START Kissing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Importance of thumb...
Children use it 4 chewing
Illiterate people use it 4 sign
Winners 4 victory
.
.
AND
.
.
My FANS use it 4 reading my messages
.
.
.
.
.
Oh....u toooo?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl: if u will try 2 kiss me, main shore macha dungi.
Boy:Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl: i know but formality to poori karni hi padegi..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u want to hear a dirty joke?
.
.
.
Are you sure?
.
.
.
Ok, here you go...
.
.
.
A white horse fell in the mud
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didnt see her......
Tuesday and wednesday passed too.....
On thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the
Corner of one eye;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoslay saray azma baithay,
Hum zamanay k ghum utha baithay,
Jis ki chahat main umer bhar tarpay,
Us ki shadi ki biryani kha baithay:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A : u r Active
B : u r Best
C : u r Cute
D : u r my Dearest
E : u r Excelant
F : u r alwayz First
G : u r Great
Sorry cant lie till Z...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nahi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bhi koi scene nahi hai,
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab say haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ladies hostel caught Fire
It took 1 hour to bring the Fire under control
& another 3 hrs 2 bring d Firemen
under control.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happens when a lion roars thrice?
-
-
-
-
-
Think
-
-
-
-
-
Any guess?
-
-
-
-
-
Ok i will tell you..
-
-
-
-
-
Tom & jerry cartoon begins!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When u feel lonely and alone
& cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Khuda ke Ghar say Kuch Gadhey farar hogaye
kuch to pakray gayai
kuch hamare yaar hogaye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.
Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Malika plays roll of Draupadi,
Duryodhan will say pheli bhabhi ko sari to pehna,
hum to dekhen ye vastro mein kaisi lagti hai..?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab sey tumhain jana hai,
jab sey tumhain paaya hai,
har dua mein tera naam aaya hai,
Ta k poochhu rab say
.
.
.
.
ki yeh kaisa namoona banaya hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat,
keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,
20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aisi apni wife ho
aisi apni wife ho
5.5 jiski hight ho
jeans jiski tight ho
chehra jiska bright ho
waight main thori light ho
umer main diffrence slight ho
thori se woh quite ho
to mamorable her ek night ho
aisi apni wife ho
sarak per sub kaheen kia cute hey
bheer main sub kaheen pakistan ki paidaish h0
beauty multyply by twice ho
favorite color white ho
make up thora light ho
zulfain dynamite hoon
aankheen us ki jaisey sunny twilight ho
hoonton ko dekh ker lagey jaisey coke diet ho
jub sari pehan ker nikley to kia sight ho
aisa lagey jaisey swtizerland ki flight ho
aisi apni wife ho agar aisi apni wife ho tu kia haseen life ho..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl ask to moulvi! can i kiss a man?
moulvi says: astaghfirullah! astaghfirullah!
girl: can i kiss a boy?
moulvi: laahulawala quwata.........
girl: can i kiss u?
moulvi: Bismillahh bismillah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Us nay kaha kon ho Tum?
Main nay kaha Hasrat Tumari
Us nay kaha Taktey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Surat Tumhari
Us ne kaha kartey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Pooja Tumhari
Us nay kaha Kaafir ho kya?
Main nay kaha aisa hi sahi
Us nay kaha chatey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Mohabbat Tumhari
Us nay kaha Pachtaoge,
Main nay kaha KismatHamari
Us nay Kaha Married hoon mai.
Main nay kaha Sorry BAJI
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A scientist cannot b a president,but kalam did it.
A conductor cannot b a superstar,but Rajini did it.
A monkey cannot operate mobile,
but u mere lal, mind blowing....
Aaj kuch ghabraaye se lagte ho,
Thand se kuch kap-kapaaye se lagte ho,
Nikhar kar aayi hai soorat aapki,
BAHUT DINO KE BAAD NAHAAYE SE LAGTE HO..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once, Boss, Officer & Clerk going 4 a meeting.
They saw a Jin.
Jin said: As i fulfill 3 wishes at a time
But u r 3 persons so i will fulfill 1 wish for each.
Clerk said: Send me to America with a lot of money clerk disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Officer said: Send me to Paris with a lot of beautiful girls. officer disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Jin said to Boss: what is ur wish?
He said: "I want these two idiots back at office after lunch."
Moral: Always Let the BOSS SPEAK 1st
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Imagine world without girls
roads sunsan markets viran
na janu na jan
na koi girl friend k liye preshan
bas namaz & quran
&
sarey larke direct jannat ul maqam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once an old man was waiting for a train, sitting on a bench.
A young boy came to him and asked the time.
Old man refused to tell the time.
Boy insisted again & again but old man denied again & again.
Boy asked the reason?
Old man said if i tell you the time,
then you will ask about me,my name,job etc.
Then i will ask about you,both of us will be frank.
By chance you may get the seat with me.
Then you may get down at my station.
My daughter will come to receive me.
She will meet you. She is beautiful.
You may fall in love with her,she too.
Then she may insist to marry u, even may threaten me.
And i am sorry that
I dont want such a poor son in law
who hasn't his own watch to see the time. ;-) :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worlds shortest jokes:
1) 2 Women r sitting quiet.
2) 2 Sardars r playing chess.
3) GirlFriend pays the bill...!!!
Need more???
U r beautiful.:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr.Bean Science
.
Major Rohail:
I was stuck in ELEVATOR for 3 hrs
Due to electric failure
Mr.Bean:
Ya me too
I was stuck on ESCALATOR for 5 hrs
Joke kaisa laga ?
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (48 votes, average: 3.35 out of 5)
u r...
A B C D E F G H I J K L
A=Aachhe
B=Briliant
C=Cool
D=Dashing
E=Emotional
F=Fantastic
G=Great
H=Hot
I=Intelligent
&
JKL=Joke Kaisa Laga.
A ship was sinking.
Captain: Does any one know how to pray?
A priest comes forward and says he can pray.
Captain: Ok priest, you pray;
Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket
as we are one jacket short.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TERROR JOKE -
What will happen
if u throw an AMPLIFIER into the sea?
TSUNAMI will be created
since an amplifier converts
small waves into bigger wave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 points that prove you are a normal student
1:unnecessary talk on phone and messages
2:Plan each day to study but end of the day KAL SAY PAKA
3:you have all the data but you work before the dead line
4:right now you are thinking of forwarding this message to your friends
5:on each point you smile because it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I open my eyes every morning
I pray to God that everyone should
have a friend like you....
Why should only i suffer!!! ha ha ha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl:How much do you love me?
Boy:My heart is a mobile and you are its SIM
Girl:Ooh God.. I am soo lucky..
.
.
.
.
.
.
She doesn't know that my mobile is dual sim :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi i am marrying next week
there will be a small party and
only few persons will be invited
Hey don't bring any gift
just bring SOMEONE to marry me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someday you may lose your hair.
you may lose your teeth- oyur money & even lose your mind.
But 1 thing you will never loose is oyur good looks.
because you cant lose what you don't have!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: Will U marry , after I die.
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will U marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.
Teacher says to student, In Algebra
A=B
&
B=C.
It means A=C.
Now give relevant example.
Student: Sir, I love you & You love your daughter,
It means that I love your daughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Future plans of childrens:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Adnan: I want 2 b a pilot.
Wakeel: I want 2 b a doctor.
Bina: I want 2 b a good mother.
Shariq : I want 2 help Bina.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always think about U.
I can't live without U.
I really need U.
I'm totally mad about U.
I just wanna be with U.
I'm very desperate for U.
I'm crazy 4 U.
I wanna marry U.
I LOVE U.
That's all what my mama say to me:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If:-
R u emotionally dumbed
Creatively challenged?
Artistically void?
Socially hopeless?
And financially desperate?
Congrats you are a
PAKISTANI!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choose four
Select three
Love two
And
Marry one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Ur Single Smile Thousands People Die So
Keep Smiling n
Reduce Population Of PAKISTAN
But.
Never Smile In Front Of Da Mirror
Warna
Lene K Dene Par Jayen Gay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aik Pagal: "Mujhe Katrina ne shadi k lye haan bol di hai"
Doosra: "Dikha di na usne apni auqat.
Main bhi itni asani se tallaaq nahi dunga." :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a girl's speaking 2 a boy........
u r very handsome.
u r very cute.
u r very sweet.
ooph.......sorry.
i can't call u sweet....
because ants will finish u.
UNIVERSAL TRUTH :
When girls wear tight fittings,
Neither they are
Comfortable
Nor
Boys are comfortable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In our life time
6 things can come at any time:
1.love
2.friendship
3.money
4.death
5.illness
-
-
-
6.susu: isliye karke sona .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Aeroplane asks a Rocket
How is that you can fly so fast?
The Rocket replies you will know the pain
when they put fire at your back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dabbay main dabba dabay main khargosh,
Uncle nay aankh mari aunty bay-hosh...;):D:D
To the only boy I ever loved!
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (32 votes, average: 4.16 out of 5)
Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card,
it says,"To the only boy I ever loved!"
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them
C~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Y do couples hold hands during their wedding?
Its a formality just like two boxers
shaking hands before the fight begins!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How will a rat purpose a cat...??
?
..??
?
"Billo Rani Kaho Tou Abhi Jaan De Doon..
O Billo Rani..!!;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can u dance?
?
?
?
No!
.
.
.
Sure
.
.
.
Just try it
.
.
.
Sure u cant
.
.
.
That means u r pappu!!!
.
.
.
Because pappu cant dance ..
Sumeone Kills AMIR'S GF
& He Loses His Memory.
Than He Tries To Find out D Killer.
Suspense:AMIR Himself Is D Killer.
Now Enjoy Watchng GHAJINI :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: what is meant by
"I MISS YOU"
.
.
.
.
Pathan: Is ka matlab hai
"Mein tumhari miss hon!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life while doing m.b.b.s
1sr yr: yahoo i'm in Medical college
2nd yr: kahan phans Gaya? Help me
3rd yd: severe Migraine, sometimes Pagalpan bhi
4th yr: aah soon it'll b over
5th yr: finaly it'll b over
House job: i did it
Job : i love myself
W8 a min !
Something is missing
.
.
.
.
Ohhh !!! Meri "jawani":(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If u have 3 fathers, miss call me.
If i m your father, just ignore this message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus
with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Solid reason for having 2 girlfriends at one time:
Monopoly is always damaging
&
Competition improves service!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Send me SMS on these time
Morning
6am To 12pm
Noon
12pm To 4pm
Evening
4pm To 8pm
Night
8pm To 6am
Baki Time Tang Mat Karna
Kam Karna Hota Hai :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains.
So what do the rest have?
.
They have girl friends:p
Graduation Speech:
I Would Like To Thank,
The Internet, Google, Wikipedia,
Microsoft 0ffice And
Copy Paste. . . !! =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wonderful confession by a girl in church and amazing reply she got
She:i m in love with a boy who is far away from me
I m in india and he lives in uk
We met on marriage website
Became friends on fb
Had long chats on whatsapp
Proposed each other on skype
N now 2 months of relationship through viber
I need ur blessings and good wish oh god
Guy besides her said: now get married on twitter
Have fun on tango
Buy your kids from ebay
Send them through gmail
And if u r fed up with ur husband or kids toh unko OLX pe bech de
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
jeevan me paise, pyaar, dost,
sab kuch aata hai jaata hai,
par tode gaye daant phir nhi aate,
samajhdar ho ummeed hai msg bhejte rahoge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A love letter from biscuit maker:
Dear marie, today is good day,
u r anmol for me...
but u have crack jacked my heart,
bcoz i have a little heart,
now i m in 50/50 position...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a man is allowed to select a girl
from 90 girls
and
Even if most beautiful is picked,
There's still the pain of losing
the remaining EIGHTY NINE....:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Girlfriend Told Me
If I Bought Her One More Stupid Gift
She Would Burn It
So I Bought her A Candle :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What does ILU means?
Girlfriend:Its 2 tight
Boyfriend:Dont worry,Ill put it slowly,
Girlfriend:Push it in,
Boyfriend:Ah..I cant,
Girlfriend:Its painful,
Boyfriend:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What? is a difference between
a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?
A kiss is so dear,?
A car is too dear and
A monkey is U dear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji & his wife going to city in auto.
Driver adjusted miror.
Sardarji shouted you are seeing my wife.
Go & sit back. I will drive auto...:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
You should know what you are,
And once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: I havnt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didnt u exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody
2 exchange in the lower birth..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nobody teaches
Volcanoes to erupt,
Tsunamis to devastate,
Hurricanes to sway around
&
no one teaches
How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Examiner:y r u under tension?
Did u forget admit card,ID,or calculator?
studnt:No Sir!
By mistake i have brought tomorrow
exam's pharray (Cheating material) today:
You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having 1 child makes you a parent
but having 2 makes you a refree.
Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right
and the other is always husband.
You can't buy love
but you pay heavily for it.
Wife and husband always compromise,
husband admits that he's wrong and wife too agrees with him.
Our language is called the mother tongue
because the father never gets a chance to Speak.!:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl Fell Down from 80th floor,
A boy caught her on 65th floor and asked her...
will u hug me...?
She replied.., offcourse not...
he dropped her.
...........
she was caught on 30th floor by another boy....
He asked her, will u kiss me..?
no not at all, she replied
he dropped her too..
she prayed for last chance when a boy hold her on 5th floor.
she immediately said...
ok i will hug u and kiss u..
The boy dropped her and saying.
Astagfirullah !!
mera roza hai :P [ I am fasting ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: Marry Me..?
Girl: Do You Have A House...?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do You Have A Bmw Car...?
Boy: No..
Girl: How Much Is Your Salary..?
Boy: No Salary, But...
Girl: No But.You Have Nothing.
How Can I Marry You? Leave Please!!
Boy: (talking To Himself) I Have One Villa, 3 Property
Lands, 3 Ferrari ' S, And 3 Porsche's. Why Would I Need
To Have A Bmw ? How Could I Get A Salary When
I'm The Boss!
& The Girl Lost Her Chance =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Devils went to Court to Prove
that he is The Most,
Cruel & wicked Guy on Earth.
But he Failed, He Came Out Angrily & Asked,
Yaar ye ALTAF BHAI kon hai?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Style of break up:
Boy bought gift for His Girl friend-
GF:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket?
Boy: U wanted stars na?
Now sit on it and GET LOST:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Call A Girl Pretty
& She Will Remember It For
5 Minutes..!
Call A Girl Ugly
& She Will Remember It
Forever..!"
Marriage is like a public toilet
Those waiting outside are desperate to get in
&
Those inside are desperate to come out..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aftr engagemnt!
Girl:
Now stop looking at girls,u r commited now!
Boy:
Oho what do u mean,
if i m on diet,
that doesnt mean that i cant look at MENU . . :-D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
boy: how do i play the guitar????
girl: u should be on TV for ur talent
boy: am i so good??? :D :O
girl: if u were on TV,, i can atleast switch it off
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between
Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message
&
Donkey deletes this message.
Choice is urs........:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar darvaze pe GUN liye khara tha
Wife: y r u standing here?
Sardar: Sher k shikar pe ja raha hon
Wife: To jao na..!
Sardar: Kase jaon baher KUTTA khara hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
"U r my Best Wife?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WANTED SINGLE GIRL,
Able To Cook,
Love And Have Job,
Must Have
HOUSE & CAR.
Plz Send Picture 0f
HOUSE & CAR ... =P =D
A Question Asked In A Talent Test
If U R Married To One Of The Twin Sisters,
How Would You Recognize Your Wife?
The Answer Came:
"Why Should I ? :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
ik benam si mohabbat mere nam ker do,
ik subha ko milo aur shaam ker do,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kaam ker do:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
Ik benam si mohabbat mere naam kerdo,
Ik subha ko milo aur shaam kerdo,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kam kerdo,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Of The Best Quote,
Always have a
BACKUP
BEFORE
BREAKUP! :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.
1st Guy To Second-What Will We Do Now?
2nd Guy-U Marry My Sis,
I Will Marry Ur Sis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Belated Teachers' Day
Its A Humble Request
"80% Of Teachers r
Suffering From Throat
Pain By Teaching Students."
So Plz
.
.
.
.
BUNK d Classes As Much
As Possible
n
Save Our Teachers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catch her by her waist...
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a ...
...nice drink...PEPSI
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four guys
1 from Harward:
1 Oxford
1 Texas
&
a Sardar from Pujab university
1 common question:
What is the fastest thing in world?
Oxford:Light
Harvard:Thought
Texas:Blink of an eye
Sardar:Its loose motions,
because last night I was lying in my bed
& before I could blink,think or turn on the lights,
it was over!
A recently fired
stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce...
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Love b4 Marriage*
Janu...tum nahe to mei nahe,
mei nahe to tum nahe...
*Love after Marriage*
"baghairta"...Aj tu nahe ya me nahe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SILENCE
Is d best Answer
for all questions
SMILE
Is d best Reaction
in all situations
Unfortunately
BOTH Never Help In
any EXAM, VIVA, REVIEW & INTERVIEW :P:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Night If Mosquito Bites,
What Should We Do.?
?
?
?
?
Just Scratch N Sleep Again
We R Not Rajnikant
2 Make The Mosquito Say Sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q- a parrots sits on an elephant and the elephant died!!
Prove how is this possible
.
.
.
.
Physics student:
assume that elephants name is parrot
&
parrots name is elephant:d:p:)
physics can prove anything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teri yaad dil se jane nahi denge,
Tere jesa dost khone bhi nahi denge,
Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo warna,
Ek kaan k niche denge or rone bhi nahie denge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Log ishq kartay hain baray shor kay sath,
Humne bhi kia bare zor kay sath,
Lakin ab karain gay thoray ghor kay sath,
Kyunke kal usay dekha kisi aur kay sath.
Sardar selected a short girl to marry.
Why?
Because guru ji told him
Musibat jitni choti ho utna acha hai ...:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taste this SMS
Did u feel da taste of ginger?
No?
Sure?
Well.....
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Impact of Movies:
Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student:- He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newtons Universal Law Of Love:
Every boy on earth is attracted towards a girl
with a force directly proportional to the figure of the girl
and
Inversely proportional to strength of her brother..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a Party A Handsome guy askd a gal,"r u going 2 dance?"
She felt so happy & said-"yes"
& d guy said-"dats gud,so can i hav ur chair?" :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: I Love You..?
Girl: Hahahahaha
Boy: I Won't Live Without You..?
Girl: Hahahahahahaha
...
Boy: I Will Die For You..?
Girl: Hahahahahahahaha
Boy: I Will Gift You A Gold Ring With Diamond..?
Girl: Awwwww.. Promise ?
.
.
.
Boy: Hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U are a BITCH
Beautiful
Intelligent
Talented
Cute
Hilarious
r u smiling now?
?
?
?
*YOU ARE REALLY BITCH
A person who surrenders when he's WRONG,
is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND.!
AQAL HO NA HO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
& is searching 4 new talent.
I've suggested ur name.
Pls go & meet him.
The movie's name is "AQAL HO NA HO"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kion har bar mosam ki tarah badal jate ho,
Har bar hamara dil dukhatay ho,
Yeh bat sun ker hamari roh tak kanp gaye,
Ae dost tum masjidon se chapal or lote churate ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy friend is fun,
&
Husband is gun,
Boy friend is light of moon,
&
Husband is month of june,
Boy friend is tooty fruity,
&
Husband is qismat phooti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Best Reply Ever By a Girl
When She Is Asked For a Kiss
By Her Boyfri
.
.
Karlo :p
Just do it :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Air & students hv d same mentality
How?
?
?
?
?
Both r turning d book's pages without reading.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did You Know . . .?
That
"HEELS" Are Man's Invention
To Make It Harder For A
Woman To Run Away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Perfectly Legal To
Kill Someone In Your
Dreams,
That's Why
I Wake Up With A Smile Everyday
Good Morning :-)I Made No Resolutions For The New Year.
The Habit of Making Plans,
Criticizing, Sanctioning
And Molding My Life
Is Too Much of
A Daily Event For Me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of Good Luck ...!
Teacher: Hey! Stand up.
Tell me two pronouns.
.
.
.
Student: Who? Me?
Teacher: Very Good, Sit down :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor
when they begin forgetting little things.
Their doctor tells them that many people
find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says,
"Dear, will you please go to the kitchen
and get me a dish of ice cream?
And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband,
"I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some
strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad,
" says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream
with strawberries and whipped cream.
I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen;
his wife hears pots and pans banging around.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen
and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks,
"Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rose
Lotus
Tulip
Orchid
Sunflower
Jasmin
Lilly
All flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,
Kyun K
Gobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again.
Sardar on phone:
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (378 votes, average: 3.84 out of 5)
Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speakin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Fill Up The Blanks :-
Your Name_______
Percentage In SSC_____%
Gender_____
.
.
.
.
Now Read 'Only' The Answers..! :D :D ;) :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kehdo un parhne walon se,
Kabhi hum bhi parha kertay thay,
Jitna syllabus parh k wo top kertay hain,
Utna to hum choice per chor dia kertay thay,
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?
Sardar:Your honour,
it's easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bubbli got caugt on date
on Independance day
.
Major Rohail-
What is this?
.
Bubbli-
Dad today is freedom day,
so let me do what I want
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey friend remember that
without stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Specially dedicated to boys:
A kiss is like a stamp,
Once u stamp a gal,
she wouldn't go anywhere else
Guys r like stamp paper,
jitne bhi lagao kum hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Boy Was Going With His Girl Friend
Friend Asked : Who Is She?
Boy : My Cousin.
The Frend Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin.! :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing a Cockroach on ur bed
is nothing actually....!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Real Problem Starts When It Disappears...!! ;-) :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar said to doctor:Pore jism main
kahin bhi ungli lagao to bohat dard hota hai,
Doctor suggested full body Xray
when he checked, Xray found fracture in "Ungli"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before marriage:
Roses are red, sky is blue,
O my darling! I love you...
After Marriage:
Roses are dead,
I have flu,
don't come near me,
Paray hatt tuu,
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 4.O bunty k pappa
Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any man who can drive safely
while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss
the attention it deserves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 5th standard kid wrote in his maths answr sheet:
Dear Math,
Im sick & tired of finding ur x
Jst accpt d fact dat she's gone!
Move On dude!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When u feel sad....
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
"damn I am really so cute"
u will overcome your sadness.
But don't make this a habit.....
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
koi chez be-wafai se barh ker kia hogi,
Ghum-e-tanhai judai se barh ker kia hogi,
Kisi ko deni ho jawani main saza,
to wo saza PARHAI se barh ker kia hogi:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman is like blue tooth ,
U r next 2 her,
she stays connected,
u go away,
she finds new device
Man is like wi-fi,
many devices can connect 2him at a time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
"what's on the TV?"
and ..... I said, "dust!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only true friends stand by u
during bad times.
I promise
I will attend ur wedding
Baharo phool barsao mera "DOST"aya hai.
Hoto pe muskan, gali me mehak laya hai.
Barso tak thi jise pani se "ELERGY"
Woh aaj "LUX" se nahaya hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil main he mere Dard-e-bhutto
"Dard-e-bhutto"
"Dard-e-bhutto"
Wo hasina wo nilam pari,,
hui thi wo election main khari,,
na jane kahan se goli chal pari,,
hamare lia ho gayi mushkil khari,,
Dil main hay mere
""Dard-e-Bhutto""
""Dard-e-Bhutto""
ha koi muqabla karne wala
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends Are like Priya Gold Biscuit Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newspaper Mein News Lugi K
"50% Of Sardars Are Donkeys"
The Sardars Protested.
Next Day News Lagi K
"50% Of Sardars R Not Donkeys"
The Sardars Celebrated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardars Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Dont Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate Bachelor Again.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is Married Again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a Guy does Something Wrong!
Girl : You broke my Favorite Lamp!
Boy : It was an Accident... I didn't mean to..!
Girl : I can't believe you did this.
Boy : I'm Sorry.. !! :(
When a Girl does Something Wrong!
Boy : You Lost My Dog??!!!
Girl : It was an Accident. I didn't mean to!
Boy : I can't believe you did this.
Girl : I already feel bad about it..!! Stop making me feel Worse..!!
Boy : I'm Sorry..!!:(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Position of husband is like a split A.C.
No matter how loud he is outside,
but inside the house,
he is designed to remain
silent, cool & controlled by remote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
if sumone calls u crazy,dont mind,
if sumone calls u duffer,relax,
if sumone calls u stupid be cool,
but if sumone calls u "cute"
.
.
.
.
lagana thappar os pagal ke monh pe,
mazak ki b koi hud hoti hai
New Economic Analysis:
Its better to have a Long distance Relationship:
Because, S.T.D. rates are much Lower than Fuel Rates.... :-P ;-)
Funny fact of studies
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (58 votes, average: 4.36 out of 5)
This Funny fact always happen wid me:
Study for one Hour-
No One sees.!
.
.
But pick up mobile just 4 a second,
& Mom/Dad enters d room! ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey U Know
Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1
U Know Why??
If she accept its your luck
otherwise just tell April Foooooll.
Could u fax me ur photo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
Mind u - it's really very very urgent,
damn serious and very imp ....
I'm playing cards and
we've misplaced the JOKER.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man at medical store:I need poison
Chemist: I can't sell you that
Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn't knew u had a prescription.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whos hot... Its U,
Whos
Charming... Its U,
Whos
Sweetest.. Its U,
Whos
Intelligent... Its U,
Whos dear & near friend... Its U
Whos a liar.. Its me
Ultimate insult..
I Iove your smile becoz..
.
.
.
.
.
.
My favorite colour is "YELLOW"!! :D'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wanna make money through Facebook...??
Go to:
Account->
account settings->
and click on
De-activate your Account
than
Start Working...!! Lolz :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love Happens Automatically.
.
.
.
Manual Working Of It
Is Called Flirting :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
"I thought It was MONEY"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love is possible after friendship
but
friendship is not possible after love
because
medicines work before death
later nothing can be cured....!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ??
Wife remains silent
Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ??
Wife : Abbe gin ne to D.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a practical Exam
Examiner showed legs of bird n said:Tell the bird's name
Sardar:I dont know
Exminer: U r failed.Wats ur name?
Sardar: You see my legs, and tell me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"
DAD:dear son,why yor sister sitting so silent
SON:Nothing dad sister asked
lipstik, but i gave fevistik.
No chip chip
no chik chik
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab barish hoti hai, Tum yaad aate ho.
Jab kali ghata chaye, Tum yaad ate ho,
Jab bheegte hain tum yaad aate ho,
Bataoo Meri umbrella Kab wapis kro ge!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...
still he was in jail.......why?
coz all the 6 were fire brigade staff !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,"Koun Thi Wo?"
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, Yes dear, I know
but I was in love and didnt notice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa-What Is Difference
Between COFFEE Shop & WINE
Shop?
Banta-COFFEE Shop Is The
Starting Point Of LOVE & WINE
Shop Is Last Point Of LOVE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give me some SunShine..!!!
Give me some Rain..!!
Give me another Girlfriend..!!
I am Single once again..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There have been many time in 2017
when I may disturbed you
troubled u
irritated u
bugged u
.
.
.
.
today I just wanna tell you
.
.
.
.
I plan to continue it in 2017.
Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always think about U.
I cant live without U.
I really need U.
Im totally mad about U.
I just wanna be with U.
Im crazy 4 U.
I wanna marry U.
I LOVE U.
Aisa mujhe bajuwali kehti hai
(My neighbour say all this to me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good teacher according to students is 1 who :
-Should Be Absent At Least 3 Times A Week
-Should Come In Class 10mins Late And Left The Class 10 Mins Earlier
-Should Not Give Any Homework And Assignments
-Should Not Ask Any Questions To Students
-Should Not Disturb The Students By Teaching While They Are Talking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cute love story with happy ending:
One day somebody proposed u!
U said: "i am Not interested."
This way, somebody lived a happy life .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the perfect example
of both Good & Bad Luck?
The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)
but at the same time
Dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to settle abroad?
For Boys:
Study hard
Get good grades
Appear in ielts n toefl
Apply for student visa
Wait for the call
Appear in the interview
Get admission in a university
Get good grades
Search for a job
Work hard, earn well to settle
For Girls:
Marry this guy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pay My Regards To Ur Father
Who Is Tolerating Such A Dumb Duffer Child,
What A Stamina He Has Got..
I Salute Ur Father:p
Happy Father's day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Simple fact:
Boys Can Never B
Satisfied With
3 Things In Life:
-Mobile
-Bike
-Girlfriend
Because;
There Is Always
A Better Model
Available In Future ;)
I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can't send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I'm sending you just 1 joke
.
.
.
"You are so beautiful"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Define a True Music Lover?
A Girl singing in a Bathroom
While Taking Bath
and a Boy Near the Keyhole
is Using His Ears Not His Eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class
Think +ve:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hum ho gaye tumhare tumhe sochne k bad,
Ab na daikhen gay kisi ko tumhe daikhne k bad,
Dunya chor dain gai tumhai chorne k bad,
KHUDA! Maaf kare itne jhut bolne k bad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in
the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****.
Sant: U r wrong. It's 1394.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God thought that since
he couldn't b everywhere
he made a mother.
Then devil thought that
he couldn't be everywhere
he made a mother-in-law.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One million copies of a new book sold
In just 2 days due to typing error of 1 alphabet in title.
"An idea,that can change ur wife''
While real word was(life).
I Cried When I Failed
In 2 Subjects,
.
.
.
.
.
.
But
.
.
.
.
.
.
I laughed When I Came To
Know My Friend Failed In 5
Subjects... ;-) :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
"can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake...:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful flowers die....
Nice stories end......
Lovely songs fade........ ..
Momeries are forgotten... ..
All things comes to end.....
But people like YOU always remain forever
.
.
.
BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Poetry Competition asked For A 2-Line
Rhyme With d Most Romantic 1st Line &
the Least Romantic 2nd Line
There's d Winning Rhymes
My darling, My Love,My Beautiful Wife
Marrying U Ruined,My Whole Life
I c Ur Face When I m Dreaming
That's Why I Always Wake Up Screaming
Kind Intelligent, Loving & Hot
This Describes Everything You r Not
I Love Ur Smile, Ur Face & Ur Eyes
Damn, I'm V Good At Telling Lies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE:-
C-Come,
O-On,
L-Lets,
L-Love,
E-Each,
G-Girl,
E-Equally......
Thats why boys go to college
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smile to old means Respect
Smile to child mean Innocence
Smile to friend means Care
Smile in front of mobile, a mental case!
Still smiling? ;-)
Pagal ey oy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As per research
A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000
Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : U failure !
At ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir,
but at ur age hitler commited suicide
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
"He's not my friend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
twinkle Twinkle little star,
teri girl friend gaye bazar,
us ko mil gaya MAJNO ka pyar,
ab tu beth ker makhiyan maaar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I'm in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man found his wife having affair with a guy.
He decided 2 kill himself & his wife.
Apne kaan pe pistol lagai aur bola-
tu khush mat ho agla number tera hai!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question by a student !!
If a single teacher can't
teach us all the subjects,
Then...
How could you expect a single student
to learn all subjects ?
Cricket is getting excited day by day with the introduction of ICL n T20...
Same rules should be applied in Examz!
(1) Exams Timing Should Be Reduced To One Hour.
(2) Power Play - No Invigilator In Exam Hall For 1st 15 mins.
(3) Cheer Leaders - To Dance After Every Right Answer Written.
(4) Strategic Time-Out - Time For Students For Discussion.
(5) Super Over - Chance For Students To Form Their Own Question. :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband & Wife Were
Arguing Over Some Issue.
After Much Of Discussion,
Wife Finally Said:
"Tell Me Dear ,
Do You Want To Win
OR
Do You Want To Be Happy . . ?
Argument Ended
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The latest slogn of boys:
Pakistan is our nation
Girls are our Destination
Dating is Our Occupation
Flirting is our Profession
Leave about Education
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl:Its 2 tight
Boy:Dont worry,Ill do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I cant,
Gal:Its painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
Well buy new WEDDING RING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
American:-Dogs can find Bombs in my country.
Japanese:-Fish can play Ball in my country.
Pakistani:-Thats not a matter,Monkey can read SMS in my country...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says:Ab bolne se kiya fayidah?
"Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na":D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please
Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 time
GIRLZ OF 1995*
"AGAR TUM MIL JAO ZAMANA CHOIR DENGE HUM"
GIRLZ OF 2007*
AGAR TUM MIL JAO PURANA CHOR DENGE HUM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don't worry, I have a one more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband said to his wife One day
"I don't know how you can be so stupid
&
so beautiful all at the same time"
The wife responded ,
"Allow me to explain,
God made me beautiful
so you would be attracted to me ;
God made me stupid
so I would be attracted to you !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message &
Donkey deletes this message.
Choice is yours
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roses r lal
skies r nila,
ur brain is like khali patila.
Bura man liya?
O.K
Roses r red
skies r blue,
I born smart
what d hell hapened to u.
Thora sa or bura manlo :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Open with Love...
If I disturb U
I am Sorry!
But I need
To Say
I...
Love...
Disturbing you...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once A Girl Askd Her Bf :
Why We Have Units To Measure
Weight, Height & Distance
But
Not Love, Friendship & Trust?
.
Boy Thought For A While
.
.
.
Took Her In His Arms,
Looked Deep In Her Eyes & Said
Look, DON'T Eat My Brain!
I Have Already Failed In Physics :p:D
Q: What did the gangster's son
tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but I never told them anything."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.
But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.
Think different.
Add wife, have life :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomorrow is my exam
But I don't care
Because a single sheet of paper
can't decide my future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wats d height of hope??
It is: sittin in d exam hall,
holdin d question paper in hand
n tellin ur self
"dude,dnt worry.
Exams wil get postponed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don't have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1st Man: Which Is The Best Month
To Get Married..?
2nd Man: Octemb ruary
1st Man: Don't Be Silly,
There Is No Such Month
2nd Man: Exactly
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love everybody.
Some I love to be around,
Some I love to avoid,
and
others I would love to punch in the face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Promise me we are true friends
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey
Friends r like fishes.
U have to sit patiently for a long time
to catch a good one.
Just like I caught u.
so better stay nice otherwise
I will FRY YOU..;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Youing Couple Were
Having Their First Fight
And It Was A Big One
After A While,
The Husband Said:
"When We Got Married,
You Promised To Love,
Honor n Obey"
His Bride Replied:
"I Know But I Didn't
Want To Start An
Argument In Front Of
All Those People At d
Wedding"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Oxymoron's:
(An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together)
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
&
the Mother of all
11) Happily Married
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Angry Wife To
Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ... ?"
Husband:
Darling You Remember That
Jewelery Shop Where You Saw
The Diamond Necklace n Totally
Fell In Love With It n I Didn't
Have Money That Time n I said
"Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... " O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing:
Yeah I Remember That My Love !
Husband:
I m In The Pub Just Next To That Shop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jis waqt khuda ne tumhain banaya hoga,
ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...
pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..
phir ussay zoo ka khayal aaya hoga...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it's your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A ThermoMeter is n0t the 0nly thing
that gets a "DEGREE" without having a "BRAIN"...! :p
A silent msg f0r all studnts;-)
An Intelligent Wife Is One
Who Makes Sure She Spends
So Much
That
Her Husband
Can't Afford Another
Women" :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
dont discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people ask the secret
of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant
two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music
and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question: "How to kill an ant?"
Asked in an exam for 10 marks!
Student:
Mix chilli powder with sugar,
&
Keep it outside the ant's hole
After eating,
ant will search for some water near a water tank.
Push ant in to it!
Now ant will go to dry itself near fire,
When it reaches fire, put a bomb into d fire!
Then admit wounded ant in icu!
And then
remove oxygen mask from it's mouth and kill the ant :-|
Moral:
Don't play with students!
They can do any thing for 10 marks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u know similarity
between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
?
?
?
?
Both don't exist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a school function
A K.G boy started closing his ears with
both hands,
when girl was about to start her speech
Others asked him Why r you closing your ears?
He replied: Dude, She is my Girlfriend n She is
gonna start her speech with
.
.
.
.
.
.
My Dear Brothers n Sisters :-)
Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad,
just a radio with a sports car around it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHY STUDENT FAIL
Sundays-52 in a year,Days left 313
Summer holidays 50,Days left 263
8 hrs daily sleep-130 days GONe, Days left 141
1 hr daily playing means 15 days,Days left 126
2 hrs daily for eating means 30 days.Days left 96,
1 hr talking means 15 days.,Days left 81
Exams days 35 days,Days left 46
Eid & Gov holidays 20, Days left 26
Movies,TV at least 25 days,Days left 1
That 1 day is your BIRTHDAY.
Hun banda SALGIRHA waly din bhi parhy?
Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane.
You drop one outside. How many are left?
Applicant: That's easy, 499
Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.
Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.
Interviewer: It's lion's birthday,
all the animals are there except one, why?
Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.
Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Applicant: She just crosses it
because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.
Interviewer: Last question.
In the end the old lady still died, Why?
Applicant: Err....I guess she drowned?
Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why love marriage
is better than arranged???
Because
"A KNOWN DEVIL
IS BETTER THAN
AN UNKNOWN GHOST"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question:
Why most of the engineering students
Can't clear all subjects in 1st attempt..?
?
?
?
Answer:
Smooth roads never make good drivers,
Clear sky never makes good pilots
&
Clearing all subjects in the 1st attempt,
Never makes good engineers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After massive demand from all husbands...
A new app called,"Fear" is launched in IPHONE 7
You just say ,"Wife"
and it immediately closes all websites,
hides all chats,
shuts down all games,
hide all special folders
and
deletes chat history!
and best above all,
it puts your wife's photograph as a wallpaper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One boy went to meet his girlfriend
when he came back at home
mom asked
kahaan gaey they ?
boy:us se milney
mom: kis liye?
boy: haan bohat kiss liye:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil ka dard dil torrne waley kiya jaaney,
Pyar ke rivajon ko zamana kiya jaaney,
Hoti hai kitni takleef larrki ko pataney main,
Ye ghar pe baitha larki ka baap kiya jaaney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diff B/W Ignorance & selfcontrol?
When u c mirror & u don't laugh at yourself,
that is ignorance!
&
When i look at u & i don't laugh,
thats called self control:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy askd girl: y do u love a rose,
Which dies in a day. But
Don't love me,
Who dies 4 u everyday??
Girl replied:
.
Oye hoye...
What a dialogue
2 MEN TALKING
1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?
Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman Buys A New Sim
Card Puts It In Her Phone
And Decides To Surprise Her
Husband Who Is Seated On
The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen,
Calls Her Husband With
The New Number:
"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds
In A Low Tone:
"Let Me Call U Back
Later Honey, The Dumb
Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of confidence
Once many professors were called and asked to sit in an airplane.
After they sat. They were informed that the plane is made by their students.
All of them ran and got out of plane exdcept one.
People asked him the reason
He said,"If it's made by my students it will not even start."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question : Why do girls close
their eyes while kissing a guy?
Guess
Guess
.
.
.
Answer : Yeh ladkiyan ladkon
ko kabhi khush nahi dekh sakti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True bravery is to arrive home ...
fully drunk..
a late night out..
and mom waiting with a jharu
in hand and you ask
"hey mom, abhi tak jaag rahi ho."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just feel u....
Whenever I feel u....
I just miss u .....
Whenever i miss u ....
I just wanna See u ....
Do u know why.......
It's juts because ............
******I LOVE CARTOONS*******
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Kashif, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Kashif: I is ......
TEACHER: No, Kashif. Always say, "I am."
Kashif: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
.
.
.
chand to tum ho hi,
sitaray bhi saath hote!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came n asked- what happen son?
Kid said-I cant adjust with your wife anymore,
I want my own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
"We want 2 disturb some good person."
I suggest them your name.
They said,
"We cannot disturb our boss."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
To aaj ke lunch ka bill tu bhar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In an African Safari,A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE-Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA-Yes Yes.I'm changing d battery of my camera..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know
how it feels to love
someone who doesnt
love you ?
.
.
.
.
.
Its like
waiting for a boat at the airport
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans:
Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
&
Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hum chat par charhe patang urane ke bahane,
Wo bhi chat par aayi kapde sukhane ke bahane,
Uske mummy ne jo dekha ye haseen nazara,
Jhadu le aayi wo bandar bhagane ke bahane.
Mere dost tanhai me na waqt bitaya karo,
Kabhi kabhi mehfilon me bhi aaya karo,
Kiya hua jo toot gaye hen samney k 4 dant,
Phir bhi moun khol ker muskuraya karo..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Apna samjho ya baigana,
Hamara aapka rishta he purana,
Is liye farz tha aap ko batana,
kay garmiyan aa gayi hain,
Ab shuru ker do roz nahana!
jao nahao (,?. *,?.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
"Hi,wat ru doin?"
His honest reply,"MISSING U"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than
his wife can spend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful marriage is based
On give & take:
Where husband gives money,
Gifts, dresses n wife takes it
&
Where wife gives advices, lectures,
Tensions & husband takes it..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God has given many qualities to you,
Good look, personality, charm, intelligence,
And many more......this is call as
"Allah meherbaan to gadha bhi pehalwan..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2017 is coming
Wish u a very
Happy new year
Valentine's day
Basant
23rd march
14 august
Eid ul fitr
Eid ul azha
Friendship day
Mother, father
Dadi, dada
Nana, nani
Children's day
Happy b'day
365 good mornings
After noons, evenings'
& nights
Roz roz ka drama nahi
Hota mujh se
Ab pura saal mat kehna
SMS nahi kia
Difference between Husband & gadha.
Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : Correct the sentence,
"A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : "A cow and a bull is grazing in the field"
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Positive thinking is like.....
U r standing on the middle of the road.........
&
suddenly a crow beats on your head....
But you remain calm...
and thanks to God...
that cows dont fly:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Positive-thinking poem:
Little bird in the sky
Droping shit into ur eye
U don't worry u don't cry,
U just thank God that,
Cows do not fly
Always b positive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U r a nice person...
but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning...
1st. pray to God so that u can live....
2nd.take a bath so that others can live....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Hear about the terrorist
that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one
every hour if his demands weren't met.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.
Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin ker sakta:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to the Police Station wishing
to speak with the burglar who had
broken into his house the night before.
Youll get your chance in court, said the Police officer.
No, no no! said the man.
I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. Ive been trying for years.
4 Stages of marriage:
Mad for each other.
Made for each other.
Mad at each other.
Mad bcoz of each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples
Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are on of them...)
Never be Prouf of Your Choices...
(Your Wife is one of them...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two type of studies:
1 - hard subjects which Cannot be studied.
2 - easy subject that Doesn't need to be studied
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked "what you did till evening?"
Sardar :"Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patient : What are the chances
of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent.
Medical records show that
nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before Marriage:-
He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait
she:do you want me 2 leave?
He: No! don't even think about it
She: do you love me ?
He:ofcourse! over n over!
She:have u ever cheated on me?
He:No!y r u even asking?
She:will u go on wid me on picnic?
He:every chance I get!
She:will u hit me ?
He:R u crazy?I'm not that kind of person!
She:can I trust u?
He:yes..
She: Darling!
After marriage...
Now simply read from bottom to top
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having "WIFE" Is A
Part Of Living...
But
Having "GIRLFRIEND"
Along With The "WIFE" Is
Art Of Living
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height of coolness:
2 Guys coming out of the examination Hall with chips and coke in hands....
1st guy:which paper was it?
2nd guy:I think maths......
1st guy:(surprisingly) you read the question paper?
2nd guy: no I see a girl sitting besides me using calculator:
Little johnny: Mam,will you punish me
for something that I didn't do ?
Teacher : Not at all.
Little johnny : That's good.
Actually i didn't do my homework!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words Written Above A Classroom Clock.
This Clock Will Never Be Stolen,
Coz Too Many Students Are Watching It..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....
until you fall in love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to hell and asked
the Yamraj if he can call his wife.
yamraj said "u can do that"
after man spoke to his wife..
he asked how much to pay yamraj
yamraj said.."hell to hell is free"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breaking News
ATM @ Gulshan-e-Iqbal Is Jammed &
Not In Working Condition
.
.
.
Because
.
.
.
Sardar's Wife Put Hair pin In Machine
When It Said", Enter Ur PIN" ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Good Teacher Is Who
Tells To Study Hard...
But,,
A Best Teacher Is Who
Stands Outside D
Examination Hall N Shouts. . .
"OYE CHECKING WALE AA GAYE
APNI APNI PARCHIY CHUPA LO..." =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband is someone who,
after taking the trash out,
gives the impression
he just cleaned the whole house.
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference b/w shit & Oohh shit:
.
A boy Threw a love letter to a girl
.
but it fell on her brother..
Shittt!
.
And Her brother was GAY..
Oohh ShIt
:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOVE YOUR HUSBAND
When he orders you to make tea or coffee.
He wants to feel fresh to listen to your nostop talks.
Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females.
He is just checking that you are still the best.
Love him if he criticize your cooking.
He is still improving his taste.
Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep.
He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you.
Love him if forgets to give you a gift on your birthday.
He is saving money for future.
Love him Because...
You don't have a Choice...
and killing is a legal offense
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Small Boy Took A Knife
And Wrote His Girlfriends Name 0n His Hand..
After A Minute He Started Crying Loudly..
Why ???
.
.
.
Paining ???
.
.
.
No !!
.
.
.
Then ???
.
.
.
Spelling Mistake !!! :O
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Truth-
No one is as ugly as their driving license/ identity card picture,
nor as good-looking as their facebook profile pic..! :D ;)
Don't drink unboiled water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attention plz...!
Don't drink unboile
.
.
Fish live in water without pampers..
Seriously..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl : I'm warning you
My Mummy is coming back in half an hour..
Boy : But I'm not doing anything..
Girl : That's why I'm warning you..
Hurry up ! :D :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife : I saw in my dream
that u were buying a diamond ring 4 me
.
.
.
Husband : i saw your dad paying da bill
Sardarji was asked,
what is a adult joke?
Reply came
any joke which is eighteen years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choosing Career Is Like
Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls.
Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful,
Intelligent, Kindest Woman,
There's Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9 :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy with a sweet girl entered a jewellery shop
&
Choose a ring worth 8 lacs for her.
Gave a cheque & said she will collect ring on Monday after the cheque is cleared.
.
On Monday.
Jeweller called boy:
There's no money in your account.
Boy:
I know,
But, you can't imagine what a weekend I enjoyed:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A New Added element to the Periodic Table.
Element Name:GIRL
Symbol: G
Atomic Weight:dont even dare to ask :-D
Physical Properties..
*boils at anything
*can freeze at anytime
*melts if handled wid love n care
*very bitter if mis handled
Chemical Properties.
*very reactive
*highly unstable
*posses strong affinity for gold n silver
*money reducing agent
*volatile when left alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
I Wonder If 1 Day
Somebody Will Ever Come
N
Knock 0n My Door
N
Tell Me
"Hey , V Have 7 Mutual Friends
In FACEBOOK "
Can I Come In ... =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay.
The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked
"Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..
The story continues....
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing.
He said your husband has blocked your credit card.
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband.
Story continues....
Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse
and uses it to clear all the bills.
Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All say that love is more important than money..
Have u ever tried paying ur bill with a hug.. ? ? :P ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: How Do You Differentiate
"WIFE" & "MOTHER"
SARDAR:
Before Marriage We Sleep With "MOTHER"
&
After Marriage
We Sleep With Our "WIFE"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Men n Women Don't Understand Each Other?
Bcoz
God Gave Good Brains To Men
n
Good Hearts To Women
But
Men Use Their Hearts
&
Women Use Their Brains
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Sardar: BA
Professor:For sodium?
Sardar: NA
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Sardar: BANANA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: why r u arrested?
Sardar: for shopping early?
Judge: well, that's not a crime,
anyway how early were u shopping?
Sardar: before opening the shop.....:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone Asked Shakespeare:
"U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?"
He Showed Him A Calendar N Said
"A Week Has 7 Days;
Can U Say Which Day Is Younger,
Either Sunday Or Saturday ??
So, Love Comes From Heart Not In Age"
Love Has No Age.
-MORAL:
Senior Girls R Also Available For Boys:P
Do the following !!!
1) go to google translate
2) type in "Who said to sell pepsi for Rs.65?"
3) translate English to Arabic
4) Copy the Arabic version
5) choose translation from Arabic to English
6) and the truth will be unleashed!!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Put ur hand on a Hot Pan,
a second seems an hour,
But put ur hand on a Hot Girl
An hour seems a second
That's Einstein's theory of Relativity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar was busy removing
a wheel from his auto.
A man asks sardar why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher:
What should be in a
book to make it a bestseller?
Tommy:
A girl on the cover
and
no cover on the girl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you Like me as I am??
Or do I haVe
.
Request GOD to impRove your taste ?? :D
By wife ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police Officer: I arrest people, But, when I go home, I'm under house arrest, by Wife
Professor: I give lectures to students, But, when I go home, I get Lectured hourly, by wife
CEO: I'm the Boss, But, when I go home, I always feel like an employee, by wife
Judge: I give Justice, but when I go home, I Beg for Justice, by wife
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"Hey vaheguru meri lottery lagady."
After 11 years VaheGuru angrily appeared
& said,"Khoti de putar 1 vari ticket te le ley"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rich Man: Today, I have 14 Cars,
18 Bikes, 4 Bungalows, 3 Farm Houses
What do you have?
Poor Man: I have a boy
whos Girl Friend is
.
.
.
.
Your Daughter..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss hangs a poster in Office
"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.
"Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband wife watching an IPL match together:
After 5 minutes:
Wife: Is this Bret Lee?
Husband: No, this is Chris Gayle, Bret Lee is a bowler.
Wife: Okay, oh look, another wicket.
Husband: No, this is just a replay of the last one.
Wife: Hmm, looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It's Bangalore vs Mumbai.
Wife: How many runs they need to win now?
Husband: 72 runs in 36 balls.
Wife: Eh! That's easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball.
Husband: *Turns off the TV*
Wife: Turns it on again and starts watching "Daily serial"
Husband: Who is girl here ?
Wife: Don't disturb me please .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best quote of advertisment
written in front of a famous beauty parlour :
"Don't whistle at the girl going out from here,
She might b ur grand mother..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him,
"Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
Sardar : "Ya sure, from landline or mobile".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight.
.
.
.
Dad asked: "how did u feel?"
.
.
.
It replied: "Dad it was wonderful. evry1 ws clappin 4 me"
Moral: Take evrything positively
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
OF THEM..:-P
Man outside phone booth: Excuse me !!
You are holding the phone since 20 mins.
&
haven't spoken a word..!!!
Man inside: I'm talking to my wife
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Interesting Confusions"
1. Can u cry under water?
2. Do fish ever get thirsty?
3. Why don't birds fall out of trees when they sleep?
4. What do u call a male lady bird?
5. Why is it called building when it's already built?
6. When they say dog food is new & improved in taste, who tastes it?
7. If money doesn't grow on trees then why banks have branches?
8. Why does a round pizza come in sqaure box?
9.Why doesn't glue, stick to its bottle;-)..!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ECG if u go out with wife
/l__,-.__/\_,_,-.
ECG if u go out with girlfriend
_/l_/l_/l_/l_/\_/\_
ECG if wife catches u with girlfriend...
/\________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Height Of Illiteracy:
You Take A Blade
And
Write Your Lovers Name On Your Arm.
.
.
.
.
And
Make A Spelling Mistake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭⧭The difference between scientific theory and reality
is like the difference between
reading the menu and⬇⬇ eating dinner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬐Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
Shetext back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied,
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interviewer:what is skeleton?
Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person
who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cutest Proposal -
A Boy Rings D Door-Bell Of A Girls Home.
&
Asks ,
"Do U Belive In Love At First Sight
Or
Should I Come Back Again.."
1st ever intelligent sardar.
Teacher: what do u call a person
who cannot hear anything?
sardar: u can call him anything,
because he cannot hear anything:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪⧪In bio practical:
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it's legs only?
Sardar:I don't know.
Examiner:You failed, what's your name?
Sardar:See my legs &⬐⬐⬐ tell my name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and you are the sim card
BOY:I m very happy. . .
Gal:dont b too happy. . .
If I get a new offer
I will change the sim card..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worlds smallest resignation letter?
Respected sir,
I love Ur wife.
Thank you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪⧪A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
Audience was in shock and silence..
He added: "she was my mother"
A big round of applause & laughter!
A very daring husbnd tried to crack this at home
After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker
by the time he gained his senses,
he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: don't copy if u can't paste!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭⧭A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.
Waiter: Oh! you can't get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ghalib ne girlfriend ko date per bulaya wo late aayi,
Girl: Am I late⬇⬇⬇
Ghalib:
Falak pey chand sitaron ko neend aarahi hai,
Doosri ka time ho gaya hai, tu ab aa rahi hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.
He asks, "How's the situation?"
He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.
They said, "It's fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,
last one was a duck!
The best feature of iPhone 6 is
that if you hold it upside down
it becomes iPhone 9.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬈⬈Our friendship means a lot to me.
U cry i cry.
U laugh i laugh.
U jump out of the window
I look down & then
.
.
.
I laugh again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭⧭Sardar to doctor:
When I sleep, monkeys
play football in my dreams.
Dr:No problem,
just take this medicine b4 sleep.
Sardar: Kal se khaonga aaj final hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardarji's boy asked his dad:
What is a grownup joke?
Sardar ji replied:
any joke which is eighteen years old
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband's coat from 20 meters,
but can't see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . . :-D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Misuse of English!
A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So da Teacher Drew The Diagram On Da Blackboard
&
said:
"Dont Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure":D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬈Sardar english k paper main fail ho gaya,
He did translation:
1.Main aam admi nahi hon
I'm not a mango man
2.Sarda or garma fruit hain.
Colda & hota r fruits
3.Mujhey bhi english ati hay
English comes 2 me also
4.do ro do chaar.
give and give four.
5.Mera taluk hari pur hazara se hay
I belong 2 green pur thousanda:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.
🔻🔻READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE.
On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.
A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.
Old man advised
"DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK othrwise YOU'll face problem"
Man finished the book with great fear but didnt open the last page.
.
.
.
But,after a week,
Out of curiousity he opend the last page and..
he almost fainted to see..
.
.
.
Retail Price: Rs 30/-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardar had a child after 3 month of marriage.
He asked his wife ye 3 month k bad bacha kaise howa?
Wife replied:tumhari shadi ko kitna arsa hua?
sardar:3 months.
Wife: or meri shadi ko ?
Sardar: 3 months
Wife: or bacha kitne month k baad?
Sardar:3 month.
Wife: total kitne hue?
Sardar: oye 9 months & start dancing
Balle Balle;->
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free
🔝🔝After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply...
"Which Trip🔝🔝
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 friends,
"see" & "saw":
1 day "see" saw sea & "saw" didnt see sea.
"See" saw sea and jumped in sea.
"Saw" didnt see sea but jumped in sea.
"See" saw "saw" in sea & "saw" saw "see" in sea.
"See" "saw" both saw sea & both "saw" & "see" were happy to see Sea.
That is how to exercise your brain..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬇⬇Dil k zakham kisi ko dikha na sako ge,
Dil mein jo he kisi ko bata na sako ge,
Karoo ge jawani me jo girlfriend pe kharche,
Budhape tak udhar chuka na sako gay:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝Sardar 2 friend: Guess how many
coins I have in my pocket?
Friend:If I guess right, u give me 1?
Sardar:Oji, 🔝🔝I will give both of them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life has so much 2 teach us,1 famous Chinese poet said
"Sifgliyo chi chongloma cyona sung una sevol ping pinago ching"
Really touching na?
I almost cried...
What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
.
.
.
Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Train main 1 machar 1 chinese k sar pe baitha,
woh usko pakar k kha gaya!
Phir 1 machar memon pe baitha,
us ne pakar k chinese say pocha:
.
.
.
.
.
Khareedo gay?:D:D:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝🔝1 larki ki dua🔝🔝
Kasam se her larkay ko bhula dungi,
Sab hi ki tasveerain jala dungi,
Ek tum hi raho gay is dil main,
Balance dalwa do tumhe dua dungi,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is nothing without LOVE,
Love is emotion & Kiss is practical,
don't get emotional, yar just b practical
So STOP loving and START Kissing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Importance of thumb...
Children use it 4 chewing
Illiterate people use it 4 sign
Winners 4 victory
.
.
AND
.
.
My FANS use it 4 reading my messages
.
.
.
.
.
Oh....u toooo?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝irl: if u will try 2 kiss me, main shore macha dungi.
Boy:Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl: i know but formality to poori karni hi padegi..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝🔝Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do u want to hear a dirty joke?
.
.
.
Are you sure?
.
.
.
Ok, here you go...
.
.
.
A white horse fell in the mud
⧬⧬A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didnt see her......
Tuesday and wednesday passed too.....
On thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the
Corner of one eye⧭⬈⬈⬈
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoslay saray azma baithay,
Hum zamanay k ghum utha baithay,
Jis ki chahat main umer bhar tarpay,
Us ki shadi ki biryani kha baithay:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A : u r Active
B : u r Best
C : u r Cute
D : u r my Dearest
E : u r Excelant
F : u r alwayz First
G : u r Great
Sorry cant lie till Z...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬇⬇Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nahi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bhi koi scene nahi hai,
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab say haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ladies hostel caught Fire
It took 1 hour to bring the Fire under control
& another 3 hrs 2 bring d Firemen
under control🔁🔁🔁
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happens when a lion roars thrice?
-
-
-
-
-
Think
-
-
-
-
-
Any guess?
-
-
-
-
-
Ok i will tell you..
-
-
-
-
-
Tom & jerry cartoon begins!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When u feel lonely and alone
& cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⬆⬆Khuda ke Ghar say Kuch Gadhey farar hogaye
kuch to pakray gayai⬱⬱⬱
kuch hamare yaar hogaye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.
Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Malika plays roll of Draupadi,
Duryodhan will say pheli bhabhi ko sari to pehna,
hum to dekhen ye vastro mein kaisi lagti hai..?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab sey tumhain jana hai,
jab sey tumhain paaya hai,
har dua mein tera naam aaya hai,
Ta k poochhu rab say
.
.
.
.
ki yeh kaisa namoona banaya hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T🔝🔝his cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat,
keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,
20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aisi apni wife ho
aisi apni wife ho
5.5 jiski hight ho
jeans jiski tight ho
chehra jiska bright ho
waight main thori light ho
umer main diffrence slight ho
thori se woh quite ho
to mamorable her ek night ho
aisi apni wife ho
sarak per sub kaheen kia cute hey
bheer main sub kaheen pakistan ki paidaish h0
beauty multyply by twice ho
favorite color white ho
make up thora light ho
⬐⬐zulfain dynamite hoon
aankheen us ki jaisey sunny twilight ho
hoonton ko dekh ker lagey jaisey coke diet ho
jub sari pehan ker nikley to kia sight ho
aisa lagey jaisey swtizerland ki flight ho
aisi apni wife ho agar aisi apni wife ho tu kia haseen life ho..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl ask to moulvi! can i kiss a man?
moulvi says: astaghfirullah! astaghfirullah!
girl: can i kiss a boy?
moulvi: laahulawala quwata.........
girl: can i kiss u?
moulvi: Bismillahh bismillah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Us nay kaha kon ho Tum?
Main nay kaha Hasrat Tumari
Us nay kaha Taktey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Surat Tumhari
Us ne kaha kartey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Pooja Tumhari
Us nay kaha Kaafir ho kya?
Main nay kaha aisa hi sahi
Us nay kaha chatey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Mohabbat Tumhari
Us nay kaha Pachtaoge,
Main nay kaha KismatHamari
Us nay Kaha Married hoon mai.
Main nay kaha Sorry BAJI
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪⧪A scientist cannot b a president,but kalam did it.
A conductor cannot b a superstar,but Rajini did it.
A monkey cannot operate mobile,
but u mere lal, mind blowing....
🔀🔀Aaj kuch ghabraaye se lagte ho,
Thand se kuch kap-kapaaye se lagte ho,
Nikhar kar aayi hai soorat aapki,
BAHUT DINO🔝🔝 KE BAAD NAHAAYE SE LAGTE HO..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once, Boss, Officer & Clerk going 4 a meeting.
They saw a Jin.
Jin said: As i fulfill 3 wishes at a time
But u r 3 persons so i will fulfill 1 wish for each.
Clerk said: Send me to America with a lot of money clerk disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Officer said: Send me to Paris with a lot of beautiful girls. officer disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Jin said to Boss: what is ur wish?
He said: "I want these two idiots back at office after lunch."
Moral: Always Let the BOSS SPEAK 1st
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Imagine world without girls
roads sunsan markets viran
na janu na jan
na koi girl friend k liye preshan
bas namaz & quran
&
sarey larke direct jannat ul maqam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪⧪Once an old man was waiting for a train, sitting on a bench.
A young boy came to him and asked the time.
Old man refused to tell the time.
Boy insisted again & again but old man denied again & again.
Boy asked the reason?
Old man said if i tell you the time,
then you will ask about me,my name,job etc.
Then i will ask about you,both of us will be frank.
By chance you may get the seat with me.
Then you may get down at my station.
My daughter will come to receive me.
She will meet you. She is beautiful.
You may fall in love ⭂⭂with her,she too.
Then she may insist to marry u, even may threaten me.
And i am sorry that
I dont want such a poor son in law
⧪⧪who hasn't his own watch to see the time. ;-) :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worlds shortest jokes:
1) 2 Women r sitting quiet.
2) 2 Sardars r playing chess.
3) ⬆⬆GirlFriend pays the bill...!!!
Need more???
U r beautiful.:-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr.Bean Science
.
Major Rohail:
I was stuck in ELEVATOR for 3 hrs
Due to electric failure
Mr.Bean:
Ya me too
I was stuck on ESCALATOR for 5 hrs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
u r...
A B C D E F G H I J K L
A=Aachhe
B=Briliant
C=Cool
D=Dashing
E=Emotional
F=Fantastic
G=Great
H=Hot
I=Intelligent
&
JKL=Joke Kaisa Laga.
🔀A ship was sinking.
Captain: Does any one know how to pray?
A priest comes forward and says he can pray.
Captain: Ok priest, you pray;
Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket
as we are one jacket short.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝TERROR JOKE -
What will happen
if u throw an AMPLIFIER into the sea?
TSUNAMI will be created
since an amplifier converts
small waves into ⬈bigger wave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 points that prove you are a normal student
1:unnecessary talk on phone and messages
2:Plan each day to study but end of the day KAL SAY PAKA
3:you have all the data but you work before the dead line
4:right now you are thinking of forwarding this message to your friends
5:on each point you smile because it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I open my eyes every morning
I pray to God that everyone should
have a friend like you....
Why should only i suffer!!! ha ha ha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl:How much do you love me?
Boy:My heart is a mobile and you are its SIM
Girl:Ooh God.. I am soo lucky..
.
.
.
.
.
.
She doesn't know that my mobile is dual sim :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H⬆i i am marrying next week
there will be a small party and
only few persons will be invited
Hey don't bring any gift
just bring SOMEONE to marry me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔀Someday you may lose your hair.
you may lose your teeth- oyur money & even lose your mind.
But 1 thing you will never loose is oyur good looks.
🔀because you cant lose what you don't have!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: Will U marry , after I die.
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will U marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.
Teacher says to student, In Algebra
A=B
&
B=C.
It means A=C.
Now give relevant example.
Student: Sir, I love you & You love your daughter,
It means that I love your daughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭⧭Future plans of childrens:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Adnan: I want 2 b a pilot.
Wakeel: I want 2 b a doctor.
Bina: I want 2 b a good mother.
Shariq : I want 2 help⬐⬐ Bina.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝I always think about U.
I can't live without U.
I really need U.
I'm totally mad about U.
I just wanna be with U.
I'm very desperate for U.
I'm crazy 4 U.
I wanna marry U🔝🔝🔝🔝.
I LOVE U.
That's all what my mama say to me:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪If:-
R u emotionally dumbed
Creatively challenged?
Artistically void?
Socially hopeless?
And financially desperate?
Congrats you are a
PAKISTANI🔀🔀🔀🔀
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choose four
Select three
Love two
And
Marry one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧪On Ur Single Smile Thousands People Die So
Keep Smiling n
Reduce Population Of PAKISTAN
But.
Never Smile In Front Of Da Mirror
Warna
🔝Lene K Dene Par Jayen Gay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aik Pagal: "Mujhe Katrina ne shadi k lye haan bol di hai"
Doosra: "Dikha di na usne apni auqat.
Main bhi itni asani se tallaaq nahi dunga." :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a girl's speaking 2 a boy........
u r very handsome.
u r very cute.
u r very sweet.
ooph.......sorry.
i can't call u sweet....
because ants will finish u.
UNIVERSAL TRUTH :
⬆When girls wear tight fittings,
Neither they are
Comfortable
Nor
Boys are comfortable⧬⧬⧬. !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6⬇ things can come at any time:
1.love
2.friendship
3.money
4.death
5.illness
-
-
-
6.susu: isliye karke sona .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝An Aeroplane asks a Rocket
How is that you can fly so fast?
The Rocket replies you will know the pain
⬈when they put fire at your back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dabbay main dabba dabay main khargosh,
Uncle nay aankh mari aunty bay-hosh...;):D:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card,
it says,"To the only boy I ever loved!"
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⭂Y do couples hold hands during their wedding?
Its a formality just like two boxers
shaking hands before the fight begins!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How will a rat purpose a cat...??
?
..??
?
"Billo Rani Kaho Tou Abhi Jaan De Doon..
O Billo Rani..!!;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can u dance?
?
?
?
No!
.
.
.
Sure
.
.
.
Just try it
.
.
.
Sure u cant
.
.
.
That means u r pappu!!!
.
.
.
Because pappu cant dance ..
🔝Sumeone Kills AMIR'S GF
& He Loses His Memory.
Than He Tries To Find out D Killer.
Suspense:AMIR Himself Is D Killer.
Now Enjoy 🔀Watchng GHAJINI :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: what is meant by
"I MISS YOU"
.
.
.
.
Pathan: Is ka matlab hai
"Mein tumhari miss hon!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝Life while doing m.b.b.s
1sr yr: yahoo i'm in Medical college
2nd yr: kahan phans Gaya? Help me
3rd yd: severe Migraine, sometimes Pagalpan bhi
4th yr: aah soon it'll b over
5th yr: finaly it'll b over
House job: i did it
Job : i love myself
W8 a min !
Something is missing
.
.
.
.
Ohhh !!! Meri "jawani":(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If u have 1 father, call me.
If u have 2 fathers, sms me.
If u have 3 fathers, miss call me.
If i m your father, just ignore this message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus
with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
🔝Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝A Solid reason for having 2 girlfriends at one time:
Monopoly is always damaging
&
Competition improves service!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Send me SMS on these time
Morning
6am To 12pm
Noon
12pm To 4pm
Evening
4pm To 8pm
Night
8pm To 6am
Baki Time Tang Mat Karna
Kam Karna Hota Hai :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains.
So what do the rest have?
.
They have girl friends:p
Graduation Speech:
I Would Like To Thank,
The Internet, Google, Wikipedia,
Microsoft 0ffice And
Copy Paste. . . !! =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wonderful confession by a girl in church and amazing reply she got
🔝She:i m in love with a boy who is far away from me
I m in india and he lives in uk
🔝We met on marriage website
Became friends on fb
Had long chats on whatsapp
Proposed each other on skype
N now 2 months of relationship through viber
I need ur blessings and good wish oh god
Guy besides her said: now get married on twitter
Have fun on tango
Buy your kids from ebay
Send them through gmail
And if u r fed up with ur husband or kids toh unko OLX pe bech de
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
jeevan me paise, pyaar, dost,
sab kuch aata hai jaata hai,
par tode gaye daant phir nhi aate,
samajhdar ho ummeed hai msg bhejte rahoge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝A love letter from biscuit maker:
Dear marie, today is good day,
u r anmol for me...
but u have crack jacked my heart,
bcoz i have a little heart,
now i m in 50/50 position...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a man is allowed to select a girl
from 90 girls
and
Even if most beautiful is picked,
🔝There's still the pain of losing
the remaining EIGHTY NINE....:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝My Girlfriend Told Me
If I Bought Her One More Stupid Gift
She Would Burn It
So I Bought her A Candle :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What does ILU means?
I= I
L= Love
U=Urdu
so I love urdu...
tum kya samjhey they...
I love ullu..
to haan mein tum say bhi pyar karta hoon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🔝Americans make a car
& 2 get some touch ups
They snd it 2 Japan
& they add a faster engine
Thn Japan sent it 2 UK
Who then added tinted windows
Who thn sent d car to China.
They added a better interior.
Thn they sent it 2 Pakistan.
Pakistani luk @ d car & see
What a good job all of them have done.
So they flip the car over
&
Put a stamp on MADE IN PAKISTAN
I= I
L= Love
U=Urdu
so I love urdu...
tum kya samjhey they...
I love ullu..
to haan mein tum say bhi pyar karta hoon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⧭Americans make a car
& 2 get some touch ups
They snd it 2 Japan
& they add a faster engine
Thn Japan sent it 2 UK
Who then added tinted windows
Who thn sent d car to China.
They added a better interior.
Thn they sent it 2 Pakistan.
Pakistani luk @ d car & see
What a good job all of them have done.
So they flip the car over
&
Put a stamp on 🔝MADE IN PAKISTAN
I wrote your name on sand,
it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,
it was blown away.
I wrote your name on my heart &
i got Heart Attack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I'm only a cartoonist!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father to son:
whenever i beat you,
you dont get annoyed,
how you control your anger?
son: i start cleaning the toilet
seat with your toothbrush
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In art gallery couple sees
picture of a girl covered by leaf.
Husband keeps watching.
Wife: ab chalo gay ya PAT JHARR
ka intezar kertay raho gay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Arshad, name one important thing
we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Arshad: Me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the difference between
a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tom : How should I convey the
news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram:
Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man received an unknown call..
Girl : hello do you have a gf??
Man : no, who are you darling?
Girl : M ur girl friend Diana, hate u
Again man got a call
Girl : do u have a gf??
Man : yes darling
Girl : m ur wife Alice, hate u
Man : oh sorry honey i didn't recognise u
Girl : m Diana i knew it that u have a wife, Hate u liar...
Man : wtf.....
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems,
subtraction of money,
multiplication of enemies
&
division of friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl: When we get married,
I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you,
darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband: You know,
our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did ,
I still got mine with me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girlfriend: And are you sure
you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure!
I checked the whole list again yesterday
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was born
Devil said...Oh Shit
Another GOOD PERSON...
&
When u were born devil said ...
Oh Shit!!!!Competition...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Full form of maths
M=mentally
A=admited
T=teacher
H=harassing
S=students
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have a horrible day without water in ur bathroom,
while soap in ur eyes.
Oh!sorry, dis msg is not 4 u.
Its only 4 those who do not take bath everyday...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If ur world is spinning around
and
ur heart is beating fast..
Do u think its love?
?
?
?
Na Munna Na
it's called High Blood Pressure:p.
Man:Doctor ! My Son has swallowed a key.
Doctor: When ?
Man:Three Months Ago
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Man: We were using duplicate key
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SANTA went to court
JUDGE:
"Order ! Order !"
SANTA:
"1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"
JUDGE:
"Shut Up !"
SANTA:"No,No..7-Up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After an accident,
A v.angry driver: I showed u d headlights
& told u 2 go by side.
Santa: I also started d wipers
& said No, no..No no. :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
''The POLITE Way to PEE!"
Teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students this question:
Michael if u were on a date having diner with a nice young lady, how wud u tell her that u hav to go to the bathroom?
Michael, "Just a min i hav to go pee".
Teacher: That would be rude & impolite. How about u SAM. Sam said "i realy need 2 go 2 toilet, i m sory". Teacher, "thats beter but stil not nice to say word toilet. Oh u little Jonny can u use ur brain?
JONNY said,
"Darling,may i plz b excused for a moment?I've 2 shake hands with a very dear frnd of mine, whom i hope 2 introduce 2 u after diner" :-p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who let you get on the horse
You witch's child?
.
.
.
.
Can't understand?
.
.
.
.
.
Tenu ghori kinnay charhaya bhootni k...:p:d
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Are Elephants
Large, Gray And
Wrinkly... ?
.
.
.
.
Because
.
.
.
If They Were
Small Round & White
They Would Be
''Aspirins.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attitude of girls:
When a boy sends dirty sms
she laughs for 10 minutes,
forward dat to her friends n
then replies the boy.
"i dont like that kind of sms ok?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What will Himesh say to magnify a picture..?
?
Zara Zoom Zoom..
If a boy gives a love letter 2 a gal, people call him "Loffer"
But if a gal gives a letter 2 a boy, they call it "Offer".
Feel the difference;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buyer to seller : is it pure honey ?
How do I know if it is pure honey ?
Seller : give the dog some honey ..
if the dog doesn't lick it, it is pure honey
Buyer :what if the dog licks it ?
Seller: so it is not a real dog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man standing on the scale,
holding his stomach in.
Wife:I do not think that is going to help.
Man:Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soldier:Sir, we are surrounded!
Major:Excellent!
We can attack in any direction now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man sees a fat man
sitting in a train cabin.
Taunting, he asks:
Is this cabin for elephants only!
Fat man humbly replies:
No!Even monkeys like you can sit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.
Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Businessman explaining the reason for having 2 wives
"Monopoly is always damaging
&
Competition improves service".
7 Angels came 2 Me
&
asked 4 the most Inteligent,
Smart, Nice, Sweet,
Noble and Well Groomed Person.
So I gave Them Your Address
.
.
.
.
..
Dekha kesa Ullu banaya Un ko!:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We will now upgrade your brain,
please wait....
Searching....
searching...
still searching....
Sorry,
NO BRAIN found...!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old rich man marries a young girl.
Interviewer ask to girl-
aap nay in main shadi ke liye kya dekha?
girl- ek to inki income, aur doosre inke din kam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flowers die,
Stories end,
Songs fade,
Memories are forgotten,
All things come 2 end,
But people like u r remembered forever,
Bcoz GHOSTS NEVER DIE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought of the day:
"if u help a gal when she is in problem,
she will always remember u
only when she is in problem again..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want.
On my last job, every time anything went wrong,
they said I was responsible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
143 means?
Do u want to know
what it means?
Press Down..
.
It means
ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY THREE.
Tomorrow I will teach u 144.
A very old lady teacher of English
ask this question with the class:
When I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?
One pupil answered: Its the past tense of course.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He said... Do u love me just coz
my father left me a fortune?
She said... No stupid, I'd love u no matter
who left you the money!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 day u'll B srprisd 2 c ME beside U.
U & ME laughing,
U & ME crying,
U & ME dreaming,
U & ME holding on,
U & ME...
just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are a DOG...
D = Darling
O = Of
G = Girls
Now u r smiling na?
Am i right??
Tu sach mein kutta hai
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lord, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My boss asked me today
which one of us was the stupid one.
I told him everyone knows that
YOU don’t hire stupid people
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Major Rohail:
Dude EGGS are extra salty today
Tooo much Salt..why?
.
.
Waiter:
Sir hen is suffring from high blood
Pressure
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy goes to see a dance.
His mom angrily asks him:
Did u see anything there that
u were not supposed to see?
Boy: yes, I saw dad!
Boy:I love u
Girl:Me too
Boy:Tum mujhe kitna pyar karti ho?
Girl:Jitna tum mujhe karte ho
Boy: U cheater..
main samjha tum waqai mujh se pyar karti ho
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What was GOD's First Reaction
when he made a Negro(African)?
Socho...
Dont know..
Oh! shit jal gaya!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lovers sitting in a park,
boy tries to kiss the girl..
Girl says No dear not all this before marriage..
Boy: Dont worry darling I am already married
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher. Bachon wada kro cigrett shrab nahi pioge.
bachey:nahi pienge.
Teacher:larkio ka pecha nahi karoge
bachey:nahi karnge
Teacher:un pr awazen nahi kaso ge.
bachey: nahi kasenge.
Teacher: apni zindagi watan pr qurban karoge.
bachey: karenge,asi zindgi ka karna bhi kia he.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is BUSINESS ?
Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: then Ok.
Dad goes o Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Than ok
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.
Dad:Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President:No
Dad:He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK
That's business...!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy 2 God:
Give me a pocket full of money,
A job & a big vehicle full of girls.
God replied:your wish is fullfilled
&
He became a bus conductor of karachi university point.:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man1 sitting with dog.
Man2:Your dog bits?
Man1:No
Man 2 sits and the dog bits!
Man2 angrily, you said he does not bit!
Man:That is not my dog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why were males created before females?
Because you alwas need
a rough draft before the final copy.
A lawyer saw an auto accident on street.
He rushed over and started handing out
business cards saying:
I saw the whole thing..
I will take either side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The devils challenged
the angels to a game of cricket.
We have got all the cricketers, said the Angels.
Devils:No problem,
we have got all the umpires.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss:I will give you Rs.25 an hour starting today
and in 3 months, I will raise it to Rs.50 an hour.
When do you want to start?
New employee:In 3 months.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Looking for a Bank
which can perform Two things for me.
Give me a Loan,
&
then Leave me Alone :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boss was telling an applicant the two main rules of the company
He said, "Our 2nd main rule is cleanliness.
Did you wipe your feet on the mat before coming in?"
The applicant replied, "Yes sir! I did."
Then the boss said,
"Our 1st main rule is trustworthiness.
.
.
.
There was no mat!" :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once in a soap industry in Japan,
the soap cover was mistakenly packed without soap in it i.e an empty cover.
To avoid the problem in future they purchased X-Ray machine of 60 thousand dollars
to check in the assembly line that
whether soap is packed in the cover or not in.
Same problem occurred in Pakistan.
What did they do??
They simply put a pedestal fan beside the assembly line.
Empty boxes were flown away! :-D
Genius Nation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: Johny,
if your father earned $100,000
and gave half of it to your mother,
what would she have?
Little johny: A heart a attack!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Papa: whom do u like more mama or papa
kid: both
Papa: no tell me 1.
Kid: both
Papa: if i go america & ur mother go to paris. Where u go?
Kid: paris
Papa: this mean u like ur mother?
Kid: no.
Paris is beautiful then america
Papa: if i go paris & ur mother go america so where u go
Kid: america
Papa: why kid: bcuz i havent been there before . .
Papa: Ullu da Pattha.. ;-p
when sum1 touches u
&
u don't feel it,
its IGNORANCE.
When sum1 touches u
&
u feel it, its LOVE.
but when nobody touches
u but u feel it, then its KHUJLI....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Astronomers say
"The universe is Finite..."
Which is a comforting
Thought
For those people ,
Who cannot remember
Where they leave Things
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends I'm Collecting
Quaids Photos
Give Ur Contribution
2 My Collection.
A Small Condition Is
It Must Be On
500 Or 1000 Rupees Note
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Did Lady Throw Out Her Mother-In-Law?
Because
Baba Ramdev (Yoga walay) Said
"Apni Saans Ko Bahar Nikalo..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Commerce professor asks the student:
what is the most important source
of finance for starting business?
Student: "Father in law".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three ants find an elephant asleep.
One says,"We'll kill him!"
Other one says,"We'll break his legs!"
3rd one says:
"choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy asked a girl in a library; “Do you mind if I sit beside you"?
The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH YOUUU!!!”.
All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the
girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him
"I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"
The guy responded with a
loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!"
.
.
.
and all the people in the
library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears;
"I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Qualities a friend must have:
Cute as crocodile.
Smart as donkey.
Active as turtle.
Fit as hippo.
Matured as monkey.
Sincerity like dog.
No doubt you are my good friend
Customer : How much is that banana for?
Salesperson : Rs.10
Customer : Can you sell it to me for Rs.6?
Salesperson : At that rate, you will only get the banana peel!
Customer : Okay I will buy the banana for Rs.4 , but you can keep the peel!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doc 2 Patient :
The check which u gave me has returned back.
Patient 2 Doc:The head-ache for which
you gave me medicine has also returned back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was dying of cancer.
His son asked him:
dad why do you keep on telling
everyone that your dying of AIDS.
He replied:
"So that when i die no 1 will touch ur mom"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Smile costs less than Electricity.
But.....
Gives more light !!
So Always Keep Smiling..... &
Prove that u're the Best TubeLight !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who was d 1st indian crickter
2 Bcum captain in his 1st mtch,
score century in d same mtch &
hit a 6 of d last ball 2 defeat england?
AAMIR KHAN in LAGAAN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2day i have not sent Sms 2 anybody Except U.
2day i have not thought about anybody Except U.
Because my policy is?
one day one fool.....!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If dentists make films,?the names will be -
*Daant ho na ho
*Jaanam brush karo
*Aa ab clean karen
*Kabhi teeth kabhi gum
*Humara daant aapke paas hai!:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you need advice,
text me...
If you need a friend,
call me...
If you need me,
come to me...
But
If you need money.
.
.
THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!
Think positive
Look at the world as 1 huge chocolate cake.
It would not be complete without
a few sweets & nuts.
Sweets like me & nuts like you!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes wen i cry no 1 c my tears,
wen i m woried no 1 c my pain,
wen i m happy no 1 c my smile
lekin...
sala. 1 ladki k saath ghoomay
to sab dekh lete hai..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am a killer!
i kill poople for money,
i am a killer! i kill people for money,
but ur my friend, so i will kill u for free of cost.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lab pe ati hai Dua ban k tamanna meri,
Dil karta he band krwa doon sim tere,
Dor duniya ka tere DAM se ujala hojaye,
Jo mjhe sms na kare Uska range kala HOjaye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dil diya tha MOHABBT ki nishani samajh kar,
Wo kha gaya use BIRYANI samajh kar.
Khoon-e-jiger B na chora zalim ne,
Wo B pi gaya LIMON PANI samajh kar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy came running in the kitchen,
Boy:Dad, There is an ugly monster at the door
Dad(Looking at his wife):
Tell him we have already got one!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab se begum ne mujhe murgha bana rakha hai,
Main ne nazron ki tarhan sir bhi jhuka rakha hai,
Bartano aaj mere sir pe baraste kion ho ?
Mein ne dho dha k tumhain kitna saja rakha hai,
Roz leti he talashi wo police ki manind,
Pochti he kahan paison ko chupa rakha hai,
Wahi duniya main muqaddar ka sikandar tehra,
Jis ne khud ko yahan shadi se bacha rakha hai,
Pi ja is maar ki talkhi ko bhi has k shohar,
Mar khane mein bhi qudrat ne maza rakha hai..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy U r d Sunshine
Of My Life !
Without U Life's Like A
Dreamy Cloud !
U r In My Heart Like A
Lovely Drizzle In d Sun !
Girl: Now Go Further
I've 2 Listen More
Weather Report :p
When a girl falls down
She is helped by so
Many people
But
When a boy falls down
Everybody laughs
When a girl licks
Her lips
She is thirsty
When boy licks
His lips
He is tharki
When a girl smiles
She is considered cute
When a boy smiles
He is flirt
Still people say
This is men's world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor,
I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars,
but it's state of the art. It's perfect.
Really, answered the neighbor .
What kind is it?
MAN:Twelve thirty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER:
what is the different between
problem and challenge????
STUDENT:3boys+1girl=problem
1boy+3girls=challenge..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A perfect girl
Doesn't bother,
Doesn't shout,
Doesn't flirt with others,
Doesn't lies,
Doesn't cheat,
.
.
.
And
.
.
Doesn't exists :p
Clappinggg!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you have 10 chocolate cakes
and
someone asks for 2,
How many do u have left?
Me: 10
Teacher: Ok, Well what if somebody forcibly takes 2 of the cakes,
how many would u have left then ?
Me: 10 and a dead body.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Statistics show that 1% of women in the world,
are on medication for mental illness
.
.
.
.
.
So beware!
99% are running around
without proper medication!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Repeat these lines at least 2 hours
everyday after Namaz outside the mosque
& u will b a millionare within few Months.
"Allah k naam par dey de baba"
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor:
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use d bucket bcoz its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now will u plz proceed to bed no.39.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What A Mystery
A cockraoch is afraid of Rat,
Rat is afraid of Cat,
Cat is afraid of Dog,
Dog is afraid of Man,
Man is afraid of Woman,
And Woman is afraid of
.
.
.
.
.
.
Cockraoch!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In heaven together we were in a big hall.
An Angel told us to write our sins before going in,
but before l could start writing any thing
l heard you caling for ''EXTRA SHEET''.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maths teacher asked JOHNY
"If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA,
3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then wat will u get ?
JOHNY replied "Sir! 3 new girl friends".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
when wordz fail eyz works
when eyz fail heart works
when heart fails to kia ???
.
.
.
.
samajh le tapak gaya;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men are like Bluetooth:
He is connected to you when you are nearby,
but searches for other devices when you are away..
Women are like Wi-Fi:
She sees all available devices
but connects to the strongest one...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get
up and does not stop until u get into the office...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Can SEE 'TEA' in A TEA-CUP
Can you SEE the WORLD in WORLD-CUP?
I can SING on Any STAGE
Can you SING in COMA-STAGE?
I can FIX my PASSPORT Size PHOTO in My PASSPORT
Can you FIX Your STAMP Size PHOTO in a STAMP?
I Can SEND My ADDRESS to Your MOBILE
Can You SEND Your MOBILE to my ADDRESS?
TRY ALL THIS........ ....
Atleast DO the LAST ONE.
Apple = Vitamins
Vitamins = Power
Power = Work
Work = Money
Money = Girl Friend
Girl Friend = Tension
Tension = Heart Attack
Heart Attack = Death
Problems an apple can make
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man's feeling
.
.
.
It feels like a mini heart attack
when i dont find my mobile in my pocket
&
Its almost like heart fail
when i see it in my girlfriend's hand !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Khofnaak andheri raat k sannatay main
ek bhoot dosray bhoot ko samjhra raha tha:
bhai ghabra mat, ye sub tere dimagh ka waham hai,
pathan wathan kuch nahin hote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apple = vitamins
Vitamins = power
Power = work
Work = money
Money = girlfriend
Girlfriend = tension
Tension = heart attack
Heart attack = death
See what all problems an apple can make:p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is like a MOVIE...
If u r sad - DRAMA
If u r afraid - SUSPENSE
If u r angry - ACTION
When u look at the mirror - HORROR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pakistani man goes for fishing, catches a big fish.
Comes home and askks his wife to cookthe fish.
Wife says she can't as there is no gas, no electricity,
no atta(floor) and no cooking oil to fry it in.
Man goes and puts the fish back in the river.
Fish comes up to the surface and shouts
"Pakistan Zindabad"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A student was asked 2 write
a signboard 4 the traffic rules
near da college campus
He wrote:-
"Drive Carefully!
Don't kill the students,
wait for the Teachers"
In pakistan survey was done:
How many girls want to meet with Saquib
Survey repot
5% says yes
0% says no
95% says kuhawab maat dikhao
Humari aise kismat kaha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher : Which is more important to us,
the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night
when we need it but the sun gives us light
only in the day time when we dont need it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I send you this fish
as a sign of our
FRIENDSHIP please
take care of it, Keep it
in your mobile.
Daily put your mobile in water,
So dat this fish wont die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bachiyon k chakker me larke jate lutt,
Or khatey hain un k bhaiyon se wo kutt...
iss waja se larke larkiyon ko chor detay hain,
Moqa mil tey hi un k bhaiyon ko phor dete hain..
Na kare makeup to un se banda dar jata hay,
Karti hain itna makeup k weight barh jata hay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Manager:
Sorry, but I can't give you a job.
I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right.
In fact I'm just the right person in this case.
You will see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 Pathan Bap Ki Death Par Bohat Roya
Phir Uski Behan Ka phone Aya,
Pathan Or B ziada Rone Laga.
Logon Ne Pucha,kya hua?
Pathan: Meri Bahan K Abu Ka B Intiqal Ho Gya
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
U look sweet when u read my message.
U look sweeter when u read my message & smile.
U look sweetest when u read my message, smile & reply.
So, try to look sweetest.
kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien bhi akhir apna hi khoon tha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moral of the movie Ghajini...
Whenever going to meet your girlfriend
Make sure u have your cell phone..
n
when u r in deep trouble
keep your cell phone silent...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rule of boys:
Phulo ki mahak ko churaya nahi jata,
suraj ki kirno ko chupaya nahi jata,
kitni bhi soni ho girlfrnd apni,
dusro ki girlfrnd ko bhulaya nahi jata..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pathan said to his friend:
"mujhy smajh nahi aati k log
maheena maheena kaisy nhi nahatay?
Mujhy to 28vein din kharish hona shuru ho jati hai".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Think Big.
Think Positive.
Think Smart.
Think Beautiful.
Think Great.
I know, that is too much for u,
so here is a shortcut.
JUST THINK ABOUT ME!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa sing ka 20 saal bad bacha hua.
Wo udas ho gaya.
Banta : Yaar udas kion ho?
Santa : 20 sal baad bacha huwa wo bhi itna sa.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Memon on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I'm here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Memon:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New style of proposing a girl:
I have spent many sleepless nights in ur love,
&
I don't want my son to do the same 4 your daughter,
So lets make them brother & sister.
Hi,
Doing nothing?
Then make a place,
4 Me in ur heart!!
I may come there any time!
Urs faithfully,
Heart Attack
This is my head.....
1 Star2 S
.
.
.
.
.
Itni dair dabanay k liyay thanks.
I am feeling much better now:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roses r red,
violets r blue,
monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Dont get angry,
you will find me there too,
not in the cage but laughing at you.
:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 smile = 1 friendship
1 friendship = 1 love
1 love = 1 proposal
1 proposal = 1 marriage
And 1 marriage = THOUSANDS of problem.
so better think before you smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇖Once a husband and wife
were preparing to go office
and the wife thought⇖
she would drive today for the office.
Wife : Chalo na car me kahin ghumne
chalte hai, aur car me drive karungi!
Huband : Agar tum car drive karogi to
jayenge car mein, aayenge akhbaar mein
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇖Once there was a mirror which used to kill "LIERS"
FRENCH:I think I don't smoke (killed)
AMERICAN:I think, I love Iraq(killed)
PATHAN:I think⇴killed⇖
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Girls Live Longer Than Boys?
.
.
.
.
Scientific Studies Have Proved That
.
.
.
"SHOPPING"
Never Causes HEART ATTACKS, But,
.
"PAYING The "BILLS" Does
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Line for advice. . !
I Always Learn
From The Mistake Of Others
Who Take My Advice:p
A Grammar Freak Girl To Her Boyfriend
" You Are As Useless As.
.
.
.
.
.
.
''AY'' In ''OKAY'' :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15 years back
Parents wanted their girl
to get married to a good boy
Now-A-Days
⇖Parents wants their boy
to get married to a good girl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
World most never be late message ever
⇖I will be there in 5 minutes.
If not, read this again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇪⇖No matter how old you are,
if a little kid shoots you with
a toy gun, you pretend to die.
- All you need is love,
or a gun, a shovel & a place to
hide the body.
- it's very important in life
to learn 'shift+delete'.
Some people aren't worth
recycling, Trust me!
- we always fall in love with
the most unexpected person
- necessity is the mother of
invention, girlfriend is the mother
of necessities..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Examples of stupid questions people ask..
1. When people c u lying down, wid ur eyes closd dy still ask:- r u sleepin?
2. When it's rainin & some1 notices u goin out, dy ask: - r u going out in dis rain?
3. Ur friend calls ur home fone:- where r u?
4. Dey see u wet comin 4m de bathroom:- did u just hav a bath?
5. U r standin rite in front of de elevator on the ground floor & dey ask:- goin up?
6. U bring a bunch of flowers 4 ur sweet heart. & dey ask:- r dose fl.wers?
7. U'r on the queue 2 buy tickets de cinema, a friend saw u & ask:- wat r u doin here?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Have Saved My Girl Friend Number As "LOW BATTERY"
So Whenever She Calls & I Am Not Around
My Wife Plugs My Phone To The Charger :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If Money Ever Grew On Trees
Girl's Would'nt Mind Dating With Monkeys"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An unfaithful husband
Thinks of other women
When he sleeps with his wife.
A faithful husband thinks
Of his wife when he sleeps
With other women
5 Missed Calls From Your Mate,
You Missed A Bachelor Party Last Night.
5 Missed Calls From Your Best Friend,
They Want To Hang Out.
5 Missed Calls From Your Girlfriend,
She Wants To Talk.
5 Missed Calls From Your Mum,
YOU ARE SCREWED!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attachment Is Not When
Two People Chat Day & Night.
.
.
.
Its When Someone E-Mails U
And Adds An Image Or Data File With It.
That File Is Called Attachment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇖SHOPPING Is Always More Fun
When
You're Spending Someone Else's Money
Instead Of Your Own
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇪Unknown No.1
Hi,Do u have a boyfriend?
Girl:Yes.Who are you?
It's your dad, ⇴be home this weekend, and we will talk!
Unknown No.2
Hi do you have a boyfriend?
Girl:Not a chance,⇶who are you anyway?
It's your bf,sucks ⇿to know that you are not proud to be with me and be your bf:(
Girl:Sorry babe,I thought u r my dad, he texted me a while back asking the same question
Yes,it's me, your dad.⇿We'll have a long talk this weekend!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ma'am you were going faster than the speed limit
Please let me go, I am a teacher.
A Teacher? I have been waiting for this day for so long
Now write,"I will not overspeed" 1000 times.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus ..
Bus Conductor: The Older One Should Sit Here
Both Looked At Each Other
And The Seat Remained Empty :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇎Girlfriend: Baby,
I'm Pregnant.
What Do You Want⇗ It To Be?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boyfriend: A Joke.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In School Days,
Sahir Lodhi Was A Class Monitor!!
1 Day A New Teacher Asked Him.
"How Many Students R there In Ur Class???
He Replied:
"32 Girls, 44 Boys & Me'':-D
Diff B/W Commerce & Science Questions:
Commerce :
What Is Ur Name?
(10 Mrks)
Science:
What Is Ur Name & Its Origin?
Give Relations &Applied Aspects Along With It'S Logical Significance.
Also Explain With The Help Of Graph.
It'S Upper & Lower Limits.(1+1+1=3 Marks)
Banda Fail Nae Hoga To Kya Top Krega? =P =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interesting moments in our daily life:
⇘⇘Trying hard to find the mobile when it is in silent mode
A random day dream & then realizing that you were staring at someone by mistake
Restarting the song when you miss your most favorite line
Everything else becoming more interesting when its exam time
Enjoying the moment when someone interrupts the class for an important announcement
Shouting 'sirrrr⇫missss' when its 1o b4 break...
Life is fun when you take it as simple as it actually is
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All Girls Are Beautiful After The Lights Are Switched Off
(Shakespeare)
All Boys Are Innocent Before The Lights Are Switched Off
(Shakespeare'S Wife)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laws Which Newton Forgot To State
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change ur queue, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telefone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone u know increases when u r with sum1 u don't want to b seen with : P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are Two Ways To Rule a Girl / Women
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And nobody knows them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇍A Journey Of A Thousand
Miles ⇴Begins With A Single Step.
Then,
You Get In A Car
And Go To The Airport.
It Doesn't Take That Long :p
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunglasses:
Allowing You To Stare At
People Without Getting
Caught.
It's Like Facebook In Real Life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⇚Lady On Fone
Hi Sir, I want To Meet & Talk To u.
U Are The father Of 1 Of My Kids.
⇖⇖⇖Man ⇬Stunnd,Omg⇫⇫⇫
R U Riya
No
Anu?
No
Pari?
No
Jasi?
No
Lady in confusion
⇖⇖No Sir I am The Class Teacher
Of Ur Son⇗⇗⇗
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