latest funny jokes 2016 whatsapp

----)))Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "You will go to jail".
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----)))What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
He compares it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
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----)))Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
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----)))Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. 
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
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----)))Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
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----)))Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? 
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
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Santa to banta. Yaar Tumhary Bewi shehar(city) ke hai ya gaon(village) ki..
Banta. gaon ki.
Santa.ooh acha . main samja shayed Tumhary hai.
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----)))Banta:how did u got a new car? 
Santa:A girl drove me to a beach, took her cloth & and said: take what do u want & i took car 
Banta: good yaar kapde ki karne si.
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Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
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----)))Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floor
At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!
At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.

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----)))Santa proposed to a girl......
Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year.
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----)))Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!
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Santa falls in luv with a nurse... 
After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
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----)))Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
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----)))Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
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----)))Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
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----)))Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.
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----)))Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out, climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
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----)))How did Santa Kill a Lion?
Santa thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me.
Whoopie!!!
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----)))Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" 
Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." 
Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"

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----)))Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Santa's son Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?"
Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."
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----)))Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
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Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
----)))Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
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----)))Santa - "why are all these people running?" Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup." 
Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"
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----)))Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks, for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
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----)))Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
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----)))Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
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----)))Teacher to Santa: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan...
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Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!


----)))Santa went to see a gal for marriage. 
Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.
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----)))Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai
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----)))A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I'm coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.
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----)))American: In our country , marriage even takes place with email. 
Santa: In India, it is only with a female.
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Santa ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Santa: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Santa: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.
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----)))Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
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----)))Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 
1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. 
Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
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Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat



----)))Santa was drawing money from ATM. 
Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. 
Sant: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
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Santa was riding on a horse, He jumped the red light & a cop whistles'
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says, "Le Karle Number Note"
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An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope
----)))Santa Singh was observing him, Suddenly a star falls,
seeing that Santa Singh shouted, "Kya nishana lagaya hai!"
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----)))Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats....
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Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
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----)))Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
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Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
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Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
----)))Santa says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
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Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi
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----)))Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM


Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. 
Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
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----)))Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....
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----)))The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Santa.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
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----)))An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
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----)))Jeeto: If I die what'll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.
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----)))Santa: Why Americans stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?
Banta: Coz people started licking the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes.
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----)))Santa went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. 
After Seeing he went to Delhi. Guess why?
The FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
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----)))A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing? 
Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.
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----)))A man to santa ur frnd is kissing ur wife in ur home he rushes to his home and come within half an hour 
n slapped tat man n said he is not my frnd.
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Titanic doob raha tha.
1 gore ne santa se pucha dharti kitni dur hai.
----)))Santa- 2kms.
Gore ne samnudr me jump laga k pucha kis taraf.
Santa NEECHE..


Banta:Tell me a word consist of 100 letters.
Santa: P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
554 Times Scraped
 
Black ties only
SMS - Santa Banta SMS E-mail Print
----)))Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Santa goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!
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----)))Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR. 
She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal
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Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
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----)))Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes.
Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"
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----)))Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said, "Clean Toilets 8 Kms."
By the time he drove eight kms he had cleaned 14 toilets.
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Santa recently found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
----)))What came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
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----)))Santa calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says Santa and hangs up.
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----)))Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
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----)))Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?


----)))Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
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----)))Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of seconds later he received a report on his phone and he started to dance. 
The report said: 'Delivered'
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----)))Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
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Santa n Banta were watching a cricket match. When Dhoni hits a boundary.
----)))Banta: Kya Goal mara.
Santa: Raha Na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal is mein nahin cricket mein hota hai.
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----)))Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".
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Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
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----)))Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
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----)))Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
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----)))Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
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Santa tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b there.............
Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there


----)))Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
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----)))At a football match ground. Santa: Ye log ball nu foot kyun maar rahe ne?
Boy: Goal karan lai.
Santa: Paar ball tan pehlan hi gol hai hor kinni gol karangey.
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----)))While walking in the highlands Santa fell down in a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here.
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----)))Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.
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----)))Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!
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----)))Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... 
When Banta asked what he was doing.... 
He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
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----)))Santa to his frnd Banta main apna purse ghar pe bhul aaya mujhe 1000 rs ki zarurat hai.
Banta-dost hi dost ke kam atta hai ye le 10 rs riksha kar ke purse le aa.
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----)))Jeeto: Why do Farts stink?
Santa: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too!
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----)))Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
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----)))Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.


----)))Santa ek ! sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
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----)))There was a short note written on poster of adult movie.
"Under 18 are not allowed."
Santa saw this msg, what he did next time he came with 17 people along with him
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----)))Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
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----)))!!Santa: Q - Why dogs don't marry? 
Banta: A - Because they are already leading a dog's life!
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----)))Santa: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
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----)))Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
!1Santa: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
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----)))!Santa was looking at a painting of a naked women leaves covering her body
he asked that wat he was doing he answered- waiting 4 autumn
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----)))Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
!!Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
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----)))Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
!!Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
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----)))Santa suffering from constipation, sitting on toilet seat: Ooonh, oooonh, oohh.... nee aaja marjaniye !!main tenu khan ta ni laga.