Funny Words of Wisdom Jokes

• To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
•  
• The other line always moves faster.
•  
• Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
•  
• If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
•  
• If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
•  
• A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
•  
• Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
•  
• If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
•  
• A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
•  
• The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down
• is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
•  
• Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
•  
• Murphy Was an Optimist........
•  
• When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
•  
• Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
•  
• When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
•  
• Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
•  
• If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the heck is going on.
•  
• You will always find something in the last place you look.
•  
• No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
•  
• Leakproof seals - will.
•  
• There is always one more bug.
•  
• In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
•  
• If you fool around with a thing for very long, you will screw it up.
•  
• If if jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
•  
• A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
•  
• Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
•  
• You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
•  
• Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
•  
• Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
•  
• The first myth of management is that it exists.
•  
• New systems generate new problems.
•  
• Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.
•  
• The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
•  
• After all is said and done, a heck of a lot more is said than done.
•  
• A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
•  
• The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
•  
• A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
•  
• If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
•  
• Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
•  
• Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
•  
• You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
•  
• Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
•  
• A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
•  
• Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
•  
• Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
•  
• The only perfect science is hind-sight.
•  
• When all else fails, read the instructions.
•  
• Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
•  
• The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
•  
• Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
•  
• Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
•  
• The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
•  
• Nothing ever gets built on schedule.
•  
• A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.